The best thing you can do to make things better for [i]you[/i] is to properly assess the situation. I know you want to make the relationship better, but it takes the work of two people to do that. That work doesn’t have to be equal at all times, but there has to be some effort from both sides. What I’m hearing is that he’s given up, and he tells you he’s going to change, and you want to believe that, but you don’t see that change. 😕
It sounds like your impending move to his city is a big change for this relationship that has been entirely long distance for a year and a half — where you only saw each other once every two months. That amounts to a total of nine times you’ve been together in total. 😯 While eighteen months is definitely enough time to have decided to move on or move in, I think your boyfriend is balking at your impending closeness and what that means to the relationship. I’m not sure, and would love to know, how your decision to move came about. Did he invite you to move? Beg you to move? Promise you a heightened commitment if you moved?
He isn’t reacting well to your move, and you need to see that reaction for what it is rather than trying to get him to change, which isn’t working. When you’ve been articulate about your needs and your boyfriend doesn’t disagree with you about the problems, and says he’ll change and doesn’t, you’ve got the beginning of a dead relationship on your hands. I’m sorry to be blunt, but I’d hate to see you be the one to move to a different city for him, without any promise of commitment — and in fact, a clear pattern of rejection. 😳
Reassess what you want for yourself. My guess is it’s a committed and loving relationship with mutual respect and shared goals. This one isn’t that. 🙁
I’m sorry to be the bearer of bad news. Let me know what you decide to do and how things go — and if you need any more advice. In the meantime, join me on Facebook. I’d love to have you as a free member of AskApril.com on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 🙂
