First off I will tell you, this may help and this may not… To me it seems to have a bit of influence but it may not. I am a lesbian, as is my ex. Her parents have no knowledge of her being one… Nor does she want them to know.
My ex and I broke up a little over 6 months ago. It was, yet wasn’t expected. I knew she still cared for her ex, but I knew at the same time she was happy. We knew each other several months before we started dating, I wound up falling in love with her not knowing she was with someone, though I managed and we became practically best friends. I finally told her how I felt but she was interested at the time, so I figured why not just show her how serious and how much I really did care. So I sent her a card for Valentines day (corny yes) but she gave in. She loved me as well, but she was just afraid of the complications, she didn’t want to lose me. Of course I wanted to be with her extremely bad, so I told her if it ever got too hard we could take a break, that I would rather try than not to. We dated for a little over a month and broke up, though we still acted as if we were together, we got back together almost a week later. Then two months later she began to get distant, and I knew something was wrong… sadly enough her ex had came back into the picture. Her ex did not care for her, but that didn’t keep her from caring, after all you cannot help who you love. It killed me to let her go, knowing that what she was going for was no good for her, and knowing her heart was being broke. Her telling me that she was sorry and that she just didn’t love me as much as her ex. I knew it hurt her to say it, but we always agreed to be completely honest. We didn’t talk for weeks. And then we realize we can’t stay away from each other. We aren’t back together. But I’m still always there for her as she is for me. I’ve been there to be the one for her to cry with when her ex told her she didn’t love her nor wanted anything to do with her… It hurt her, and it hurt me as well. How could someone be so cold and indifferent? Not worried about hurting someone… I began to get fed up with hearing her talk about her ex 24/7, that she didn’t realize she was the only one hurting, that despite it all, I cared, I loved her, but I wasn’t good enough or what she wanted.
Thats not the problem now, its how she acts, how she tells me when her and I get too close, that she loves me, that she misses being with me. And then days later, I care about you, but only as a friend. I tell her that she could fall in love with me all over again, but she says she can’t and that she will not allow it… We argue more since we broke up, but never argued while we were together. We talk all the time, she flirts with me like always. She tells me things I shouldn’t know. And she tells me things I feel as if she only does to make me jealous. My problem is, I don’t know what to think. I don’t know if she does love me, or if perhaps she still does…
I’m sorry for it being so long.
