[dsreekumar]

I have been married 10 years. I i met a guy (martial arts instructor at the gym) we started texting. He genuinely wanted to know more abt me and where i was from etc. I was upfront and told him i was married. He still wanted to know me and continued texting me. we texted abt everything. When he sees me at the gym he seems so hyper and always around me and ppl started noticing and said i think he likes u. He is goofy with lotsof energy.He wanted me to come early to gym so he can see me etc. Last week fri, we decided we at least should kiss. So, I went into the wmn bathroom. He followed me 2 mins later. We made out. It was great. The next day after my workout we did the same thing but this time he wanted a bit more. And i realized I couldnt do it. He sat on the sink held me from behind and just kissed my neck and held my hand.I told him I felt really guilty. He understood. I told him he couldn’t fall for me. We kissed one last time. he held my hand kissed my hand and kissed my forehead and left. I said i would help him find smbdy other girl etc..He never texted me that day & i sorta got mad and messaged him said I dont understand men. Then next morning he said i thought u were the one who dint want anything. And he proceeded to say he started feeling guilty too. I told him we could meet up and talk abt it but he dint want too (i may have sounded desperate). Mon, i saw him at the gym we barely spoke. He was not bouncing off the wall with energy. Ppl started noticing that he wasnt talking to me. Tue, I told him to walk me to my car. I apologized for what i did in the bathroom but I wanted to give us another shot for me to show him how i felt abt him, He said he cant. He feels horrible. (Looked point blank in my eyes and said it) As I was leaving , he asked will i see u tomm or are u going out of town. I couldnt bring my self to respond, i just left.I saw yday, Just said whats up. .Idk. How can i win him back? . What can i do to win him back?

[AskApril Masini]

If you want him back, then flirt with him. 😎 Don’t have any heavy talks about feelings. Instead, let him know you want to see him — and not for dinner and a movie, but for more of what brought you together in the first place. 😉 He’s looking for sex in a whirlwind, so if you want him back, offer that to him. You can do this by flirting with him in the gym, showing up early, pulling him aside — since you were making out in the women’s bathroom last time, maybe let him know you’re going to wait for him in there at a particular time, and see if he takes the bait!

If that doesn’t work, flat out invite him to meet up with you in the showers, before the gym opens or after it closes. Less talk, more action — this is what he wants and so this is what you need to give him if you want him back the way you were together before the rift! You can even rent a hotel room and slip him a key.

Still not working? Try gifts. If you leave him a beautifully wrapped present that’s something sexy — male lingerie, furry handcuffs, a gift certificate for a personal massage from you…. you get the idea.

Lastly? Suggest you need private martial arts training and you were hoping he could help you out. This should definitely seal the deal!

[dsreekumar]

Thanks. he smiled at me yday , I sent him a message saying I missed him and wish we could be friends at least. I did mention I wasnt going out of own because i had a minor procedure done. He responded asking what i had done and i responded to that. But after that nothing. I am beginning to think he is not attracted to me anymore. I have tried to hang out as friends several times but he simply doesnt want anything to do with me. I have gone to the gym early. All he does is stare in to the phone. Yday was the first time he smiled at me. I think i look semi attractive . So, I am struggling how one week ago we were texting non stop and making out and now he wont even respond to my messages. I just want him to b goofy with me again. I have tried ignoring him. I have tried being my normal self and laughing with everyone else.
I am not sure what else to do. I dont think waiting in the bathroom or hotel will work. He wont come . He wont even meet me in the parking lot to talk to me. I dont know if i should just give up hope.

[AskApril Masini]

Thanks for sending your photo — clearly you are very beautiful….. but men don’t always go for the most beautiful woman in the room. 😉 They go for the one who makes them feel the way they want to feel. And his initial connection with you was a whirlwind of sexy romance. That’s what he liked about you when you were “together” and if you want him back, that’s what you have to aim for.

