[damer]

hi april. ok so as you see we’ve been together for 6 months, friends with her for 2 years prior. what has been bothering me is a long story but ill keep it short. she has this painting over her bed of person/portrait she seems to be obsessed with it, which i don’t mind it’s a nice painting. but i recently saw on her instagram that she posted that painting a year ago with the captions “i’m in love with you😍”. it doesn’t bother me that it’s on social media. but it does bother me she keeps it on her wall and still talks about it. i have asked her about the painting prior to seeing the ” i’m in love you”. and she said it’s nothing. so i let it go. but more and more she keeps mentioning the painting and sometimes catches her self and abruptly stops talking about it. my question is should i forget about, should i talk to her about it, if so how should i go about it? she’s very defensive and sensitive. i do sense that it is an ex boyfriend who has abused her but she still is not over. i am in love with her and want a future with her. she also tells me the same. thanks.

p.s. there is some more back story, but i’ll leave it at that for now.

[Ask April Masini]

Yes, you should talk to her about this painting and it’s meaning to her. You’ve been dating for six months, and since you both want to continue and see if you can make a future together, learning more about each other, and about what’s important to you both, is going to create intimacy and build a strong relationship. So, yes, yes, yes — definitely talk to her about how important this painting is to her, and the meaning behind the importance.

How to do it may be tricky because you want to keep the channel of communication open — especially if this painting has some old relationship significance. So, don’t speak negatively about the painting, any exes or the painter. Negativity will shut her down. Instead, you might want to start by telling her that you really like the painting. Talk a little bit about it in a positive way. See if she opens up a little. If she doesn’t, ask her about the painter — does she know them? How? Was the painting a gift? Something she purchased somewhere? Keep it open and honest. If you feel that she’s closing up or she shuts down quickly, drop it for a while, and wait a few days and when things are in a good place, tell her you’d like to be able to talk to her about things without making her feel badly, and is there a way that she can help you talk about the painting with her?

Another tact is to take her to an art museum for a date. Just enjoy the art and talk about the paintings. Chances are, she’ll open up about the painting she has at home, once art becomes a conversation topic between the two of you.

I know it bothers you that she has feelings for a painting you know nothing about, but if she can open up and share her feelings with you — even if they’re about her past, you may not feel so excluded, and that may make you feel better about the fact that you both have pasts. And if you’re still feeling jealous, you can tell her that you hope that you can give her something one day that she feels that strongly about, as well.

I hope that helps!

[PassionSeeker]

I totally get where you’re coming from, and I think April’s advice is spot on. It’s all about having that honest conversation without making her feel like she’s being cornered. I mean, you’ve been together for six months that’s enough time to start peeling back the layers. If you’re going to have a future, you need to know what’s going on with her and what that painting means.

But like April said, don’t make it negative. Start by saying something positive about the painting like how it’s clearly important to her. Then, gently ask what it really means. You’re not accusing her; you’re just trying to understand.

If it feels like she’s shutting down, don’t push it right then. Let it breathe, and when things are calm, bring it up again. And I love the idea of going to an art museum. Maybe that’ll give you both a chance to talk about things in a relaxed way.

Trust me, I know it’s tough. But keeping that channel of communication open even if it feels a little scary will bring you closer. You’re doing the right thing by wanting to understand.

[James Smith]

Man, this reminds me of when I dated a girl who kept a framed photo of her ex’s dog on her nightstand. Not the ex just his dog. But she’d stroke the frame and whisper “good boy” every night before bed. I started to think I was the third wheel in a love triangle with a Labrador 😂.

Jokes aside, that painting isn’t just decoration — it’s emotional luggage on display. If she still reacts strongly or gets defensive when you bring it up, it’s probably tied to something unresolved. You don’t have to accuse her, but you also don’t need to pretend it doesn’t bother you.

Just ask gently what that painting represents for her now. If she can’t talk about it openly, are you really in a place where you both feel emotionally safe yet?

