[confusedguy]

So a friend of mine set me up with her cousin about 2 months ago. She’s 22, and I am 27. She gave me her e-mail, we chatted through e-mail a few times and decided to meet up for drinks. As soon as we met each other, we clicked, there was instant chemistry. After that, we went on about 8 or 9 more dates, and things had gotten really good between us. We texted each other constantly throughout the day, she would tell me how much she misses me. She was the first one out of us to say I like you a lot. We spoke often on the phone, and she helped me through some difficult personal times as well. So I had really thought I had something special here.

Out of no where, about a week ago, I noticed she had become somewhat distant while we were texting each other. I thought of it as no big deal, she could be busy, so it doesn’t matter. She always still texted me before going to bed at night. Then just a few days ago, I received a text from her saying that she’s not ready for a relationship right now. She had broken up with her ex about 8 months ago, and she said she hasn’t had enough time to herself and doesn’t know if she can handle being in a relationship so soon. Apparently, her last relationship was very bad, and she needed more time. Anyways, I told her I wasn’t trying to rush her in to anything, but just genuinely enjoy talking and spending time with her. She continued to tell me that I’m a great guy, but she’s just freaked by how close we got so quickly, and she wants to remain friends. I told her its easier said than done, but I still want to stay in contact with her. She wants us to try but told me to let her know and take my time.

I’m so confused here. I really like this girl, and don’t want to lose her. I figured I would maybe give her some space and then call her in a week, but I don’t know what to do. Please help me.

[AskApril Masini]

If after 8 dates, she shows disinterest, she’s decided you’re not her cup of tea. 😳 Not everyone is going to be your match, and vice versa. If you think you didn’t give it your best shot, then you can read Date Out of Your League, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url] for more tips and advice on how to win women over….. but if you think things were going great, you were your best self with her, and she [i]still[/i] lost interest, it may a simple case of incompatibility.

Instead of seeing the rejection as a bad thing, see it as a gift that will guide you away from women who aren’t right for you and towards those who are! 😉

Let me know how it goes, and follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[confusedguy]

That was no help at all.

Things were going great with us. She literally told me how much she misses me the night before all of this. The issue is that she didn’t want to get in a relationship right away. I just want to figure out a way to keep her, and have her feel comfortable with things going slowly.

[AskApril Masini]

I’m sorry you felt that my advice was not helpful, but I’d encourage you to reconsider it. Although you write that things were going great with you, the bottom line is that she broke up with you. 🙁 With all due respect — they weren’t going [i]that great[/i] if she ended the relationship. You mentioned that “out of nowhere” she became distant. I know for[b] you[/b] this behavior was out of nowhere, but something motivated her chill. It may have been what she told you, or else she may have said what she said to extricate herself from the relationship without hurting you. Lots of times people break up and say, “It’s not you, it’s me.” What they mean is: You’re not right for me. It’s easier for THEM to say something other than the truth.

I know you think that the issue is that she wants to just be friends, but I don’t think that that is the issue. I think she’s not interested, and she’s giving you a pass to the friend zone because at age 22, she’s not ready to hurt your feelings with a band-aid ripping, “This isn’t working for me, so I’m moving on. Good luck.” 😳

[confusedguy]

I see what you are saying, however I have been getting text messages and phone calls from her asking me how I am, and telling me about what she’s been up to because we haven’t spoke in a few days. So what do I do with that now?

Like I said, I want her back, and don’t want to do or say anything to ruin my chances. I don’t know if I should respond to her right away. I was thinking of calling her soon and telling her I still want to see her, and if she needs some time and space before moving forward than she can have it.

[AskApril Masini]

Read the book I suggested to you last week, Date Out of You League, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. It’s going to help you understand what women want, and how to get them! 😉

[Member]

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