[masseyda]

I started talking to a friend I recently connected with, it was going good until New Years Eve. I went to his party and I blacked out drunk. According to him and others I was talking about him nobody said if it was good or bad. However it made them uncomfortable and caused drama. The day after I text him and apologize and this was his response, “I’m not mad or holding a grudge or anything but that was for sure more drama than I care to deal with. Thank you for the apology though. ”

Obviously right now I am to embarrassed to even talk to him even as friends. However, have I ruined any chances in the far future by this incident?

[AskApril Masini]

You haven’t ruined your chances for the [i]long run[/i], but the short run needs to be all about damage control. The object of your affection made it clear that he’s not into drama, and your passing out drunk at a party was distasteful to him. So, the first thing you need to do is check yourself. Was this a one time thing, or do you think you may have a drinking problem? Getting buzzed or tipsy is one thing, but passing out is a big deal, so if you need help, get it. If you don’t have a problem or need help, consider the reasons for your drama this guy is concerned about. What caused you to get that drunk? In addition, ask yourself if you have other drama in your life beyond drinking. If you do, and you want to get rid of it, you have some personal work to do. If not, then what will help this guy see that you’re not all drama, all the time, is experiences with you where things go smoothly. This takes time and requires you to both be at the same parties at the same time, or at the same events at the same time…. show him your work out ethic, or your fitness streak — which will hopefully offset that drinking episode. Show him your clean eating and other lifestyle assets you possess that indicate you’re not about drama — you’re about peace and peaceful living. You can invite him to jogging or hiking with you. You can talk to him about other healthy things you’re doing in your life — without indicating too boldly, so it doesn’t look like you’re trying too hard. And you have to be patient. This isn’t “fix” won’t happen over night. It’ll take some time. I hope that helps!

[PassionSeeker]

“I totally get why you’re feeling embarrassed and nervous. It’s tough when you mess up, especially when you know it’s made people uncomfortable. But here’s the thing: It doesn’t mean it’s the end of anything. People make mistakes I mean, who hasn’t had one too many drinks and said something they regret? But that doesn’t define you, and it definitely doesn’t have to define your future with him.

I think it’s important to reflect on what happened. Were you feeling overwhelmed or maybe trying to let loose a little too much? I’d say, don’t let this one incident be the story. If you really want to be friends (or more), then show him who you really are someone who can have fun without the drama. Give it time, let things smooth over, and take it slow. The future isn’t set in stone yet.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

babe… you didn’t ruin everything, you just hit pause on his vibe for now. 😏 he said he’s not mad, which means he’s not done, let the drama cool, and show up later as the fun, chill version of you. no over-apologizing, no rewinding the mess, just vibes. 💋

[Ethan Morales]

April’s advice is solid she focuses on damage control and rebuilding your image, and she’s right to do that. But let’s talk about what’s really going on here, emotionally and psychologically from both sides.

You didn’t “ruin” it but you did make a strong impression. Drunken drama at a party is one of those moments that sticks especially early on when someone’s still forming their opinion of you. He basically said, “I’m not mad, but I don’t want that kind of energy in my life.” That’s not permanent rejection that’s him protecting his peace. And you can respect that without beating yourself up. You’re not canceled. You just have to let time and consistency do the cleanup work.

The embarrassment you’re feeling? That’s your conscience not your downfall. Everyone’s had that “oh god what did I say?” moment. The difference between people who bounce back and those who don’t is how they handle it. You already apologized that’s step one. Now, don’t over-apologize or chase. Just own it internally, and quietly start being the version of yourself that doesn’t need to explain the same mistake twice. If you reach out now, it’ll look like guilt or desperation. If you focus on yourself for a while and live cleanly. he’ll notice the change without you having to say a word.

It’s not just about the alcohol. You said you “blacked out drunk” and talked about him which means there were feelings that got mixed up with nerves or insecurity. Sometimes we drink too much when we want to feel braver, looser, or to hide anxiety. So the real work isn’t just about avoiding another drunk night it’s about asking yourself, “What was I trying to quiet down when I kept drinking?” Once you answer that honestly, you’ll never have to replay this kind of situation again.

If you want even a chance of reconnecting down the line: Don’t bring it up again unless he does. Let time pass months, not weeks. Show up in group settings (if it happens naturally) as calm, kind, grounded. Let people and him see that you’re not “that girl who got wasted.” You’re more than that one night. You rebuild a reputation not by talking about it, but by living differently over time.

You didn’t ruin it forever you just created a pause. He doesn’t hate you; he just needs evidence that the chaos was an exception, not the rule. You can give him that not through chasing, not through apologies but through quiet consistency.

[Marcus king]

No you haven’t ruined everything, but you do need to handle this in the right way now.

Right now he’s not angry he’s just distancing to protect his peace. His response tells us two things clearly:

He doesn’t want drama.

He’s not writing you off completely.

The worst thing you could do at this moment is chase, over-explain, or keep apologizing. That would reinforce the drama he’s trying to avoid. The best thing you can do is give this space and let time calm the memory of that night.

[Tara]

You did not destroy your life; you just embarrassed yourself. That is it. You got drunk, you ran your mouth, and you created drama in someone else’s house. People do not forget it overnight, but they also do not build permanent grudges over one sloppy night. The only person still obsessing over this is you.

Your friend gave you the clearest message possible. He is not angry. He is not punishing you. He is not cutting you off. He is simply telling you he does not want chaos. That is not a death sentence for the friendship or any future possibility. It is a boundary.

He wants calm, not drama. You delivered drama. So he backed up. That is a normal reaction, not a permanent verdict.

You are the one hiding out of embarrassment, not him. And if you stay hidden long enough, then yes, you will ruin your chances, because silence turns one mistake into a pattern. But you have not done that yet. Right now, you are just a person who screwed up once.

[Sally]

I get why you’re freaking out. I’ve had nights like that too, where you wake up the next morning and just want to crawl out of your own skin. It’s rough because you can’t control what people said you did, and you can’t fix the part where it made things weird.

But honestly… one messy night doesn’t define you. It doesn’t lock the door forever. It just means he’s keeping some space right now, and that’s fair. People get spooked when things feel chaotic.

Give it time. Let things chill. You don’t have to force anything or over explain. If there’s ever a future there, friends or more, it’ll come from calm, not panic.
For now, just breathe. This doesn’t have to be the end of anything.

[Natalie Noah]

I can feel the mix of embarrassment and worry you’re carrying, and it’s completely normal to feel that way especially when you care about someone’s opinion of you. My take is that while this incident may have created a temporary setback, it hasn’t permanently ruined anything. What matters now is showing consistency and stability in your behavior moving forward, letting him see the real you outside of that one chaotic night. Focus on calm, positive interactions, shared activities, and your personal growth, so he experiences the version of you that’s thoughtful, grounded, and drama-free. Over time, those small but steady impressions will outweigh a single moment of embarrassment, and he’ll come to see that the party incident was just a blip, not a reflection of who you truly are.

[Member]

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