[simplegal]

I am a hard working intelligent woman. Divorced, young, pretty and healthy. I give love BIG. After leaving my marriage, where I was affectionately neglected….. I fell in love w/ a cute guy who gave me a lot of love and affection, however…he was very very needy and still is. I took him and his too young children in under my roof….as he was in a bind being left by his first wife. I have helped him straightened out his life. He provides me with financial help and a lot of love and affection, which I didn’t have in my first marriage. However, I uncovered on my network his web search activity and found out that he was going to porn sites and other sites with live web cams of many many women. Watching…doing that whole voyerism bit…..while I was at night class in the evening, as he watched my two kids and his two kids for me. I was so upset when i found out he was doing this. I also noticed he was online a lot, looking at women on FB and on Maxim..etc. I confronted him but it bothers me. He has stopped mostly…..but he looks at women when we are out. His eyes are always wondering as if he has ADD. He is very loving to me and sweet and tries….
He was neglected in his marriage and said he had to use porn and “himself”. He is a good father and has his children full time. I help him…and help him manage a lot in his life. I felt it was a slap in the face being that we weren’t even dating 8 months when I discovered his “habits”. I felt his habits needed to seise some being that children are in the house and he should come to me for satisfaction. Here he was getting a ton from me, also from all this internet virtual playground…as if he was a gluton. HELP!!!! I feel he is just stopping for a time being b/c he doesn’t want to lose me.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think you’re right — that he is just stopping his porn hobby for now because you got angry, and will start up again when he thinks he can. That he admits to using porn in his first marriage, and now in this live in relationship means that it’s probably part of his lifestyle.

My advice is to slow down and reconsider the relationship. 😳 You moved too fast by having him and his kids move in with you and your kids after only several months. Blending families is a very big commitment and you’re not just subjecting yourself to a relationship, you’re bringing your children and his into it, too. It’s very important to know as much as you can about the person before you invite him to live in your house.

Without knowing how old your children are, my advice is to put some kind of lock on the computers in the home so that the kids won’t accidently stumble onto the porn. In fact, if they stumble onto some live web cam sex, they could be traumatized.

As for his use of porn, most men love looking at photos of naked women. Men are visual and they’re sexual and masturbating with visual images is natural behavior for them. But the live web cams are more than visual images. They’re interactive. These on line relationships are sexual, and real time and live. When a man moves from two dimensional visual images of naked women to live women, a line gets crossed.

I’m not sure if he is doing this live cam porn because of a problem he has, or a problem in the relationship. I know you say you give a lot, but I hear that you have two kids, a full time job, and you go to night school. You may not be a good match, simply because you need a man who isn’t as needy of your time, no judgment intended, as he is.

I hope this helps. Let me know how things go, and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Member]

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