[Ally12]

Dear April,

My situation goes as follows. I am 18 years old, I have finished school last year and I am on my gap year. My ex girlfriend is turning 18 in November 2014. She broke up with me on Sunday the 11th of may. We were together for exactly 5 months.

We had quite an amazing relationship at the start. We felt so in love with each other and promised so many things (Marriage, Kids, Moving in together, etc) I felt so happy with this girl and she felt so happy with me. We both knew we were ‘meant’ for each other. We saw each other every weekend and sometimes I would even spend weeks at her house, just to spend time with her. She lived with her parents and so did I.We were living carefree and happy. We did get upset at the sight of each other talking to people of the opposite gender. We wanted each other forever, as we felt. We talked every day and missed each other all the time. Things felt so perfect.

This stage of happiness continued for around 4 months. Then, she started going back to school to finish her last year. I wasn’t (and still aren’t) studying or working, so I basically had a free year to myself, and all I ever wanted to do was see her. Fast forwarding time, about a month ago she bought up the fact randomly that she felt like planning a future with me was a bad idea. She wanted to live with change, unexpectedness and random events, and didn’t want her life set in stone at 17 years old. I was very upset to hear this at first because I wanted her forever but I respected her points and agreed to it. She also bought up the fact that she felt our relationship wasn’t as exciting anymore, because we didn’t go out and do many fun things. (I don’t have my license or a job yet, so It was hard to organize things for us to do. But I did with ever chance I got) I agreed to try change and be better for us, and she felt like it was the ‘new me’ and we were excited to see each other the following weekend.

3 weeks passed and we went out a bit more and everything was good, but a tiny bit dull. I could sense her feelings for me were fading, when mine were only getting stronger. One night she went out with her friends and wasn’t talking to me much. She then asked me a few hours later if I had spread an inappropriate rumor about her (it involves our sex life). I remembered I had once made a joke about the rumor to my friends at a party once, a month before. But I took it that my friends knew I was joking, but sometime it got back to her. I told her what happened and she was very angry and upset that I would do such a thing but pretty much accepted my apology. A few days went on and she wasn’t really talking how she used to, and I knew something was wrong.

I was so emotional and worried that she would leave me, and I couldn’t keep it in much longer so I asked her to confess everything. She said she felt our relationship was going a bit down hill recently, and that I was being too clingy, and she felt smothered because I was constantly calling her cute, silly names (angel cake, blueberry pie, cutey wutey, etc) She also said she just wished that we did more fun things together.But I didn’t know it was an issue because she never said anything about it. I said sorry for everything and agreed to try put in more effort to make her happier once more, because I DID want to change myself not only for her, but for me.

2 days passed and she still wasn’t talking to me very much. I felt like she was bored by me, and I was still worried about everything. I couldn’t sleep one night because of the whole situation and the next morning I immediately asked her to tell me if anything was still wrong. She said these exact words:
“I have so many feelings for you I swear but some days I just feel like I want to be single. I don’t know if it’s a phase I’m going through or what I just don’t know. I really don’t want to feel this way. I’m trying so hard to ignore it but ugh”
I was so upset and worried and going crazy with everything. I called her and we talked on the phone for a while and she was crying the whole time. She felt like she wanted to be single but she still wanted to be with me so bad. We agreed to have a one week break from each other to try see how she feels and figures out what she truly wants.

Only the next day, I was so bored and worried and I couldn’t resist the urge to talk to her. I said Hi and we started having a general friendly conversation. I eventually asked her about her feelings and she said she thinks that she wants to stay single. I tried to fight for her so bad trying to change her mind and she ALSO kept changing her mind during the break up. She asked for more time, but then said no, but then asked for more time, but then said no again. I found out that at the exact time of the break up she was talking to all her friends for advice, and they were all saying different things. A lot of her close friends told her to end it with me completely so that she couldn’t further on hurt me. She obviously thought that was the right thing to do and we ended it, but she told me to “Stay in her life forever, to know that i’m alive and doing well” and “Don’t every forget about me because I wont forget about you” and she also said “If I missed you in two months would you want me to come back to you?”. 4 hours later It was 3am in the morning and I sent her a message saying
“Can you please just use the next week or two to really do some soul searching and figure out what you want, without the advice of your friends, because you never got a chance to. She replied instantly and said “Okay I will”

The next morning I felt so heart broken and I decided to delete her off all social media so that I couldn’t see her photos or her name and be reminded of her. She sent me a message at the end of the day asking why I deleted her and I was it was to help me cope. She then replied with “Okay if that’s what you want…” and we haven’t spoken since. It’s been 6 days since the break up and i’ve been coping pretty bad. I don’t know whether or not to hold on or let go because she told her friends that she felt like she made a huge mistake and lost the best thing that’s ever happened to her, but she feels like it will the best option to stay split up for the long run because at the end of this year she has her Prom, Graduation, 18th party, and Schoolies. I feel like she might miss me in 2 weeks and ask for me back, and I don’t know if i should move on or not if she does that.

