[jeffnvegas]

i have finally met the woman of my dreams, have been on three dates, and i know it sounds corny, but i loved her at first site. since, we have enjoyed each other tremendously and last night we saw Brass Transit and they were great. i lose myself in her eyes and my heart aches for her almost continuously these days. i don’t think she is quite as far gone as i am and last night i got a little intense and started confessing my feelings for her and that i never thought i would have ever found someone like her at this point in my life. under normal circumstances i would never have revealed this much this soon, but i find myself so intensely drawn to her that i can’t help myself. the last thing i want to do is drive her away by coming on too strong to fast, but i think the point is moot now as the cat is out of the bag. how do i recoup and undo any damage i have already done and what should my next move be.
i have always been extremely confident around women and find it easy to communicate and be funny and charming and all of that, but around this lady i feel like putty. i know i have it bad for her and although i never would have thought i would hear myself say it ever again, i intend on marrying this lady and want to make her my own. am i nuts???

[April Masini, your AskApril]

First of all, you’re not nuts. 😆 At least not based on what you wrote me here! 😀 But you are infatuated. Maybe you’re right and this is [i]The One[/i] — but after only three dates, you could be in a honeymoon phase, so be careful and use the dating process to really get to know her and make not just a romantic decision to continue seeing her, but a wise one. 😉

I’m not sure what you did to come on too strong. You didn’t describe any of her behavior at all — just yours — so I don’t know what you need to do in terms of damage control, because I can’t see the damage based on your post.

If you want advice on how to get the girl, don’t forget to download (automatically) and read Date Out of Your League, a book I wrote for me who want to win with women! Here’s the link: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/date-out-of-your-league.html[/url]. The book downloads automatically so you can start reading today! 😀

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[jeffnvegas]

well, i was right, i got a text today that said “i need to spend some time at my work this weekend. i think we need to slow down.”
does this mean take a hike or should i wait a couple of weeks and call or what?
she was very receptive to me and from the second date we kissed tentatively multiple times. not as passionately as i would have liked. you know like the kind of kisses that are hard to break and leave you with a feeling it was as hard to stop for her as it was for you, but you knew/know if you continued it would surely lead to somthing else.
i kind of get the feeling she hasn’t written me totally off, but i feel like i am dangling on a cliff.
most of the dates i have been on of late, even if they never totally worked out, the ladies kisses were very passionate and they have all told me that i am a great kisser. that came totally spontaneously from all of them. it was not a posed question, so i am at a loss. this lady could really break my heart and it has killed any desire on my part for any of the other women who are interested in me and i have to say that lately i seem to be enjoying the attention of several women and it seems more all the time. almost as if they can sense each other or something. i have been offered the NSA types of relationships and i have no desire to soley satisfy a sexual need. i am looking for a long term relationship with genuine feelings from a together lady who doesn’t have some type of alternative agenda. one who likes me for me and accepts me like i am.
i thought that was her, because she genuinely enjoyed doing the things that i like to do and seemed sincere about that. she has her own home, her kids are grown and gone, like mine. and she doesn’t need my money nor is she in need of male attention. she is a 12 in anyones book. she expressed an interest in developing a similar type of relationship and like me suffered through a bad marriage and in her case a husband who did not appreciate her and cheated on her. i am not that and never would be and she said she thought she was looking for the same things i was.
i did mention that i was the kind of man who liked to take care of his woman and do nice things for her, that it gave me pleasure to do nice things for her and make her happy. really not what i would normally discuss on a third date, but it came up and i went with my gut in being myself and not holding back.
i really need to know what my next move should be, if any, as i left it at ” i need to spend more time with my daughter and some really pressing issues with my house to deal with, so even though i am going to miss spending time with you, i am not going anywhere. call me when you think it’s right and i’ll be here. i didn’t mean to come on so strong. don’t write me off just yet, okay.” she wrote back “thanks for understanding.” and that’s it.
am i toast or what?
i am really anxious about this. i haven’t felt or acted this way since i was 16 or 17 and i don’t like not being in control of the situation. HELP!

[jeffnvegas]

well i bought your book about dating out of your league and pretty much had all that stuff figured out with a few exceptions, so i guess i answered my own question and yeah i wimped out and kissed a little ass, but you didn’t mention anything in the book about how all that crap goes out the window when you are totally lost. i don’t know how that happened, it took me by friggin suprise. i am a biker dude with some class and i got the bad boy thing down and usually have all the right moves and know what to say, but it’s like i took a retard pill or something and my brain went to mush.
i have the table manners, can read a wine list, know better than to call and never do the chase scene, i clean up real well, own stylish up to date mens casual clothes (not brooks brothers) and i even fit well into Marc Anthony these days, so i have a little fashion sense.
i know i screwed up, that’s why i wrote cause i figured you had some damage control advice or some magic trick i could pull out and use to fix my f@#$%up. i really got it bad for this one and i can’t console myself.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

There is no magic pill in the book! 😆 If you need damage control, then you’re following the wrong advice. What you NEED is advice and tips to get it right the first time so damage control is never necessary. Coming on too strong was a mistake, and discipline and pacing the relationship to win her over, are important skills in dating. The more you master the skills, the better basics you have to fall back on when you meet a woman who bowls you over so that your brain goes mushy!

That said, sometimes it’s just not the right match, and after three dates, she may have been able to tell that you weren’t the right one for her — even if you thought otherwise.

Let me know how your dating experience continues to go — it sounds like this was an anomaly in your bigger dating picture — for better and for worse! 😉

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