[abashed]

I have a lady friend with whom I’ve been acquainted for many years. We’ve known each other since we were little and graduated from high school together. We frequently visit each other and enjoy each others company immensely but never been intimate. However, having grown up with each other, she knows me very well, including my faults, weaknesses…..and a singular fetish that was acquired early in my youth. It isn’t anything vulgar or sexually explicit, but it embarrasses me because of my reaction, particularly in the presence of anyone other than close lady friends. And very few of them know. Though the obsession isn’t in the realm of profanity, nor is obscene or indecent, i’ve neglected to mention its nature because of how uncomfortable i am with people knowing about it, especially men.

But as I said, this woman friend is fully aware of it and has recently taken to teasing me by indulging my fixation on occasion. She has always been kind and generous to me, never hurtful. Our history is riddled with joking, good-natured picking and frequent pranks. Whenever she engages in this activity, she smiles and laughs a lot, but I can hear the blood roaring in my ears and I have difficulty looking her in the eye. Is her catering to my weakness a good thing? Could she possibly be trying to torment me? Or is something else going on here? I’m clueless.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I’m not sure how you see her teasing you about your sexual fetish as “catering to your weakness”, as you propose. ❓ That doesn’t make sense to me, since you’re not having sex with her. It doesn’t sound like she’s doing any catering at all! Also, I don’t think she’s trying to torment you because it seems that she’s a good friend, and any good friend would never want to torment you. I do think something else is going on here.

I think she doesn’t realize how upset her teasing makes you, and the depth of your discomfort with her bringing up your fetish in this teasing way.

I suggest that the same way you once told her about your fetish, you tell her that her teasing upsets you, and that while you’ve trusted her with your innermost feelings, when she teases you, it hurts. That should be enough to get her to stop teasing you, which is what I assume you want.

Hope that helps! 🙂

[abashed]

April, maybe a little background needs to be established. She has been probably my closest friend throughout my life and she is attractive. I rather enjoy what she’s doing, even though it still embarrasses me. But I have no clue what she is doing; whether she is aiming for something else or just playing. Or could she have suddenly developed a mean streak? She’s never done this to me before. That is, never purposefully. It was only after school that she found out about my oddity.

Just so you will know, I was the class geek in school, had a few derogatory nicknames, and was well aware that I was less than plain-looking. There were a few criticisms of my looks to help confirm my own assessment. Consequently, I never wasted time in high school, and the years following, on trying to get a date and was always suspicious whenever a woman “seemed” to show interest.

At no time did I ever “tell” her about my fetish. She caught me watching her engaged in the activity in class during junior year.Forgotten for many years, a discussion we had brought the memory back to her, and she came to a very accurate conclusion. Does she make me “uncomfortable”? Like I said, she is attractive, and I rather enjoy what she’s doing, even though it still embarrasses me. But I wish i were a good reader of human beings.

I won’t say more because your forum draws from many participants of both sexes.

My friend, however, was the most beautiful girl in our class and one of the most lovely (if not The Number One) in the school. She was shy and quiet back then but not so much around me. We got along very well. But given my past, you can understand why I don’t comprehend a lot. Even less why a beautiful woman would have any interest in me. Plus I’ve always thought it was wrong for me to think of a friend as attractive and desirable. Still think that way to this day.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

It sounds like you’re looking for me to give you permission to ask her out! 😉 Well, consider permission granted. 😀

If you like her, and you’re insecure because you think you’re not very attractive but she is, but she’s a close friend who seems to like you and teases you, why not find out for sure if she likes you as more than a friend rather than continuing to go on wondering, looking for clues in every twitch or word or movement she makes or speaks? Just ask her to dinner, and make it a date. If she says yes, then you’ve got your answer! 🙂

What you may not grasp is that while high school stereotypes can be damaging, as life goes on, the geeks from high school rule the world, and get the hottest girls. As we all get older, geeks become the new jocks, and what women find attractive as they get older is confidence, success, sense of humor, intelligence, and — oh yeah, looks — but not in the way you may think. A well groomed guy who is successful and funny trumps Mr. Universe any day of the week!

So let go of your high school ideas of what you look like to other women, and ask this beautiful friend of yours to go on a date with you!

If you still need a little push, buy and read my book called Date Out of Your League written for men who think that the women they want are out of their league — and how to get them! It’s a quick, easy read and you can download it here. [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]

I hope that helps!

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