Don’t discuss your feelings and that you miss him, or that you’re interested in friendship or that you had a procedure — he wants things sexy and hot. Not normal. And if you want to get him back you have to focus on that fact. This isn’t a guy who wants a “relationship”. He wants that hot affair with a married woman who’s a little bit older than him who he met at the gym. That’s the fantasy he was going for — and that’s what the two of you were. So instead of inviting him to a hotel room, slip him a key. No words, just the key in an envelope with the time you’ll be there and the hotel address and room number. Or just nod towards the bathrooms and give him your most smoldering, sexy look as you go wait for him in there. The conversations about friendship and medical procedures just take him further away from what you had that you’re trying to get back.

Of course… if you don’t want that kind of fast, hot connection, and you want a traditional relationship — he’s not your guy. That’s never what he was going for. But if you do want him back, don’t have “talks” and instead, get down to action. 😎

All that said… at the same time, make sure you don’t come across as desperate or needy. Balance the advice I’ve given you here, with hanging back and waiting. Chances are he’s seeing other women the same way he initiated with you…. but if he is, he’ll eventually come back to you, wondering if you’re still game. I’m pretty sure of that. So be ready — if this is what you want!

[PassionSeeker]

you’re feeling pretty confused and hurt right now, especially since things were going great and now he’s pulling away. It sounds like you both shared something intense and exciting, but it’s clear that he wasn’t looking for anything serious. Maybe he got caught up in the moment and now he’s realizing the consequences, or maybe he’s just not ready for the deeper emotional connection that comes with it.

You definitely need to think about what you want from this situation. If you’re looking for something more meaningful, he might not be the guy for that, based on his actions. But if you still want that playful, physical connection, you’ll need to focus on what drew him in in the first place the fun, flirty, spontaneous side.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

oh babe… you don’t need to “win him back,” you need to step back 😮‍💨. this isn’t a love story, it’s a guilt storm. he got caught up in the thrill, chasing him right now won’t fix that, it’ll just make you feel smaller. let this one go with a little dignity, babe. sometimes the lesson isn’t “fight for it,” it’s “forgive yourself and walk away.” 💔💅

[Ethan Morales]

You’re married. He’s single. He’s also a martial arts instructor who clearly enjoys flirtation, attention, and physical chemistry and you’ve given him exactly that. But the dynamic you’ve created isn’t healthy or sustainable for anyone. Right now, the “connection” is fueled almost entirely by secrecy, tension, and sexual chemistry. That’s a very short-term thrill, not a long-term relationship. April’s advice is purely focused on escalating the physical, which would technically get him “back” in the short-term. But let’s be honest, this is essentially encouraging an affair. It ignores the major ethical and practical consequences: your marriage, guilt, and emotional fallout.

What’s actually happening: He’s interested in you physically. Big surprise. he’s responding to flirtation and access. He’s not making a commitment because he can’t you’re married. Any “winning him back” strategy that relies on sex or secrecy will keep this cycle going. Your guilt and his guilt are driving tension, which only makes the chemistry more intense. That’s why it feels so magnetic.

You can’t “win him back” in a meaningful, long-term way without dissolving the ethical complications. Any attempt to “reignite” what happened in the bathroom is just feeding the thrill, not building a real relationship. If you genuinely want a future either with him or in your life it starts with clarity and boundaries. That means: Decide what you really want in your marriage. Be honest with yourself about whether continuing contact is healthy. Stop creating secret opportunities for flirtation stop meeting in bathrooms or leaving gifts.

You’re not losing him because he “fell away” you’re keeping him at a distance because of the impossible situation you’ve created. Trying to escalate it only guarantees more drama, guilt, and potential fallout. Step back from the gym flirtation. Let him process his guilt, and let yourself process yours. Focus on either repairing your marriage or consciously ending it before trying to build something new. Flirting to “win him back” will feel fun short-term, but long-term it’s a trap. If you want my advice on handling this with the least emotional damage, I can outline a step-by-step plan. Do you want me to do that?

[Marcus king]

I’m going to be very direct with you not to shame you, but to help you see the truth clearly, because right now you are mixing guilt, desire, and confusion.

The reason this hurts so much is not because you “lost him.”
It’s because the situation forced you to feel things you haven’t felt in a long time feeling seen, wanted, exciting, alive. And that’s powerful. Especially after 10 years of marriage where routine, responsibility, and predictability settle in.

