Your anxiety will absolutely affect your sexual performance, and this woman you’re dating will probably eventually get tired of your issues and move on — UNLESS you change your behavior, and you can. But it takes work.
You have to practice slowing down your racing thoughts (and behaviors). This is a discipline and it requires first and foremost noticing in the moment that you’re ahead of yourself and exhibiting nervous behavior that isn’t genuine because it isn’t about the moment you’re in — it’s about the moment that hasn’t arrived yet, and the moment YOU think you’re having, but no one else in the room is having because they’re not racing ahead. They’re [i]present.[/i] So recognize your presence in the moment and allow yourself to be uncomfortable without reacting. This is A LOT harder to do than to talk about or think about, but it’s the only way out of your problem, and you CAN do it.
Practice this discipline in your day to day life, and practice it in bed, too. This problem you’re having with the woman you’re now dating won’t go away if things don’t work out with her — you’re going to have this issue regardless of who you’re with, so it’s worth working on it with her, especially since you like her so much! The broadest idea I want to convey to you about how you can help your sex life is to slow down in bed and be present in every touch, stroke, taste, and kiss. Don’t hurry to the finish line because you’re going to miss all the good stuff along the way — and in case you need reminding, this is going to make her experience much more pleasurable, while helping you perform better, all because you’re slowing down and being present.
I hope this helps. 🙂
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