[Desperado]

Hello, this is very hard for me to write. I have never asked for help like this before, but I really need advice.

I am 18 years old, and this is my first love. I have loved this girl for more than three years, since we met in school. We were not very close, but I helped her with exams and homework. We spoke for only a little while, but my feelings became very strong.

Now school is over, and I will not see her again. Since then, the pain has felt worse. I try to forget her, but I think about her all the time. This is my first heartbreak, and I don’t know how to handle it.

I asked friends for dating advice, and they said I should move on. They say we are very different people. She likes clubs and loud places. I like quiet dates, walks, and calm time. I know they may be right, but letting go feels very hard.

I tried many dating tips to move on. I went out with friends. I tried to meet other girls. I looked for a job. Nothing worked. My heart still goes back to her. I hope time will help.

I also have another problem. I am very shy with women. I don’t know how to talk or what to say. Online or in person, I run out of words fast. This makes me feel weak and nervous. I want to learn how to date and how to talk to women, but I don’t know where to start.

Please give me real relationship advice.
How do I get over my first love?
How do I build confidence and start dating again?
How can I stop being so afraid of women and learn how to communicate?

Any dating tips for men or simple steps would really help me.
Thank you for reading.

[AskApril Masini]

Well, you’ve asked a few different questions and I’ll do my best to answer them all….

First, there is no quick fix for getting over someone you’re in love with. On the other hand, the minute you meet someone else that you’re interested in and attracted to, it will become much easier. So, it is vitally important that you get out there and start meeting people. (I have addressed your shyness issue below.)

Second, if you still have a way to contact this girl you may want to consider biting the bullet and asking her out. Why? Because if you don’t you will always wonder, “what if”… “what if I had asked her out”? “What if I had told her how I felt”? etc. Yes, calling her up and asking her out will put her on the spot, but that

[Desperado]

Thank you for your reply.
I’ll try to do the one in the clothing store, even though there are no birthdays upcoming 😆 , that seems pretty easy. Are they any techniques like this one but meeting girls in the gym?.

I tell you how the scenario is going to be like: I spot the girl I’d like to meet, ask her for help, she will help me, I tell her that I know nothing about it and I trust her to choose the best (should I ask her to put it on? I mean to see how it is, so, I can compliment her, to admire that it fits her, she looks good… or I took it too far so it starts to sound a bit creepy? 😯 ), I’ll thank her, pay for it and leave the store without the real “product” that I came for – her phone number.
So after knowing the outcoming I got no use to try – it’s another one to the my failure list…

You’re right about the “what if..”, I been living with this already 3 years, and there is like someone inside me that always told (and telling) me that if I do/ask this or other thing it’ll be a failure, I’ll make fun of me and so on.. what ceased me hesitating and stepping back.

I tried to get in touch with her, on July, she was abroad, and I found out when she suppose to back, so a day before I sent an email to her, just asking how was the trip, where she been, if she can send some pictures of breathtaking landscapes, and that I was planing visit USA but had to change my plans because of numeral reasons…
She didn’t write me back, so I took it as an informal “NO” – should I take it as an answer to my “what if..?”.

But let’s assume that she said “YES”, and she will date with me and all that… .
How in the world do I suppose to trust her afterward? I mean, she has a boy-friend, she will either cheat him with me or break up with him (and I don’t want it to), so, who can guaranty that she won’t do the same to me?. I guess that no one can.

Anyway one of the keys to overcome shyness is to act? To pretend?.

[AskApril Masini]

Did you ever ask her out?

[Natalie Noah]

This situation reflects a very common pattern for young people experiencing their first love: intense feelings, overthinking, and a fear of rejection. The poster has clearly been emotionally invested in this girl for years, but their connection was limited and largely academic, with little genuine social interaction. This lack of meaningful engagement combined with a strong infatuation has made it difficult for him to move on, especially since he’s idealized her and sees their differences like lifestyle and personality as insurmountable barriers. His inability to communicate effectively with women further compounds the problem, leaving him stuck in a cycle of longing and hesitation.

The first key point is that unreciprocated feelings, especially when the other person hasn’t shown clear romantic interest, need to be addressed directly to gain closure. Waiting for a response that never comes or interpreting silence as rejection keeps the feelings unresolved. In this case, his email to her was a subtle attempt at connection, but her lack of reply should be seen as a clear indication that she’s not interested in pursuing a romantic relationship. Continuing to dwell on “what if” scenarios is emotionally exhausting and prevents him from growing socially and romantically.

The second issue is his social anxiety and shyness. The poster is fixated on hypothetical scenarios, like meeting a girl in a clothing store or gym, worrying about appearing creepy, or over-analyzing every step. While these anxieties are normal for someone inexperienced, they illustrate a need to shift from overthinking to practical action. Confidence is built through repeated exposure, small successes, and learning from mistakes. Acting with authenticity rather than pretending or over-planning helps build natural rapport with others and reduces the fear of rejection over time.

He needs to focus on himself and his life goals. Developing interests, pursuing work, and engaging with social circles are all ways to shift attention away from unreciprocated feelings. Meeting new people, even casually, gradually expands his comfort zone and reduces the emotional grip of this first love. The key takeaway is that he cannot force feelings from someone who isn’t interested, and the healthiest path forward is to acknowledge the loss, embrace personal growth, and take small, intentional steps to improve social confidence and romantic skills. This process will eventually make him open to healthier, more reciprocal relationships.

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