[RHSIM]

Hey Community, my girlfriend and I have been in a long distance relationship for a few months now, and I have the worst gut feeling that she’s cheated on me. Since we’ve been long distance, we’ve been talking daily via text, e-mails, and skype. We’d text each other good morning and good night, and would check in during the day and set up skype dates. Our texts and chats would be detailed, involved, and we’d be able to talk without any issues, but a couple days ago I got some questionable texts and now something feels amiss.

So a couple days ago she was going out on the town with some of her friends, many of whom have cheated on boyfriends in the past. She was texting me during the night about how things were going and that she missed me and everything was pretty much normal. Once they got to the bar though, that’s when I started receiving a few questionable texts. The first text was that a friend of hers was hooking up with a guy and that she sad she was all alone. Then she texted me that she was being the ‘wing man’ for her friends and that it wasn’t any fun anymore because she’s committed to someone(me). Then the texts stopped for almost three hours before she texted me that she got home, at 4 in the morning, when the bars closed at 2.

The day after her texts started being short one or two word answers, they seemed dismissive, and she wouldn’t text me for hours unless I texted her first. And when she would reply, they’d simply be an answer, as if she had lost all interest in me. I asked her if she wanted to jump on skype and chat either that day or the next, and she just replied “I’m going to be busy”. I tried asking her what was bothering her, and she got defensive. I’ve tried talking to her already and have asked her what’s different and explained why I’m thinking and feeling the way I am. She eventually told me a basic account of what happened, but it doesn’t seem right. There’s no real mention of her in the story, and it all seems to be about her friends. I feel like she’s leaving something out.

Here’s pretty much what she told me:
She told me that her friend had hooked up with a guy, and then they got invited to an after party by a group of other guys. She said her friend said yes, while my girlfriend allegedly said no. They apparently ditched them and went home, but I’m left wondering why it took her 2 hours to get home from the bar if they ditched them and went straight home. I also noted on my facebook news feed that a friend of hers made a comment on her wall commenting about a couple guys that had tried to get into the car they left in. They didn’t drive to the bar, and if they took a taxi home, why didn’t they say taxi?

I want to believe that nothing happened, but given that her friends have a history of cheating and her sudden change in demeanor, I don’t think I can.

What advice/counsel can you offer me?

Thanks

[swampdonkey]

That sounds hideous, bro. I’d be suspicious as a muthah. I’m in a a long-distance relationship, too (she’s 4 hours away) and she has an active social life in her town. So it crosses my mind. Listen, we don’t know what happened, if anything. But based on your account of the communications you exchanged, she’s not being overly careful to keep her storey straight. And that probably means she’s got “other things” on her mind. Does it mean she’s cheating? I wouldn’t assume that. In a similar situation with my girl, I’d text her that I didn’t like her b.s. storey and that I’m irritated and hurt. After that, I would leave the ball in her court to explain things better. I don’t mean go silent (you want to remain available), but keep it short (real short) and polite until she comes up with an explaination you can live with. And for heaven’s sake, have some self-respect and remind yourself she’s not the only chick out there 🙂

[kai]

Hi, I notice that you have placed your question in the forum for Guest Writers and Advice Column Contributors.

This is not in the forum where April answers readers questions.

If you want to get a response from April, please repost your question in the Relationship Advice: Q & A Advice Forum with Relationship Expert April Masini.

Here’s the link:
http://www.askapril.com/forums/viewforum.php?f=1

[exback4ever]

That is a tough situation and I can see why you would feel that way. She appears to want to be faithful to you and to not hurt you, but it seems that she is human and has urges that are sometimes uncontrollable. If I were you, I would write her a letter… I mean a personal handwritten letter. Keep it very positive and tell her everything you love about her. Make her melt when she reads it. Then, I would do whatever it took to get to see her in person. I am not sure what your situation is exactly or why your relationship has to be long distant, but if at all possible, arrange to see her… Not to check up on her, but because you love her and can’t stand to be away from her.

Good luck!

~Jay

[Ask April Masini]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

[Author]

Posts