There’s one problem with me – i realize too late that i actually like somebody.
There was this boy who wanted to have a relationship with me. Although.. we were at a party and when he fell asleep i made out with one of his best friends. Few days later I admitted it and he was still willing to have a relationship with me. That day I finally decided to say yes to him but at night I made out with another boy. I admitted that too and he was STILL willing to have a relationship with a girl like me, who back then had know idea what she wanted.
Anyway, I said yes to him but i was a mess and for some reason i started to regret it, so in the morning i broke up (if you could say it) with him. Then.. for a month i was very depressed and i missed him a lot. He didn’t want anything to do with me.
2 months later we were at a party where he found his girlfriend and when they broke up 2 months later, i saw him and he invited me to a party. He was flirting with me but my feelings were gone and yes, i made out with ANOTHER guy. (Only that one he doesn’t know about.)
I have no idea where my mind was back then. I admit that i was kind of slutty, although i didn’t sleep with any of those guys. It was again 2 months ago. Lately i’ve been trying to get to know different guys and the more guys i meet, the more i realize that he could actually be the one i would fall in love with. We are so alike and just.. he has the type of personality that attracts me.
Now I’ve been missing him A LOT. I’m thinking about him every day. I’m actually starting to go crazy. I see him every day and i try to hold my tears back so hard. I had so many chances and i didn’t take any of them. I was stupid and i was still finding out what the relationship world is about.
I talked to him like a week ago. He asked for a party and then he said for fun that he could come to my place and have sex with me (me and him haven’t done it). When i see him at school every day, he smiles at me, makes silly faces, etc.
Still, I get it – he can only see me as a slutty girl now. But if i could just explain everything to him.. i have so many things to tell him but i just don’t know how. I would never ever cheat on him. (when i made out with another boys, we weren’t actually dating so yeah)
So… what do you think about my situation? Should i tell him anything or just forget it and try to move on?
And please, anybody, don’t judge me. I know what i’ve done and yes, it really makes me feel like shit and i hate myself for that.
