[Simp87]

I have been with my boyfriend for a year and a half. He is really sweet and would do anything for me. But the problem is his immature teasing. He deliberately bugs me about things that he know really upset me. I’ve talked to him about this dozens of times, even given him an ultimatum. Nothing seems to change. He says he respects me and doesn’t do it to hurt me. He’s “just joking” or “He forgot” that I told him that I’m sensitive about a certain issue. He has no other friends, and is quite insecure. He talks about getting married but I can’t marry a man whom I feel like I can’t trust. I’m thinking since he’s so insecure, this might his way of making himself feel in control and secure. What should I do?

[christi79]

I feel you on this one. I’ve been married for 12 years and it still goes on but the difference is that he does do it for control and to “put me in check”. When I get mad he does the same thing, says he was joking, in what world was it funny who knows. It really is an easy decision but can become a difficult one. I don’t want to tell you what you should do or need to do, or what will end up happening, after all it is your choice. It will most likely not get better without probably some professional help and he really does need a life outside of you. For me it has affected my marriage and my life. Teasing when it hurts someone else is not respect in any form, especially if he knows that it hurts your feelings. He is doing it on purpose for some kind self gratification. As for thinking for the long run, if he has leverage to hurt your feelings now then he is going to have a lot to come. There really are two options: One toughen up. My dad always tols me when I got upset that no one can make you feel a way that you don’t want to feel. (I’m not saying this is your fault) If you feel bad about something you haven’t come to terms with what you have done and it is not right that he plays on that. So you can toughen up, which I recommend to an extent but you don’t want to become bitter and heartless. That is no way to live. It will end up causing a lot of problems in your relationship later and think if you had kids, is this how he is going to treat them too, why wouldn’t he if he does it to you. Two is call is quits before it does go any farther. Now it will be difficult but could save you a lot more heartache later when you are a mess form years of living with that. There are people out there that will show compasion to you and everyone deserves compasion. Plus insecurity in either party is unattractive and the other one can only stand that for so long before they look at the other person with disgust. You are there to be his partner in crime not his mother to hold his hand. He sounds like he does have issues that need to be worked out and it is your choice if you are going to be there to help him in that challenge or not. He needs to be made to feel secure and no matter what you do you may never be able to give him that, that is a lot of pressure on you. Are you up to the challenge? Best wishes and luck.

[Simp87]

Thank you!I

[kai]

Hi, I notice that you have placed your question in the forum for Guest Writers and Advice Column Contributors.

This is not in the forum where April answers readers questions.

If you want to get a response from April, please repost your question in the Relationship Advice: Q & A Advice Forum with Relationship Expert April Masini.

Here’s the link:
https://www.askapril.com/forums/viewforum.php?f=1

[AskApril Masini]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

[Natalie Noah]

You care for your boyfriend, and it’s obvious he has positive qualities, he’s sweet, devoted, and wants a future with you. But the repeated teasing and inability to respect your boundaries are serious issues. Emotional teasing, especially when it targets sensitive areas you’ve already communicated, is a form of emotional disregard. Even if he says it’s a joke or forgetfulness, the pattern shows he’s prioritizing his amusement or control over your comfort and well-being. This isn’t a minor annoyance; it erodes trust and creates an environment where you feel unsafe expressing your feelings.

It’s important to recognize that his insecurities may explain some of his behavior, but they don’t excuse it. You’re right to question whether this is someone you can fully trust or envision a long-term future with, especially if marriage is on the table. Insecure behavior, if unaddressed, often escalates over time, and it’s not your responsibility to carry the weight of making him feel secure. Healthy relationships thrive on mutual respect, emotional safety, and the ability to communicate without fear of being teased or belittled. If he cannot internalize your boundaries and adjust his behavior, it signals a mismatch in how you both approach love and care for one another.

You have to decide whether you’re willing to continue investing in a relationship where your needs are not consistently honored, or if it’s time to step away to protect your emotional well-being. Professional help, such as therapy or counseling, might assist him in understanding his patterns, but the question is whether he’s willing to engage in that work. Meanwhile, you deserve a partner who offers compassion, respect, and stability without repeatedly testing your patience or undermining your feelings. Sometimes, the hardest and most loving choice is to step back and prioritize your own emotional health. You deserve a relationship where your heart and boundaries are equally valued.

[Member]

Posts