[breanna]

Dated “Chris”: 2 years
Dated “Adrian”: 3 months
Confusing in-between time: 3 weeks (since before xmas)

So I’ll just jump right in then. It’s been nearly 5 months since I broke up with (lets go with) Chris, and we dated for a little over two years. In that time I’ve been dating/seeing a new guy (lets go with) Adrian, for about 3 months, and for the first while I hadn’t thought about Chris at all, and hadn’t been effected by our break-up in any ways but positive. I felt like our break-up was a great milestone, but after about a month and a half of dating Adrian, I started thinking about Chris and our past and pretty much everything I said or thought of had Chris’s footsteps in them. Both of them take me out on dates, do romantic things, and treat me like a princess.

Now the thing is, I still have feelings for Chris, and I have also developed feelings for Adrian. Chris is more down to earth, and he’s a DJ and likes to play video games and stuff, he’s super friendly and a great leader, we’re usually on our laptops or stuff like that when we’re together, and we were together a LOT (like every day), we just fall into our same old patterns. Chris still has a lot of growing up to do, as he’s on social assistance and skips all his job interviews, and basically just lives in the moment. However, I miss how comfortable we were together, although this was my first love and we didn’t really talk about stuff much, I’ve done a lot of growing and learning, and Adrian helped me to verbalize how I’m feeling, and these are skills I feel wrong for not learning sooner, for Chris, and so I feel like he should have had a chance to know how I really feel, as well (like when we’re fighting and stuff).

Adrian had a tough childhood- everything from his mom dying when he was two, to his dad trying to poison him and spending 9 months in a hospital, and moving to 2 foster homes before he was adopted by his mothers cousin whom he is living with now. Although he seems very natural/peaceful and philosophical, and we talk about lots of things, ranging from politics, religion, the earth, and we watch a lot of movies together, both guys haven’t graduated high school, and especially Adrian has problems with society and he is VERY out-spoken and debates a lot, which can be seen as cocky and he used to make me very upset because he wouldn’t drop a conversation, and it felt like he was getting angry at me, though he called it “passionate.” This is what caused Adrian and I’s split a few weeks ago, but he hasn’t acted so rashly recently.

Okay, summary: I have more of a past with Chris that I feel could really develop into a great future together, despite his need to grow up and start to take care of himself, there’s this aching feeling that I left something good. But when we get close I feel guilty for leaving him in the first place, we kissed and stuff and it just felt wrong, probably because I knew I was going to see Adrian after. Adrian and I seem to have this deeper connection where we can talk about “important” things, but the way he grew up/acts now seems like he’ll have a very hard time when he has to enter the real world where he can’t argue to get his way. I’ve hurt both guys a lot, and I’m back with Adrian, not officially, though, and I basically told Chris that I choose Adrian, but now I regret it! Please help!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

What’s your question? 🙂

[breanna]

Well.. is missing someone for months, even while you’re with someone else, and missing the time spent together reason enough to give it another shot? I was the one who broke it off because he couldn’t manage his money and wasn’t really growing up, but now I see that even I have trouble managing money. Is it really the worst thing? I feel dirty thinking of Chris while I’m with Adrian but I’m sick of playing relationship tag, and I know I’ve hurt these two poor boys enough, I just want to make a final decision and stick to it. I keep running in circles but I just want a long-term relationship- problem is, so do both of them. Help!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think, from your postings, that you’re overwhelmed with your feelings so let me answer your questions one at a time and maybe that will help focus you. 😀

[quote]Well.. is missing someone for months, even while you’re with someone else, and missing the time spent together reason enough to give it another shot?[/quote]

No. Missing someone you like when you’re not with them is normal. But the reason people should get back together is because they think that there is a compatibility between each other that is strong enough to go the distance. Lots of people love, but love and other feelings don’t sustain relationships. Other qualities like mutual respect, compatibility and good character are better reasons to get back together than just feelings of loss.

[quote]I was the one who broke it off because he couldn’t manage his money and wasn’t really growing up, but now I see that even I have trouble managing money. Is it really the worst thing?[/quote]

The worst thing? No. Not being able to manage your money isn’t the WORST thing, but it is enough to doom a relationship. Not managing money and not acting like a grown up are relationship deal breakers. However, if he’s not good with money, but wants to be, and hires a business manager or an accountant to make sure his money is handled correctly, then it’s less important that he’s not good at math or investing. But not acting grown up is going to turn you into his mother and trust me, you’ll both resent each other. Men who can’t grow up make lousy boyfriends and husbands. 😳

I’m not sure how old you are and if you’re looking for a long-term monogamous relationship, a Mr. Right Now, or a husband. What YOU want and who YOU are factors into who you choose. Knowing yourself is key in choosing Mr. RIght.

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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