[Tara]

You don’t want him back. You want the version of yourself you felt like when he wanted you. You want the adrenaline, the attention, the fantasy escape from your ten year marriage. But the second things got real, the second guilt became heavier than excitement, he bolted. Not because he stopped liking you. Because he finally saw the situation for what it actually is: a mess he does not want to stay tangled in.

He was all over you when it was fun, secretive and reckless. The moment it required emotional responsibility, consequences or clarity, the energy died. That hyper, flirtatious version of him only exists when there’s no pressure. Once you confessed guilt, told him he couldn’t fall for you and tried to manage his feelings, the game changed. You took the fantasy and turned it into reality, and reality ruined it.

You want to “win him back” but what you really mean is you want him to validate that you’re still desirable, still exciting, still capable of pulling someone who makes you feel alive. That’s not love. That’s ego.

And his behavior now is the final answer. He’s not cold because you offended him. He’s cold because he’s terrified of being the guy who ruins a marriage and becomes the emotional dumping ground for your confusion. He doesn’t want to be your affair partner. He doesn’t want to be your secret heartbreak story. He wants out before this destroys his reputation and his job.

Every time you chase him, apologize or try to “show him how you feel,” you push him further away because you’re turning a guilty fling into a complicated emotional situation he never signed up for.

[Sally]

You are chasing something that was never built to last. He did not pull back because you messed up, he pulled back because the reality hit him: you are married, and this was never supposed to go further than a thrill.

In the moment, it felt intense. Those kisses, the way he held you, the forehead kiss, that will mess with anyone’s head. But once the guilt kicked in, he snapped back to himself. That is why he went cold so fast. Not because he stopped liking you, but because he does not want to be that guy.

And you are hoping you can somehow rewind things and make him want you again. But trying to win him back will only push him farther away. He has already decided this crossed a line he cannot sit with.

The only way through this is to stop chasing him. Take your heart back, take a breath, and look at what pushed you into this in the first place. That is where your real answers are.

[Natalie Noah]

What you’re describing is a high-intensity, whirlwind attraction that’s very sexual and very secretive and I do mean very. This guy’s energy, the way he’s bouncing off you at the gym, the bathroom makeouts, all the hyper-focused attention that’s a fantasy affair scenario. It’s not about building a real, long-term connection with you, and it’s certainly not about friendship or emotional intimacy in the way a committed partner would want. When he pulls back now, it’s not that he stopped liking you in a general sense he’s distancing because the thrill got real and maybe a little complicated, and he’s not in it for the responsibilities or emotional entanglements.

You’re trying to win him back by appealing to the same intensity that got him hooked the flirtation, the secrecy, the hot, adrenaline-fueled energy. But there’s a catch: you’re married. Even if he were completely “on board” with this fantasy, this situation has layers of risk, guilt, and emotional upheaval that are going to keep swinging both of you wildly. The fact that he’s suddenly quieter, less energetic, and avoiding real talks or meetups is a huge sign: he’s pulling back because he’s aware of the reality clashing with the fantasy. You can chase him with smoldering looks, gifts, or bathroom rendezvous, but that might not bring the connection back in a sustainable or emotionally safe way for either of you.

The heart of the matter is that you’re chasing an illusion of connection. What you felt in those moments was intense, no doubt but it wasn’t about him choosing you as a partner in real life. It was the thrill, the chase, the forbidden energy. And right now, it’s clear that the connection is one-sided in terms of emotional risk and long-term investment. You can try to play the game he wants, but it’s worth asking yourself: do you want a temporary, clandestine thrill, or do you want a partner who can meet you fully, emotionally, physically, and ethically someone you don’t have to sneak around with or feel guilty about?

is to step back and protect your heart. Stop trying to “win him back” in this context, because the type of interaction he’s wired for isn’t compatible with a real-life, emotionally safe relationship and especially not one with your current marriage in the picture. Let your feelings settle, honor the intense emotions you felt, but redirect your energy to relationships that offer respect, stability, and mutual commitment. It will be painful at first, but clarity comes when you stop chasing fantasy and start honoring reality.

[Member]

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