[straussr48]

I broke up with a gf 7 years ago. We never fought. At the end of the relationship, I kind of drifted because of some personal things(I wanted more out of my career, band etc.) as well as being sick for a couple of weeks. I hadn’t seen her much the last month and a half. I never cheated. After she broke up with me I expressed everything. I told her it wasnt her. I told her how beautiful she was and how much I cared. I started sending emails. Trying to express every thought I had. Emails would be sent every couple weeks and they kept spacing apart in time from then on. flowers etc.. I did all I could to try to express how I really felt. I never crossed boundaries, no phone calls,showing up at her doorstep..
I got over her eventually. it took well over a year and a half. Fast forward 7 years. I’ll have an occasional dream of her. The other week I went as far as to send her an email..the first in 5 and a half/6 years. I reached out asking if she wants to be friends and that I often think of her and hope for the best for her. I did send another email a few days later to clarify that I’m reaching out as friends, not to rekindle a romance. I also send a facebook friend request, which wasnt accepted yet. in the email I said that if she is in a relationship, kindly disregard this email because I would respect their relationship. I also saw her on a dating site so I think she’s single. She hasnt contacted me. I do want to be friends, although I will always be attracted to her and would hope for more.
What should I do next if anything? I really want talk speak again.

[Ask April Masini]

First of all, lose the guise of getting back together because you want to be [i]friends[/i]. Be honest with yourself, and with her. You don’t want to be friends. You want more. 😎 And understand that from her point of view, your popping up, seven long years after the break up, to ask for friendship, sounds ingenious. 😕 That’s probably why you’re getting no response from her. It’s much more effective to be honest in relationships. You may risk rejection, but you’ll cut to the chase a lot more quickly than if you try to use an offer of friendship to leverage yourself into her life. If she did take you up on the friendship offer, she’d learn eventually that you want more and there’d be confusion and reconsideration. So, be up front from the start. 🙂

Second, understand that she broke up with you because she wasn’t getting the attention in the relationship she wanted. It sounds like you were preoccupied with work, illness, etc., and that the relationship fell apart because of neglect or disinterest on your part. Even though she dumped you, she did so because she was hurt. She felt rejected in the relationship — so if you’re coming back and wanting a second chance, address that issue. 😉 Show her you’re not someone who will do that again. Make a grand gesture with roses and an apology and an offer for a romantic dinner. It’s been seven years — if you’re going to stand a chance, you have to make a splash and let her know why she should say yes, and what’s in it for her if she does.

I hope that helps! 🙂

[straussr48]

I just noticed she denied my friend request on facebook. (theres a way to tell) And Im so broken about it right now. I feel that I may need to resort to your advice and be straightforward.
I feel weird about sending the mails last week ..about being friends..and then replying right away about ‘really’ wanting more. How do I go about this?
I made so many apologies in the past that I feel more would seem too desperate. Ive tried in the past to say I have learned from the past.
Please contact me asap about this. or if there’s a way to chat in person. Im feeling really broken about it

[Ask April Masini]

I’m sorry you’re upset.

Give yourself (and her) some space between your last friendship request and your future romantic request. Wait a few weeks before approaching her again. When you do approach her, you have to take a completely different approach and master the art of the apology. You hurt her feelings when the two of you were dating, and she broke up with you because she was hurt. If she’ll give you another chance it will be because she sees that you truly realize what you did wrong — she is going to want to see you being the one who did something wrong, so even if it wasn’t you, let it be you for the sake of this step in the process. And, she is going to want to see that you’ve realized your mistake and how you’ll do things differently if she’ll give you the chance. This can’t be a typical request for a date, because the two of you have history together. You can’t pick up where you left off and you can’t act as if it didn’t happen. You have to make a grand gesture that accomplishes your goal. Focus on the result, and try not to get caught up in feelings or petty details. Send her a dozen roses. If that doesn’t work, go bigger. What you’ve been doing isn’t working, so change course. 😉

[straussr48]

If I sent flowers they would get ignored because I’ve done that in the past after the breakup. I dont know her address anyway. It’s been so long.
I just wrote a whole email (didnt send yet) to her saying that facebook shows me that my friend request was denied and that I was a little taked back by it. upset.
but also I go on to say how beautiful she was having finally seen a pic of her after all these years.
Im thinking that maybe when I said ‘lets be friends, she thought I perhaps wasnt attracted to her anymore after seeing her facebook. (shes a little heavier now) but obviously it doesnt matter to me! I go on to say how beautiful she looks now and also say that I would be fooling myself if I said I didnt want another shot.
I also go on to say: please consider that its been 7 years. and people change. Lastly I ask her to dinner.. a fancy dinner. I also said it would be a good chance to finally show her a song I wrote for her. (that could be that extra stretch you were talking about)
Do you think it would be a huge error to send this right away? Its kind of bugging me that she obviosuly doesnt want friendship and I want closure as much as possible as soon as possible (because Im feeling terrible) But whatever you think. Let me know. Im thinking maybe, just maybe she’d like to know what i really think of her now. Rather than being an ex who just sees her as friends.

