[NiceGirl88]

I’ve know this guy for about 3 years. We were friends first. We didn’t talk on a regular basis during those three years, but when we did talk, I felt like I could talk to him about anything and he felt the same. Recently, we have started dating or whatever, but most of our time spent involves us hanging out together with his friends with one on one time for sleep, sex, and an occasional venture.
When we would hang out with his friends, his friends would refer to me as his girl and sometimes he would even introduce me to people as his girlfriend, although we never had a talk about our status. So one day out of confusion I asked him:

Me: “we’re friends right”
Him: “of course, why?”
Me: “Is that it?”
Him: “I mean what we have is more than a friendship but I’m not your man. We are just dating. I never really thought about what we are, I’m just going with the flow.”
Me: “Oh ok, because your friends keep saying I’m your girl and you’ve even said that I’m your girlfriend to some people”
Him: “I tell my close friends that you’re “my boo”, but you’re my lady friend. What we have is no one else’s business.”

{Before I had the above conversation, I knew that I wanted to be his girlfriend, but by me asking if I was his girlfriend would have made it awkward considering what his response was.}

He is a musician and is out of town frequently and invited me to go on tour with him, but I declined because I had a prior engagement.
He sometimes holds my hand when we are walking somewhere, touches me, and has even bought me cards that say something sweet like “thinking of you”. These are things that boyfriends do (in my opinion).
But at the same time, he flirts with other girls in front of me, but gets jealous if he sees me talking to a guy he doesn’t know. One weekend I went out of town and when I returned he was questioning me about if I had sex with anyone while away (which I didn’t). Some days he says he will call me and never does. I understand that he’s a musician, but that’s no excuse to not call. Sometimes when we are together he will be distracted by his phone nonstop. These behaviors are things a guy who is into you doesn’t do.
I asked him a few days later if he was sleeping with anybody else and he said “no”, and I was like “if you were I technically can’t be mad” and he agreed. He knows I’ve been hurt in the past and had very strong reservations about becoming involved with him for fear of experiencing pain again. I told him this and he still pursued more than a friendship so he knows what my fears are.
So it’s clear at this point that we are in a grey area as far as what we are. I’m somewhere in between a girlfriend and a friend.
So I’m a bit confused. I know at this point he is not my boyfriend, but why is he sending mixed signals. I want to be his girlfriend one day, but am I setting myself up to be hurt or is he really just going with the flow? How long do I wait before probing the subject again with more clarification?
I want to be his girlfriend, but I don’t want to seem pushy or needy or anything. But if he wanted something, wouldn’t he have brought it up during the conversation above? Or is he still deciding what he wants from me?
I’m very black and white when it comes to relationships because I’ve been hurt in the past from a friend with benefits situation. I don’t like this grey area so I’m becoming very impatient, but at the same time I know it takes time (more for men) to decide if you want a relationship or not.
How long should I stay in this grey area before moving on or talking to him about it? By the way, he just got out of a relationship about 2 months ago. We’ve been talking for about a month in a half. I’m not sure if it makes a difference.
If he says he doesn’t want a relationship with me, I will cut him off completely. It will hurt, because I would lose a friend and a prospective boyfriend, but I have to protect myself emotionally.
Idk if I’m a rebound from his ex, someone he is really interested in pursuing, or if he has just tricked me into a friends with benefits situation by saying we were “dating”. My intuition and his actions tell me that he isn’t using me for sex.
He has a reputation of being a player, but I don’t get wrapped up in the he said she said.
Am I setting myself up to be hurt? Am I just filling time until he finds someone he lik

[kai]

I notice that you have placed your question in the forum for Guest Writers and Advice Column Contributors.

[b]This is not in the forum where April answers readers questions. [/b]

If you want to get a response from April, please repost your question in the proper forum, the Q & A Advice Forum

[ankit]

He definitely likes you . But due to some reason he is not ready to take all this into a committed relation . Maybe he needs sometime . Give him some time to think and take your time too . The things you put in your post regarding his concern with you seems like he likes everything in you otherwise he don’t bother if you should talk to someone else .

[kai]

I notice that you have placed your question in the forum for Guest Writers and Advice Column Contributors.

[b]This is not in the forum where April answers readers questions. [/b]

If you want to get a response from April, please repost your question in the proper forum, the Q & A Advice Forum:
https://www.askapril.com/forums/viewforum.php?f=1

[AskApril Masini]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

[Natalie Noah]

You’re navigating a very confusing situation, and your frustration is completely understandable. From what you’ve described, he clearly has feelings for you he initiates contact, spends one-on-one time with you, shows affection, and expresses concern over your interactions with other guys. At the same time, his behaviors flirting with other women in front of you, being inconsistent with communication, and keeping your relationship undefined are sending mixed signals that make it hard to know where you stand. This grey area can be emotionally taxing, especially for someone who values clarity and security in relationships.

Given that he recently came out of a relationship, it’s likely that he’s still processing his feelings and may not be ready to commit fully, even if he genuinely likes you. His “going with the flow” approach suggests he wants to see where things naturally lead without putting pressure on either of you, but this can leave you feeling uncertain and vulnerable. It’s important to consider your own boundaries: if you need clarity and emotional consistency, it’s fair to communicate that to him and see how he responds.

The key is balance allow him space to figure out what he wants, but don’t lose sight of your own needs. If this ambiguity continues for too long and leaves you feeling anxious or undervalued, it may be healthier to step back, protect your emotional well-being, and focus on relationships where commitment and respect are clear. Relationships thrive when both parties are ready and aligned; staying in limbo too long can lead to unnecessary hurt, even if the connection is genuine.

[Member]

Posts