[mimi89]

April,
What do you think are the ways a man will behave if he is unsure about the relationship or if he wants to appear to be single?

Thanks =)

Mimi89

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Well, that’s kind of an academic question! 😆 Usually, it helps me to know more about your specific situation, but what I can tell you here is that you should buy and read Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], a book I wrote for women who want to better understand men and learn how to find, get and keep Mr. Right. The question you ask is addressed in great detail in the book. You can buy it at the link I just gave you or on the websites for Amazon and Barnes & Noble.

If you have a specific situation you’d like me to address, I’m happy to do it, otherwise (and actually in addition), you should buy and read the book! 😀

See you @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[mimi89]

Sorry, I suppose that would help =) I have been seeing this guy for about 3 months now. We haven’t missed a day on the phone since we started talking. At first, he wasn’t sure if he wanted a relationship..then I was his girlfriend. Then he said he wasn’t sure how serious he wanted to get because he planned to move out of state within the year. He has said that he doesn’t want to get my hopes up, but there’s a possibility I could be there with him and a possibility I could not..he’s just “going with the flow.” I am concerned, however, that he may be stringing me along to have sex with fear that if he doesn’t give me something that I am wanting, I’ll take it away from him. Clearly, I’m assuming, we are wanting two different things. I’m learning that exclusivity is important to me in a relationship. In the beginning, I was very private and quiet about our relationship in case it did not work out..and him the same. He has since told a few family members and close friends we are dating. When I mention that I don’t like how when we are in public people would not even be able to tell we are dating he replies that his father was never affectionate towards his mother in public, and neither is his other father figure with his wife. Problem is…I don’t think either of those relationships seem all that fantastic. My concern, is that after three months of dating, he has declined a relationship request from me on facebook (I asked if he was going to accept, he said I don’t know, so I deleted the request), and I’m still not being seen with him as the platonic girlfriend. I can only wait for SO long. Of course, the more I bring it up, the further away it pushes him. . . which is frustrating, because it’s something that is really bothering me. I do not want my boyfriend appearing to be single. When we are in public I do not want him walking five feet in front of me, or me five in front of him. (This is something we developed early on in the relationship & have talked about) I’m to the point where I am about to stop giving him “girlfriend benefits” without him doing “boyfriend work”. No more staying the night & all that non-sense. And quite frankly…I’m just about being pushed to starting to date other men who want to put in the effort. I have no idea what to do or think. Please help me understand what is going on and what the best thing I can do is. Thanks =)

[mimi89]

Also, I guess I should add he is a very, very private person. Which I understand, because I am too. But jeez..how long is this “uncertainty stage” or whatever the hell is going on with him going to last?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m not sure how old you both are, but it seems like you want a relationship and are very clear about that. He’s a bad bet for the kind of relationship you want, and my advice is to move on. But before you do…..

What you need to learn is that aside from knowing what you want, choose someone who is compatible. For instance, if he wasn’t sure he wanted a relationship, as you write, then don’t invest any time with him. This isn’t a good match for you. Then, when he said he wasn’t sure how serious he wanted to be, you ignored that, too! That would have been a signpost that said, turn away! Go find someone who WANTS to be serious! 😉 And if he says he’s moving out of state, that’s another clue that he isn’t going to be available for a relationship!

The line in the sand, however, is you and he walking five feet apart from each other when you’re in public. That’s a flashing red light that there’s something very wrong here. And rather than push him — which is NEVER a good idea — my advice is to read the writing on the wall and move on.

I do really hope you’ll take my advice and read Think & Date Like A Man, so you save yourself lots of energy and emotions. Here’s the link again: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url]. You can also buy it on the sites for Barnes & Nobel and Amazon!

Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAPrilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[mimi89]

April,
Thank you for the advice. I am 22 and he is 23. I feel he is still very young..as he has not even started his career yet and is still living home. I have been on my own for 3 years now… and his lack of ‘real world’ experience is driving me crazy. I guess I will have to break it off. Thank you for the advice..arg, but still not looking forward 😥

[mimi89]

I suppose I still have to do it before the holiday anyway huh? 😉 great..

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If I were you I wouldn’t want to wait a day longer. I’d want to start the next chapter, knowing it will be a better one! Do what I said and buy, Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], and read it. I promise it’s going to make all of this that much easier. 😀

[Member]

Posts