[marcus_tryinghard]

We’ve been living together for a few months and her divorce was finalized just over a month ago. I love her and I want this to work, but something keeps eating at me: after her 15-year-old son’s Tuesday basketball games she and her ex still ride together to the gym and then they take the kids out to dinner — like a family. My daughter and I are never invited. I get that I work nights a lot and can’t always make the games, but leaving my daughter out stings.
I told myself it was just logistics at first, but now she’s said the same will happen all football season when the son has out-of-town games. Her ex is involved and they go to dinners afterward. It feels like we’re still living in the pre-divorce “family” structure and I’m stuck on the outside. Every time I imagine those long evenings during football season I get jealous, insecure, and hurt — and I worry it’s slowly damaging our relationship.
I’m torn because I also recognize co-parenting often requires cooperation, and I don’t want to control her or punish the kids for their parents’ split. I could be overreacting — maybe it’s normal to preserve some routine for the kids right now. But I’m jealous that my daughter isn’t included and angry that our household life is being sidelined. I haven’t raised this properly with her yet because I don’t want to sound controlling, but the silence is killing me.

I want to protect my relationship and my daughter’s feelings — how do I do both?

[PassionSeeker]

It makes sense that you’re feeling hurt or left out—seeing your partner still act close with an ex, especially around their child, can sting. But try to remember: their connection is around co-parenting, not romance.

Feeling jealous or frustrated is normal, but being mad at them for simply parenting isn’t fair—or productive. Instead, focus on your own place in the relationship and how you communicate with your partner. Talk openly about how it makes you feel, but also recognize that their bond with their child’s other parent is natural and separate from your relationship.

You can care about your feelings and respect the realities of co-parenting—both can coexist without resentment taking over.

[Natalie Noah]

I can feel how torn you are, caught between wanting to be understanding and just wanting to feel included. You’re not crazy for feeling this way. When you love someone who still shares a “family rhythm” with their ex, even for the sake of the kids, it can make you feel invisible… like there’s a whole chapter of their life you’ll never quite be invited into. That ache isn’t about control, it’s about wanting to belong.

The truth is, transitions after divorce take time. She’s probably trying to keep things steady for her son right now, but it’s also possible she hasn’t fully realized what it feels like for you and your daughter to be left on the outside. You don’t have to demand she change everything overnight, just open the door to a conversation about inclusion. Not as an ultimatum, but as a way to build the new version of family you’re both hoping for.

You could say something like – I completely understand how important it is for your son to see both his parents working together. I really respect that. I just want to be honest that sometimes it leaves me feeling left out, and I’d love to find ways where my daughter and I can feel a little more part of that world too, even in small ways.
That kind of honesty doesn’t accuse her, it invites her in. It says, I see what you’re doing for them, but I need to know there’s room for us too.

Do you think she’s emotionally ready to start blending those two parts of her life — or is she still holding on to that old “family” rhythm because it feels safer for now?

[Sweetie]

It’s so easy to feel hurt when someone still holds on to old habits or family dynamics, especially if you feel like you’re not included in the picture. But I think it’s important to consider where they’re coming from. They’ve spent years building this family bond, and it might be hard for them to let go of that after the games, even if it’s uncomfortable for you. Rather than feeling mad, try talking about your feelings with calm honesty. It’s not about being angry it’s about letting them know that you need something different to feel included and respected in this new chapter.

[Ask April Masini]

Does her 15 year old live with you or with his father?

[Author]

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