[Skinman]

I love this girl very much and she loves me too. She studies abroad.
I met her during her summer holiday and we instantly clicked. She has a boyfriend, but that didn’t stop us from developing a relationship.
She went back to school but we stayed in touch and spoke to each other everyday for three months. When she got back for the Christmas holiday, our love was even stronger. She kept on telling me how she was confused and had no more feelings for her boyfriend because of our relationship, but she said she was cohabiting with him and that it was near impossible for her to leave the apartment since her parents had paid half of her rent for the next 6 months with her boyfriend paying his share of the rent as well, so basically she is stuck with him, however she showed a semblance of still trying to make it work with him.

She is in her final year at the university and within 5 months she will be back for good. During the December holiday, things got heated up and we had sex several times. I could tell it was very emotional for her because she has had only one boyfriend in her life and I am only the second person she has slept with (or so she says).
I met her through a Friend of hers who I had relations with previously. They are close and she knows what happened between her friend and I, but she has looked past that.
Recently, she has been showing signs of wanting a serious future with me and she looks like she is ready to leave her boyfriend for me if I show that I am seriously committed to her for a long term relationship that could end up in marriage. I truly love her and I know that she loves me too, but my main reason for not showing her pure commitment is because my friends dont think she is good enough for me and my family wouldn’t accept her, based on her background ( I know that’s totally lame in this day and age, but it’s the fact).
In my opinion, you don’t choose who you love, it happens because of the compatibility between Two parties. I think we are highly compatible, but I can’t fathom disregarding my family and friends opinions, because they also matter and at the same time I love her but our future together looks foggy. I really need advice on how to deal with this kind of situation.

[caseyghatchell]

In this situation, do take close decision. If you really love that girl, be nice to her and wait. Time heals everything, and if you prove worthy to that girl your relationship will improve by the time progresses ahead. At this moment concentrate on you or whatever you’re doing like jobs, playing, traveling. Things will get better.

[AskApril Masini]

I think that this isn’t really ripe yet, since you said she’s not back (I guess you mean in the same country you’re in) for five months from now. Showing a commitment when you can’t even date, is jumping the gun. Why not just wait until you’re both in the same country, she’s single, and you are bothable to get to know each other by dating, before you make any serious commitments. Distance can stir drama, but if you’re interested in a long-term relationship, slow things down and get to know one another.

I hope that helps.

[Skinman]

Thank you all, really appreciate the advice.

[AskApril Masini]

You’re very welcome.

[Natalie Noah]

This connection was built inside uncertainty, not stability. She was emotionally and physically involved with you while still committed logistically and relationally to someone else. That doesn’t mean the feelings aren’t real, but it does mean the relationship hasn’t yet had the chance to exist in clean air. Right now, it’s fueled by longing, secrecy, distance, and “what ifs,” which can intensify emotions but distort clarity. A real relationship needs choice, not confinement or overlap.

Your hesitation isn’t cowardice, it’s discernment. You’re sensing multiple unresolved pressures: her unfinished relationship, geographic distance, family expectations, and social consequences. When love is right and ready, commitment doesn’t feel foggy, it feels grounding, even when it’s scary. The fact that you’re being asked to prove commitment before she’s fully free, before you’ve dated openly, and before you’ve seen how she lives independently of all this tension, is a warning to slow down, not speed up.

The advice to wait is solid because time will reveal what emotion can’t. Let her return, let her become single on her own terms, and let the two of you date without secrecy or urgency. If the connection survives reality family dynamics, everyday compatibility, shared values then commitment will feel natural, not forced. And if it doesn’t, you’ll have saved both of you from building a future on unresolved beginnings

[Member]

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