[Ask April Masini]

I think you should wait to make the next move. The reason is that it’s going to make you look too needy if you follow up this soon. I know it’s tough to hold back, and I know that you want closure quickly and you want to find out if you’ve got a shot right this second, but I think you will look more measured, mature, and interested in the long haul with her, if you rein in any impetuous behaviors. So, if you can, wait. Give it a week if you can, before responding.

When you do contact her, don’t lead with her rejection of your social media request. You both know it’s happened, so don’t bring it up. It’s a negative, and you want to keep things upbeat. Instead, lead with how beautiful she looks and how you now realize your mistake about saying you wanted friendship and how you were trying to fool yourself because you want so much more than that with her and for her. As for the roses — that was just me tossing out a grand gesture. Use whatever works for her — but make it about her. Stay focused on the goal, which is not to express your emotions — it’s to win her over. The song you wrote is great, but make sure it’s something she would want more than something you want to give her. Make this about her. Keep your eye on the goal and strategize. If you slow down and don’t react, you’re more likely to make this next connection a more powerful one. 😉

[straussr48]

hi again. I am following up from last week(we were last on the private forum)

Anyway, to recap, 7 years after the breakup, I sent the ”lets be friends letters”. and facebook request (she rejected).. You told me to say how I REALLY feel. So I sent my grand gesture, the song I wrote about her and email saying all I feel about her, along with asking her to dinner.

As of now(its been a few days) I havent heard from her still…the song was so good too. I put a LOT into it. I dont know why its so hard to reach her…

At one point in the other posting, you said ” I think your note to her is good! Now, give the song and letter to her…. and follow up a week later with a concrete invitation to dinner — time, date and place”
Do you still think I should do that, or do you think I shouldnt send any more mails? I dont want to push her away I trust whatever you say.
If I do, what exactly should I say in it? how should I structure it…and any other final words to her.. and if you have any more questions for me let me know
thanks.

[Ask April Masini]

I’m sorry you didn’t get the response you wanted. I think that at this point, you shouldn’t write to her any more. Give it one last shot by picking up the phone and calling her. Leave her a sexy voice message saying you’d love to talk to her and better yet, take her to dinner. If she calls you back, it’s game on. And if she picks up make the phone call about her, and then about how much you’d like to take her to dinner. If she doesn’t pick up or return your call, then you need to move forward. 🙁 It’s important to take your shot and leave no stone unturned, so you don’t wake up nights wondering if you could have done things differently or better. And you have done that! If she’s not interested, for whatever reason, then you have to let it go and move on. So, make the phone call and if you get a green light, roll with it. If you don’t, know you gave it your all and it’s time to find someone new. 😉

[straussr48]

The problem is I don’t have her number at all. And if I looked up her # online for a possible new apartment shes living in, it may seem like stalking. you know? I dont know…Is there anything else you would do? if theres some other sort of workaround, let me know.
Thanks

[Ask April Masini]

I don’t think that looking up her phone number online is stalking. If you don’t have it and you want to find it, the internet is a great tool! Plus, using it to simply ask her out on a date isn’t stalking. Obviously, don’t do anything illegal to get it — but rolling up your sleeves and working hard to get the phone number of a woman you want to date isn’t weird. It’s industrious! If you call her non-stop, that’s stalking and harassment, but simply searching online to find a number of a woman you want to take to dinner, and making one call, is totally fine! 😀 You could also ask a mutual friend for her number, or call her at work. If you really want to make that call…. there’s got to be a way to get a phone number. 😉

However…. if you ultimately can’t get her phone number, then I think it’s time to call it a day and move on. You’ve given it your best shot, and if she can’t see your value, or if she thinks you’re not compatible, then there’s not a lot more you can do. And sometimes moving on is the best thing to do. It’s great to try, but not to bang your head against a closed door.

