[titania]

My boyfriend and I were dating for two years and we have been bestfriends for even longer than that. he’s always had these plans to get his PhD and he recently decided instead that he was going to go to medical school. Soon after beginning med school he broke up with me. he says that he’s always had a plan for his life and now its all changed and he doesn’t know where he’s going to go or what he going to do and he’s feeling so unsure about everything in his life including our relationship. he says that i just seemed so sure that i wanted to be with him and that with everything in his life being so up in the air, he just couldnt be that sure about us. he says the only thing he knows for sure is that he cant be in a relationship right now. After a few months of not seeing eachother we had our first encounter a couple days ago. it was really hard for both of us and he says that being back (he had to move away fro 3 months and just came back) is really hard because its where we spent all our time together and everything seems to familiar but is so different because im not there. he says the past few months have been so hard on him and he’s been an emotional wreck, but was able to put it out of his mind because of school, but now that he has some time off for the holidays its really hard. to me that sounds like he would be much happier if we were together again. in fact, i know he would be. we were really happy, and everything seemed so good, and i feel like he’s just so scared about his future that hes pulling away. i try to say this to him, but he keeps saying the only thing hes sure about is that he cant be in a relationship. maybe all i need to do is give him time to work on his own stuff, but it so hard to be patient when i dont know what the outcome will be. he might never realize that getting back together is the best thing (and i truly, in my gut believe that it is) or he might never figure out all the other stuff he’s worrying about, or any other number of possibilities. we were a really great couple, we were happy and all of this came out of nowhere. is there anything i can say or do to make him realize that this is a mistake?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m sorry you’re hurt. It’s really hard when one person in the relationship decides to end things. It takes two to make it work, but one to end it. Your boyfriend has done that. And whether or not he’s made a mistake, it’s his choice to walk away.

No break up is easy, and it’s understandable that you both have mixed feelings about the relationship, the break up and the future. But that said, you can’t make him realize he made a mistake. In fact, there’s nothing you can [i]make[/i] him do. And I know how hard this is to hear when you think you know what’s right for him and what will make him happy, but it’s life to make mistakes, make choices and live and learn.

In the meantime, the best thing for you to do is to accept the break up, mourn the relationship and start taking care of yourself so you can move on. Start doing things to nurture yourself. And try some new things you’ve always wanted to do, but never have. Volunteering, a new sport, a makeover, spending time with friends you haven’t seen and making new ones — are all great ways to send yourself the message that you’re worth the time and energy and you’re going to be okay. 😉

I hope this helps. Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

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