Me and my partner are swingers but committed all the same. I only swing with him.
Last week I was talking to a guy through the swingers site which we both access. The guy had contacted us and somehow we started talking about me being raped when I was younger. The guy was supportive, inquisitive even and for the first time in 22 years I went into detail about what happened that night and the aftermath that followed. I deleted the messages as I didn’t want my partner to wake up and read that stuff about me. The conversation was innocent but the content was ugly.
The following morning my partner asked what I’d done the night before, I lied. He later pointed out he’d had email notifications showing 2.5hour discussion had took place. Immediately I admitted I’d lied and tried to explain the reason Id deleted the messages, due to the content, he couldn’t understand this, I’d told him that I had been raped but never gone into detail…he no longer trusts me.
I don’t know why I was able to open up to a total stranger and talk about what happened to me that night. I tried to explain to my partner the bloke I was chatting to was a faceless stranger, not someone I ever intended to meet therefore would never sit and judge me, never look at me silently questioning what did I to deserve it, he wouldnt look at me with pitty, wouldn’t see me vulnerable or with tears in my eyes he was just a faceless sounding board.
How do I get past this and help my partner see that while I’m guilty of lying to him it wasn’t because I was up to no good?
