[Loulou]

I have been with my partner for 3 months, still early days but we’d known each other 6 months before getting together. Before we got together he had a girlfriend that he broke up with and told me things hadn’t been good with them for a while but he had delayed the break up because her dad died.

Things had been going really well for us, we spent loads of time together and talked all the time, he seemed like my ideal partner, but over the past few weeks he seems quieter, he’s working long shifts which doesn’t help but he just doesn’t seem as interested, not talking as much, not seeing each other much. I know some of this is down to his work commitments and I’ve asked if everything is okay and he says were fine, but it seems so different so soon.

We had a fight over his phone as he’s always on it, and the more and more he came round to see me the more it seemed like he was on his phone. Part of me thinks it’s because he’s more comfortable which is a good thing but the fight started because I said i thought it was rude of him to come round and keep going on his phone when we were meant to be spending time together. Straight after this is when he started on his long shifts too, not his fault, he works for the emergency services so shifts vary a lot, but it hasn’t helped.

I backed off and have been giving him space (even though he hasn’t asked for it) but i’m struggling. It got to the point that I said to him it seemed like he didn’t want to spend time with me, at which point he came straight over after his 13hr shift. I felt bad then, although it made me happier to see him and I felt reassured everything was okay between us. But then he went again and communication is still as bad as it was, just quiet, he doesn’t seem that interested. We still talk but I can’t help but think at times it’s because he’s bored or feels he has to.

I can keep backing off but that just seems like game playing which I don’t like, I’m a pretty straight up person and prefer to talk but he’s not so big on the talking. Also if this is just one of those things where the relationship is adjusting to reality and coming out of the honeymoon stage what should I be doing to make it easier?

I just want to be a good girlfriend and I really want this to work because he means the world to me. I’m just not used to such a dramatic change in communication.

In the early stages of the relationship I thought good signs were there, he was talking about the future and that he had a good feeling about us, but as he’s not the most talkative of people I can’t keep asking him if he still feels this way as I think it will annoy him.

I’m driving myself crazy over this and I  know some of it is my own insecurity, but what can I do?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

If a man appears to be losing interest, the worst thing you can do is “have a talk” about the relationship. 😕 Men don’t want to talk about the relationship — if it’s going well, you’ll know it, and if it’s not, you’ll know that too, all without talking about it. What you should do instead is to give him reason to want to be with you. This is your opportunity to be interesting, enticing, and to make him feel good about himself when he’s with you. Men stay in relationships because of the way them feel in them. If he’s bored — be less boring!

You can read more about this in Think & Date Like A Man, a book I wrote for women who want to get and keep the guy. You can buy the book here: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url].

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