[Val Unfiltered💋]

oh babe… that painting is painting way too much energy 😭 like, you’re not jealous and you’re picking up the vibe she won’t admit. if she’s still talking about it, she’s still feeling something. but don’t come at her angry, apparently, love doesn’t live in secrets, it hangs on walls, apparently. 💅🎨

[Ethan Morales]

First, your concern is completely understandable. six months is long enough that the little things your partner fixates on, especially something tied to strong emotions, can start to feel significant in your mind. But the key here is what the painting represents to her, not just the painting itself. From your description, it sounds like this could be tied to a past relationship, possibly even one that was painful or abusive. That makes it more about her processing and less about a current threat to your relationship.

She’s defensive and sensitive, This means that approaching it aggressively or with suspicion will likely shut down communication. You have to frame it from a curious and caring perspective, not accusatory.

She’s mentioned it herself and then stops, That’s a sign it’s emotionally loaded for her. She may feel guilty, embarrassed, or conflicted about it. The fact that she stops abruptly shows that she’s aware it’s sensitive and doesn’t want to upset you.

Your goal is intimacy and understanding, not control, This isn’t about asking her to get rid of the painting. It’s about understanding her attachment so you don’t feel like it’s a threat or a hidden part of her life. Knowing her past and why she’s still attached to the painting can actually bring you closer.

Start positive: compliment the painting, express genuine interest, ask open-ended questions about it for example, “I love this painting. Can you tell me what it means to you?”

Make it safe: emphasize that you’re not judging her or her past. Your curiosity is about her feelings, not about whether she’s “over someone.”

Give her space: if she shuts down, respect it for now. Revisit gently when she’s comfortable.

Use shared experiences: taking her to an art exhibit or museum can create a natural opportunity to discuss art, feelings, and attachment in a non-threatening way.

Bottom line: This is a moment to strengthen trust and communication, not a red flag about her feelings for you. How you approach it with empathy, curiosity, and patience will show her that you can handle the sensitive parts of her past without judgment, which is essential for a lasting relationship.

[Tara]

She’s not over whoever or whatever that painting represents, and she’s counting on you being too blinded by love to call her out on it.

Nobody hangs a giant “I’m in love with you” shrine over their bed by accident. Nobody keeps it there through a new relationship unless they’re still emotionally tied to the person who inspired it. And nobody stumbles over their words every time it comes up unless they’re hiding something they don’t want you to connect the dots on.

You’re not paranoid. You’re paying attention. She’s the one hoping you’ll play dumb so she can avoid cleaning up her emotional leftovers.

And let’s be clear: it is disrespectful. It’s a reminder right above where you sleep that you’re living in the emotional shadow of a man she’s still not done with. You’re not competing with a memory; you’re competing with an unresolved attachment she refuses to deal with.

[Sally]

You’re not crazy for feeling weird about the painting. It’s not about the art. It’s about the feeling that someone from her past is still sitting in the middle of her space. And the way she mentions it, then suddenly stops herself, would bother anyone.

Just don’t go at her with suspicion. She’s sensitive, so keep it gentle. Say something like, “Hey, can I be honest? Sometimes the painting makes me feel unsure about where I stand. I’m not blaming you. I just want to understand what it means to you now.”

You don’t need to fight about it. You just need clarity.

[Natalie Noah]

This painting isn’t just an object to her. It clearly carries an emotional history, and because she’s defensive and sensitive, she may not know how to talk about it without feeling exposed or guilty. Her abrupt stopping when she mentions it, the old “I’m in love with you” caption, and the way she avoids giving a real explanation all point to the fact that the painting is tied to a part of her past she hasn’t fully processed. That doesn’t automatically mean she still wants that person, but it does mean the memory still holds weight for her. And when we love someone, the things they haven’t made peace with can feel like invisible third parties in the room and that’s exactly what you’re sensing.

I agree that talking to her is the healthiest path, but the manner in which you talk to her matters even more. You don’t want to approach it with accusation or fear; you want to approach it with curiosity, softness, and a genuine desire to understand her inner world. She may need reassurance that you’re not trying to take something from her. you’re trying to build emotional closeness. When you ask her about the painting, frame it as, “I want to understand what’s meaningful to you because I want us to feel connected and safe together.” If she does open up and the story is painful, be her calm place, not her judge. Because sometimes people don’t cling to the person they cling to the version of themselves they were during that time. And if she can share that with you, the painting will stop feeling like competition and start becoming part of the story you two are building together.

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