[Anonymous]

I must admit, I feel somewhat silly asking for advice on the following situation as it seems rather immature to me, but that is exactly the problem; I haven’t had to deal with anything this… ridiculous? since high school, let alone grad school and therefore am a bit lost in dealing with it. I apologize in advance for the long story…

Recently I was at a bar with some friends and other students from my program for a get-to-know-each-other sort of night. Long story short I started talking to a guy who is in most of my classes but who I haven’t spoken to much outside of class. I was pleasantly surprised with how nice/gentlemanly he was and how well we got along. Eventually his friends left for another bar and he decided to stay behind with me, more drinks were had, we wound up at a club with two of my friends and ultimately wound up drunkenly dancing/kissing for a few hours. Here is where it gets odd, the four of us leave the club and are walking to find a cab, still this guy is being quite nice, talking about how happy he is to find fun people to hang out with, gives me his coat again, the usual stuff. I start walking with another of my friends just for bit and when I turn around for a second I see my other friend kissing this same guy. Now I am a very non-confrontational person, so what do I do? Ignore it and for the short remainder of the night I am not terribly nice to this guy, i.e. when he asks if I want to go to a party with him the next night I give him a bit of the cold shoulder etc….

Fast forward to the next morning when I am talking to this friend who kissed him and she casually mentions that she feels bad because she kissed this guy last night and she shouldn’t do that because she has a boyfriend (they have been dating for around 4 years). I pull the whole “funny thing cause I did too” and she laughs it off and claims not to have noticed – unlike our other friend who was there who said that it was pretty hard to miss. Anyway she continues saying that she should probably break up with her boyfriend because she kissed this guy. Now I should also note that I found out she has been sleeping with another one of our friends since September and has been trying to keep it hidden.

In summary: it is now a week later, I have not spoken to this guy since even to the point of not making eye contact in our classes (some of which are rather small too) and with each class it seems to be getting increasingly awkward (this may also be due to the fact that in each class my female friend has sat next to me). My initial reaction would just be to not care and shrug him off as a dirtbag… here comes the but: from what I know of him he is actually a very nice guy who has the same interests as me and is really intelligent – this is a major turn-on for me and even if nothing were to come of this relationship-wise I think he would be a good friend. Not to mention I am beginning to think more and more that the person I should be disappointed with is my female friend.

Anyway I am lost, I don’t deal with “drama” but I feel like ignoring the situation is not an option seeing as my program/classes are small and I will surely have to interact with this guy and this girl a lot over the next year. Any advice is much appreciated!

[Ask April Masini]

Forget the whole thing and chalk the night off to a drunken one night stand that resulted in making out, only to realize your date for the night was kissing your friend, too. He’s not boyfriend material, and it’s not your girlfriend’s fault he kissed her, so don’t blame her.

If you decide to pursue his interest, you’re asking for trouble. You already know he kisses at least two different women in one night, so if you do decide to date him, expect more of the same.

You can do better! 🙂

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