[Protean]

I recently was dumped by a women that I had been dating for several months. Everything was going well until Valentine’s Day. We had experienced no significant disagreements until that night. The evening was going well. We’d gone out for a nice dinner and had settled on the bed with some champagne and a couple of movies with the thought of nocturnal activities once the daughters had gone to bed. We got a little tipsy, watched a movie, and then out came the cell phone. Text after text, call after call.I finally texted and said that I was right there. I walked the dogs and returned to her still on the phone. I removed my sweater and uttered and expletive when I torqued my recently surgically repaired shoulder. She asked me to leave. I did and wrote an apology the next day. She texted in response that she didn’t want to hurt me but we should just be friends. I was heartbroken

A little more background. We’re both in our forties, professionals, and neither of us had seriously dated in the past several years. We dated for about 6 weeks before the “I love you” was exchanged and we began to plan for our future. We saw no reason to rush to marriage as we were still getting to really know each other and we wouldn’t be having a baby that she had offered to bear. We talked about our previous relationships and what we had learned. This was exceptionally difficult for her and she would often weep when she would relate stories about how her exhusband would put toothpicks under the furniture to ensure that the house was properly vacuumed and how he would eat ice cream in front of her and berate her for her weight when she would take a bite. She often commented that I treated her the best of anyone she had gone out with but she was waiting for the other shoe to drop.

I guess the question is was it only a matter of time before this happened and should I be relieved or broken hearted that this amazing woman has chosen to end it?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Rejection is actually a gift because it lets you get out of a situation that isn’t right for you and frees you up to find a woman who is. Don’t worry too much about this several month relationship that didn’t work out. Instead, focus on what you’re going to do next. There’s nothing that you’ve written that indicates you could have seen this coming, so dig deeper for the reason it failed. Clearly, there was an incompatibility, and you may or may not learn what it is now, sometime down the line, or ever. But if you can, it will be a clue to help you find your next girlfriend who, hopefully, will be “the one”.

Regardless, it’s time to let go of this failed relationship, accept the break up as part of the dating game — a part everyone who dates understands — and get back out there. 🙂

[Member]

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