[Lookingforme]

I am recently separated from my husband of 11 years. I have a coworker that I’m very attracted to not just physical we get alone great and have many things in common we both feel the attraction. We finally made the moves on each other and it was amazing sparks were flying. We did not have sex because he is currently in a relationship of 3 years. He has always spoken of some unhappiness with his relationship but when it got down to it about to have sex he stopped he wanted to be a good person not hurt his girlfriend and he says he still loves her and wants a future with her. The connection is still there between us but i can no longer act on it. What should I do ? I want to talk it out with him but I don’t want to sound desperate but the connection we have is so real I know he feels the same he has said so. Do I respect his decision and let it go even though we have strong feels for each other ?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Decide what you REALLY want. 😉 Since you’re newly separated at the end of a long-term marriage, it makes sense that you want to see what else is out there for you. 🙂 But remember, finding someone at work, is like shooting ducks in a barrel. It’s easy — and in this case, you can probably end up having sex with him, but at a price. He’s in a long-term relationship with a girlfriend and the two of you work together, so if things get complicated, they’re going to be complicated at your workplace. My advice is to accept his rejection and embrace dating outside of the office. Hopefully, your divorce will be completed soon, which prevents you dating as a married person, and allows you to play the field and figure out what it is you really want in a guy. But for now… he’s been clear with you, and if we all acted on every feeling we had, we’d be living in chaos! You can be attracted to someone and not have sex with them — and in this case, since he’s said he’d rather not because he has a girlfriend, this might be an excellent reason to hold off. Look beyond the office and beyond anyone who’s already in a long-term relationship.

[Sally]

What you felt was real. I won’t take that away from you. But real feelings don’t automatically mean real timing. He showed you something important when he stopped. He chose not to cross a line, even though he wanted to. That tells you who he is right now someone who isn’t available.

Talking it out won’t change the core truth. He already decided to stay where he is. Anything more between you would just keep you stuck in hope instead of healing, especially when you’re already raw from a separation.

Respecting his choice doesn’t mean the connection was fake. It just means you’re protecting yourself from being the almost.
Let it cool. If it’s meant to come back, it will come back clean. Right now, you deserve space to land on your feet, not another complicated heartbreak.

[Tara]

Stop romanticizing this. You’re fresh out of an 11-year marriage, emotionally raw, and projecting intensity onto the first man who made you feel alive again. That doesn’t make it destiny it makes it predictable. He is not choosing you. He chose his girlfriend. He stopped because he still loves her, wants a future with her, and decided at the critical moment that you were not worth blowing up his life for. That’s the truth no matter how electric it felt.

The “connection” you’re clinging to is chemistry plus secrecy plus emotional escape. Of course it feels powerful it exists in fantasy, not reality. Reality is this: he is taken, he knows it, and when forced to choose between integrity and impulse, he chose integrity. If you keep pushing, talking it out, or fishing for reassurance, you’re not being brave or honest you’re being disrespectful to his boundary and humiliating yourself.

Respecting his decision isn’t a noble option it’s the only option that preserves your dignity. You don’t need closure conversations, emotional processing sessions, or confessions of mutual feelings. Those are just excuses to keep the attachment alive. You walk away, you shut this down completely, and you stop participating in an emotional affair with a coworker who already told you where you rank.

[Lidya]

After 11 years of marriage, I think you want peace, not new drama. If that guy is afraid of cheating on his girlfriend, then he is either a very good person or a very cowardly person. In both cases, it can be difficult for you.
If he has clearly said that he wants to be with his girlfriend, respect that and stop chasing him.
AskApril was right, that you just got out of an 11-year marriage. Get out of the office and see the world. Instead of chasing someone who is already taken, you should try other people.

[Member]

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