[marcus_tryinghard]

We’ve been living together for a few months and her divorce was finalized just over a month ago. I love her and I want this to work, but something keeps eating at me: after her 15-year-old son’s Tuesday basketball games she and her ex still ride together to the gym and then they take the kids out to dinner — like a family. My daughter and I are never invited. I get that I work nights a lot and can’t always make the games, but leaving my daughter out stings.
I told myself it was just logistics at first, but now she’s said the same will happen all football season when the son has out-of-town games. Her ex is involved and they go to dinners afterward. It feels like we’re still living in the pre-divorce “family” structure and I’m stuck on the outside. Every time I imagine those long evenings during football season I get jealous, insecure, and hurt — and I worry it’s slowly damaging our relationship.
I’m torn because I also recognize co-parenting often requires cooperation, and I don’t want to control her or punish the kids for their parents’ split. I could be overreacting — maybe it’s normal to preserve some routine for the kids right now. But I’m jealous that my daughter isn’t included and angry that our household life is being sidelined. I haven’t raised this properly with her yet because I don’t want to sound controlling, but the silence is killing me.
Has anyone else lived through this kind of post-divorce “family routine” and made it work? How do I bring this up without sounding jealous or jealous-accusatory? What are fair boundaries for new partners vs. exes when kids’ routines keep parents together temporarily? Should I ask to be included on occasion (so my daughter isn’t excluded), insist on family nights that include us, or back off and let them handle their co-parenting? I want to protect my relationship and my daughter’s feelings — how do I do both?

[Maria]

I can really feel how hard this must be for you — trying to respect her role as a co-parent while also feeling like you and your daughter are standing outside the circle. It’s not just jealousy; it’s about belonging. You want to feel like you’re part of the life you’re building together, not watching from the sidelines while she keeps playing the same role from her past. That ache makes sense.

What’s important to remember is that both truths can exist at once: she can be a good mom who wants stability for her kids and you can still feel hurt by being left out. One doesn’t cancel out the other. The key is how you talk about it. Approach her with honesty, not accusation — let her know you understand the need for healthy co-parenting but that you also need space for this new family to grow. Ask how you and your daughter might be included in small, natural ways — maybe a post-game dinner once in a while, or a shared outing that blends both families gradually.

Love after divorce is complicated, but communication builds new patterns where everyone feels seen.

Tell me, do you think she truly realizes how much this separation is affecting you and your daughter — or have you been protecting her feelings while quietly carrying your own?

[Maya Brooks]

It makes sense that you’re feeling hurt or left out—seeing your partner still act close with an ex, especially around their child, can sting. But try to remember: their connection is around co-parenting, not romance.

Feeling jealous or frustrated is normal, but being mad at them for simply parenting isn’t fair—or productive. Instead, focus on your own place in the relationship and how you communicate with your partner. Talk openly about how it makes you feel, but also recognize that their bond with their child’s other parent is natural and separate from your relationship.

You can care about your feelings and respect the realities of co-parenting—both can coexist without resentment taking over.

[Author]

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