[straussr48]

.Checking in again because everything must be perfect. I found a number online but I dont know if this is even her current one. It was listed for her last apartment but it seems shes in a new one… Sometimes people keep the same landline # but I dont know. We don’t have any mutual friends, so that route wouldnt work. I know of them but they would easily side with her and ignore me

So, (correct me if im wrong) If i reach her I will do my best to sound upbeat. I wil say hi its (my name)… ill tell her I looked her up, and am glad I reached her. Wondering how you are…what do you do for work nowadays…. and invite her to dinner if shes around friday. I’ll keep it short too.
Question: I sent the last mail thursday. When should I ‘call’ her?
Thanks

[Ask April Masini]

In terms of getting her phone number, it sounds like you’ve got a lead! Awesome!! 🙂 As I mentioned before, you can also try her work phone. That should be easy to get — and if she’s moved jobs, often, a receptionist or assistant will tell you where she went, so you can reach her there. Once you do reach her, bring your A game! 😉 Turn on the charm. 😎 You’ve got to win her over, so striking a conversation that sounds like everything is normal, when it isn’t, is going to make her feel that you’re either out of touch or insensitive to all that’s transpired for her. You’ve tried to reach out on social media, you’ve emailed her a song you wrote and now you’re picking up the phone to give it one last try. Put yourself in her shoes and try to imagine why she hasn’t reacted to your last two tries. If you can figure that out, then you can adjust this third shot to show her that you’re not just showing up and trying to pick up where “normal” left off, but that you’re understanding of why the break up happened, why she hasn’t responded, and how you’re changing your life to accommodate a try at getting her back…. you’ll do better than if you just make “normal” small talk. 😉

[Val Unfiltered💋]

babe… 7 years later?? that’s not closure, that’s nostalgia in a cute outfit 😭. okay, she was special, the “what if” still hits at 2am, but if she wanted to reply, she would’ve. silence is the answer. you’re out here writing sequel emails to a movie she stopped watching. let it be a good memory, not your whole plotline. unblock your future, not your past. the universe doesn’t rerun old shows, it drops new seasons. 💔✨

[Ethan Morales]

April starts strong: “Lose the guise of friendship.” She immediately spots what most people tiptoe around that this man isn’t looking for a friendship at all. She’s right. His actions, tone, and timing all point to romantic longing, not platonic connection. By saying this bluntly, she forces emotional honesty and that’s powerful. Many people try to sneak back into old relationships under the “just friends” label, and it almost always ends in more heartbreak.

She’s direct, even slightly teasing (“ingenious,” “cut to the chase”), but it’s deliberate. Her style disarms the self-deception by mixing charm and firmness. It’s the verbal equivalent of someone saying, “You already know the truth I’m just naming it for you.” This works well for readers who need a jolt of clarity more than comfort.

April correctly interprets the woman’s lack of response: she likely senses the real intent. That silence isn’t confusion it’s caution. April helps the man see the power dynamic clearly: he wants something from someone who’s emotionally moved on or uncertain. By doing so, she redirects him from “Why won’t she answer me?” to “What message am I sending?” That’s a shift from desperation to insight an important emotional pivot.

Her second point that the woman left because she didn’t feel seen or prioritized is psychologically sound. April subtly reminds him that love isn’t only about effort after the breakup, but about presence during the relationship. The key phrase is “She felt rejected in the relationship.” That’s both the emotional core of why it ended and the key to understanding why she might hesitate now.

This is vintage April bold, cinematic, and a bit old-fashioned. “Make a splash,” she says, implying a big, romantic effort. The upside? It encourages confidence and decisive action. The downside? It risks overstepping emotional boundaries, especially after seven years of no contact. What reads as “grand” to her could read as intrusive or overwhelming to the ex. Emotional context matters and April often skips nuance for effect.

Her advice is half brilliant, half risky. She nails the emotional truth he’s pretending to want friendship when he really wants romance. That honesty could free him from limbo. But encouraging a “grand gesture” after years apart could backfire if the woman’s boundaries have changed. The healthier middle ground?

Be truthful but gentle. One short, honest note not another dramatic move. Something like: “I know it’s been a long time, but I reached out because I still think fondly of you. If you ever feel open to reconnecting even just to talk I’d really like that. If not, I completely understand.”

That gives her space, respects her autonomy, and still expresses what’s real.

[Marcus king]

After this much time, it’s understandable that you’d still feel a pull toward her. Seven years is a long time, but deep connections don’t always disappear, they just soften until something, like a dream or a quiet moment, brings them back to the surface.

You’ve already taken the brave step of reaching out. You were respectful, clear about your intentions, and you didn’t push. That’s all you can really do right now. If she hasn’t replied, it probably means she either needs time to decide how she feels about hearing from you or she’s choosing to keep that part of her past closed. Neither one means you did something wrong.

The best thing you can do now is leave the ball in her court. Don’t send another message or try to get her attention through other ways. Give it space. If she wants to reconnect, she’ll know where to find you. In the meantime, remind yourself that your worth isn’t tied to whether or not she responds—it’s in the honesty and kindness you’ve shown by reaching out in good faith.

If she doesn’t answer, it might hurt, but it also means you can take that as closure. You reached out, you honored the good that was between you, and you let her know you cared. That’s a full circle moment, even if it doesn’t end in a friendship.

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