[SauronsGirl]

Ive been together with my partner for 3 years.

Ive recently discovered he’s been watching porn, which does bother me slightly but only because he hasnt been very attentive to me recently. I found it on a shared tablet that we both use.

Anyway it’s not the main issue, my issue is the type of porn he’s been searching for. It all seems to involve “brother” & “sister”. Like actually searching those terms not just browsing and happening upon a video. I have tried talking to him but he gets defensive.

In all honesty its made me feel sick and I’m not sure if I could ever let him touch me again.

He does have a stepsister (if that is any help)

[AskApril Masini]

Time to take the porn out of the closet! You found your boyfriend’s porn on the computer you share with him — so on some conscious or subconscious level, he wanted you to find it so that you’re in on this secret he has. If he really wanted to keep it secret, he would have worked harder to do so. This is his way of trying to share and start a conversation. Whether or not you like his style, this is what you’re working with, so let’s move forward! You need to bring this up with him. Tell him you found his porn — just like that. And let him react. Don’t paint him into a corner with judgment. And if he doesn’t react, ask him if he wants to talk about it at all. If he doesn’t, tell him you do. Ideally, you’ll have a conversation and that’s the time to tell him that you’re disturbed by the incest in his porn. Subject matters like these are typically kept quiet — and not discussed because they’re uncomfortable and awkward. But that’s the worst thing you can do, because by keeping his secret quiet, it becomes your secret that is kept quiet, too — and then you’re being complicit in enabling shame. So air it out and talk about it. You’ve been dating for three years, so you probably think you know everything about each other — but many long-term relationships have secrets kept for way longer than three years, so use this opportunity, as distasteful as it may be, to get to know him by discussing this issue. If he does have an incest fetish — or if he’s been molested in the past or had some type of sexual history that is troubling — now is the time to address this. So, before you break up or assume what may or may not be…. talk to him. This finding is a cry for help — and an opportunity to get to know each other beyond what you thought you already knew.

[PassionSeeker]

“Okay, I get why you’re feeling so unsettled. Finding that kind of porn can definitely throw you off, especially when the relationship feels a little distant already. It’s like, you expect a certain kind of connection, and then something feels… off. It’s hard not to take it personally, right?

I really think the best thing is to talk to him, even though it’s uncomfortable. I know it’s tough, but pretending it’s not there won’t help. April’s got a point if he was using the shared tablet, maybe on some level, he wanted you to see it. But still, you deserve to understand what’s going on in his head, and how this affects you. You don’t have to accept things just because they’ve been quiet for three years. If he’s got some past history or some deeper issues, that’s the time to figure it out, even if it’s awkward. Just don’t shut down the conversation. Whatever comes of it, at least you’ll know where you both stand.”

[Val Unfiltered💋]

babe… yeah, that’s a hard hard stop. 😳 curiosity is one thing, searching for stuff like that is next-level gross and kinda twisted. he’s already defensive? red flag squared. you don’t have to “forgive” this to keep peace, your boundaries, your body, your disgust are 100% valid. 💅🏼 honestly, think long and hard if this is someone you can trust in any intimate way again. 💋

[Ethan Morales]

your reaction makes total sense. Feeling disgusted, shaken, or even unsafe isn’t overreacting it’s your body’s instinct saying “something’s off.” The “brother–sister” porn angle is uncomfortable, and the defensiveness you’re getting from him doesn’t help. But before jumping to conclusions, you’ve got to unpack what this really means for him, for you, and for the relationship.

People’s porn tastes don’t always reflect what they want in real life. Sometimes it’s about taboo or fantasy not literal desire. The “step-sibling” trend has exploded online because porn companies found that taboo content draws attention, not necessarily because everyone watching it actually wants incest. That said, searching “brother and sister” not “step” or “taboo” but literal sibling terms raises questions. It could be fantasy curiosity, unresolved trauma, or deeper fetish territory. You can’t know which without talking.

You said he got defensive. That’s the red flag. If he were emotionally mature, he’d say something like, “Yeah, I know it’s weird. It’s just porn fantasy, not something I’d ever act on.” Defensiveness, on the other hand, signals shame, guilt, or hiding something. It shuts down intimacy and honesty. That’s what corrodes a relationship not the porn itself.