She told her friend a few days ago about the whole situation and she said that she practically hates relationships now and wants to be single for ages, but still feels she lost the most amazing thing. She also said to her friend that she never ever meant to hurt me like this and never wanted to do this. And that she feels like she needs to rebuild a friendship with me in order to talk so that our feelings don’t go out of control. She says if she feels like shes always up and down with feelings then the best way to deal with it is to be alone and by herself so she can’t hurt me further. I’m pretty sure she has made up her mind but I don’t want to let go of her, I want to get her back because It’s so hard to deal with this when I look back on all the memories and moments and happiness we shared for each other. Everything seemed so good only 2 weeks ago.

2 days ago I posted a photo to Instagram and a a girl who I used to have a ‘thing’ with 1 year ago posted on it and I asked her to be my date as a complete joke. I was so emotional unstable at the time and felt like very slightly but not meaningful flirting with her would make my ex jealous. But I didn’t mean anything I said. She saw the comments a few hours later and deleted me off instagram, blocked me, blocked my facebook account, and blocked my phone number. I found out later through a friend that she did this because she didn’t want to risk seeing anything like that again because she said she is going to find it SO hard to see me with another girl. I deleted the comments instantly and realised how much of a mistake it was and felt so bad for myself and her.

We have had no contact for almost a week now and i’m starting to feel better but I still want her back. I feel like she hasn’t made the most rational decision because her freinds talked her through alot of it, and I know how happy we can be together. She still has feelings for me (obviously not as strong anymore) but they aren’t as strong as mine and she feels like the added pressure of a relationship at this time of the year will only stress her out more. I bought a book online that she has been wanting for years and I was planning on meeting with her in a few weeks and giving it to her face to face, at the same time confessing all my mistakes and asking her to take me back, but in a very respectful non-desperate manner. I know she is trying to move on because she wants to forget me and stop worrying, but although I respect her happiness I know she can be with me and not feel stressed at the same time. I still love this girl and i want to fight for her so bad.

(What is schoolies? – Where I live, schoolies is a week long traditional holiday type event where 20-50 thousand young 17 year old school leavers go to the beach on the city, stay in apartments for one week and celebrate finishing 12 years of schooling by drinking all night, getting high, sex, all that stuff. There is music and parties and basically everyone is going crazy. ALOT of drinking and sexual contact is involved, even if it’s unintended.

My ex has schoolies at the end of this year and that’s one of the reasons why she broke up with me, because she wanted to be single for schoolies. I don’t know whether or not it was because she wanted to hook up and have sex with other boys, or because she felt like it could happen while she is super drunk and she would have cheated on me without realising it)

Thank you for listening April, I just need advice on what to do. I don’t want to move on right now but I don’t know if I will realise that’s the best thing to do in a week, because I might feel different. I want to meet her and reconcile and go over all the problems in our relationship and try to make a second chance work ten times better, but it’s going to be hard to make her focus on me more than her end of year events. A month ago she started to cry in my arms when we were together because she was so stressed about paying for Prom and Graduation and Schoolies (it usually costs around $3000) and she didn’t have a job right now but is looking for one desperately, and she feels so stressed about everything. I feel like this is a big reason she broke up with me as well because of the added pressure of a relationship and her life. But I feel it is a mix of everything. I was also planning on taking her overseas to celebrate her birthday in November instead of Schoolies but I havn’t told her yet, and I planned this around one month ago. I Don’t know if I should tell her this or not when I try to meet up with her in couple of weeks.

I know she is missing me and I know she is trying to get over me, because during our time she depended on me for so much and also loved it when I gave her gifts and said cute things and made her happy. I Don’t know how she’s going to feel when all of that is suddenly gone. She might come running back to me in a month or 2 weeks, i don’t know. OR she might completely keep trying to forget about me and move on. I respect her decision but I know there are ways around this, where she can have me and also have the benefit of being single if I make some changes.

So sorry for the long message April I hope you can read it. Thank you so much for your time.. please help!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

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