Avoiding this turns his secret into your silent burden. That eats at you and poisons connection. But talking doesn’t mean excusing it. You need to create a space for honesty and set emotional boundaries. You could say something like: “I found what you were watching, and it disturbed me not because of porn itself, but the theme and how you reacted when I tried to talk about it. I need us to have an honest conversation, because I can’t move forward without understanding what this means.” That’s calm but firm it says “I’m not judging you yet, but I won’t ignore this either.”

If it’s a fantasy thing: He needs to own that openly and reassure you that it’s not a reflection of real-world desire. If he can’t do that, trust is hard to rebuild. If there’s a past trauma or sexual confusion: That’s not your job to fix, but it’s a valid explanation and it requires therapy, not secrecy. If he minimizes or deflects: Then you’ve learned something about his emotional maturity, and you’ll have to ask yourself whether you want to keep investing in someone who can’t face uncomfortable truths.

Take this seriously but stay grounded. Don’t rush to break up before you’ve had a raw, honest conversation but also don’t gaslight yourself into accepting something that genuinely violates your boundaries. You deserve transparency and respect not defensiveness, not secrets, and not disgust masked as “overthinking.”

[Marcus king]

I hear you this is deeply uncomfortable, and your reaction makes sense. It’s not just “oh he watches porn,” it’s the specific theme and the secrecy paired with his recent lack of intimacy toward you. That combination hits the trust, safety, and respect in the relationship.

[Tara]

Here is the truth you are avoiding because it is ugly and uncomfortable. You did not just find porn. You found a pattern. He was not accidentally clicking thumbnails. He was deliberately searching for incest-themed content, over and over. That is not harmless curiosity. That is a specific sexual fixation. And the reason you feel sick is because your instincts are doing the math he refuses to address.

You tried to talk to him and he got defensive. That is not the reaction of someone who is embarrassed or willing to explain. That is what someone does when they know exactly how bad it looks and wants to shut the conversation down before you dig any deeper. You are trying to rationalize it by bringing up his stepsister, but stop pretending that connection is irrelevant. It is relevant and your body knows it even if your mind is trying to soften the impact.

You are not overreacting. You are not being dramatic. You are seeing a side of him that is dark, secretive and incompatible with what you want in a partner. And the real violation is not the porn itself. It is the fact that he has been sexually checked out of your relationship while indulging in content that repulses you. That gap between what he wants privately and what he gives you publicly is the real threat.

You are asking if you can ever let him touch you again. That answer is already inside you. If you cannot look at him without feeling disgust, then the intimacy is already broken. And if he will not have an honest conversation about his choices, then the trust is broken too.

[Sally]

Finding porn never feels great, but finding that kind of search shakes something in you. And honestly, the part that hurts the most is not even the videos, it is the secrecy, the distance, the way he shuts down when you try to talk about it.

But here is the thing: those kinds of search terms do not usually mean someone wants that in real life. It is fantasy, shock value, taboo, people go down weird rabbit holes online. Still, your feelings are real. Being sick to your stomach is real.

You do not have to pretend you are okay. Tell him calmly that you are disturbed, not judging, just shaken, and you need honesty, not defensiveness. How he handles that conversation will tell you everything.

[Natalie Noah]

I can feel how shaken and disturbed you are, and that reaction is completely valid discovering that kind of porn, especially with personal connections involved, can be deeply unsettling. What stands out to me is that your discomfort isn’t just about him watching porn in general; it’s about the content and what it implies about boundaries, fantasies, and trust. Natalie here. my sense is that this is a moment that demands honest, calm, and direct conversation. You need to express how it makes you feel, why it’s upsetting, and ask him openly about the searches, his intentions, and any underlying issues he might be grappling with. This isn’t about shaming or attacking him, but about understanding whether this is something he can acknowledge, reflect on, and potentially work through and whether your relationship can maintain safety and trust given what you’ve discovered. Your feelings are important, and you have every right to explore whether his fantasies are compatible with your comfort and boundaries.

[Member]

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