[queend2606]

Hi Im gonna make this short as possible. So I met a guy online we exchanged numbers and begin to text each other. This all happened a few days before Valentines Day. We end up having our first date on valentines day and make things official by becoming boyfriend and girlfriend. (Another note I had just gotten out of a relationship like a couple months before I met the him) Everything was good he treated me very nice I was scared to get close to him at first because I had just gotten out of a relationship and I would tell him that maybe it was the right time for me to start dating again but he assured me he was not like other guys. So I decided to stick it out and give him a try. Our first month together was horrible it seemed like we fought all the time over silly things, second month the fights dwindled down and we became closer, our third month I had broke up with him because of a heated argument then I realized I made a mistake and tried to get him back…he took me back and things were going good until he let his friend move into his apartment with him which meant we would no longer have that much privacy. He also started to bring around another female friend that he considers his “sister”but I didnt like the idea. She was dating his friend and they hooked up and they stopped talking then she started talking to my now ex-boyfriend all the time and popping up over his house all the time. Its weird that all of a sudden he starts spending all hus time with his so called “sister” even sometimes late at night when im not around. i told him if he wants her he can have her through a text he says. “cool” and I knew from there I was not going to allow him to disrespect this way. He then tells me that he will find another girl like me and to leave him alone because he single now and I tell him bye…lose my number! So do you think I dd the right thing by letting him go? (we dated for four months if that helps and he is 25 about to be 26 soon)

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Yes. You did the right thing.

Next time, slow down and if you’re fighting a lot in the first month, move on and don’t invest so much time and emotion in someone who isn’t right for you! 😉

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[queend2606]

Thank You so much!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome! 😀

[queend2606]

Hi April Im back for an update. After I had broken things off with him two days later he text me because he knew he was wrong (Also I wanted to point out we are different cultures, he is from Ghana and Im from The United states but he lives in the United states now so we have different cultural differences and customs and whats acceptable there is not acceptable here) So basically he wanted me to take him back and I said we can try or relationship again and told him we need to lay down some rules and he agreed and things are going great now we realized that we do argue a lot because we dont give each other enough space, so now we make sure we give each space so we wont fight so much) I really do love this guy and he has always been there for me and makes sure everything is ok with…just yesterday my car stopped and I called him and he came to my rescue even though he was at school he dropped everything to come make sure I was ok! I feel happy for taking him back just wanted your opinions on this?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think you’re probably going to see more of the same behavior from him with time. 😳

[queend2606]

I think you may be right but Im gonna take a last chance on him and try for the last time then Im done! Most of the fights are because I think of his insecurities he was cheated on twice in two different relationships and hes scared someone is going to take me away so he gets kinda protective when another guy tries to talk to me. Just after our break up his so called best friend tried to get with me (and they live together) behind his back so now he is really protective of me now. Should just give up now and throw in the towel or see what happens?

[queend2606]

And another thing ever since his friend has moved in with him hes been causing chaos between me and my boyfriend our fights have been pretty bad since he’s been here and we never had fought so much but now our plan is to get his friend to move out because he is trying to come between us and he doesnt care that Im with my boyfriend and still tries to talk to me

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I told you when you first wrote to me that you did the right thing by breaking up with him. I still think that that was the right move.

I think you’re making excuses for his behavior based on his past because you don’t want to let go. Everyone has a history and a past, but we all have the opportunity to overcome our pasts and be a better today. If he’s stuck in his past and it’s affecting his relationships now, it’s really up to him to make changes. If he does, great! If he doesn’t, you’re going to continue to see more of the same. I understand that you want to give it another shot and see if it works out. Just make sure you have a limit for yourself at which point you know enough is enough. 😉

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[queend2606]

I know how much I can tolerate which is why Im willing to give him another chance He has always treated me very well…he doesnt hit me or use me in any way and we have not even had sex yet he respects me to the fullest my family loves him and his family loves me. Ive seen much worse post where people are being blatenly mistreated but this man does nothing to harm me or does nothing to use me…I know people make mistakes because he has forgiven me in the past when I broken up with him for no reason nobody is perfect and I know the risk im taking by trying again but Im willing to look past all of the issues and work on us and whats happening now…we are trying different ways to make our relationship stronger. We plan to get married someday so its good we go through these issues so when marriage is near we will know what to expect. Isn’t that what love is all about?
~ I will keep you updated!~
Thanks

[queend2606]

also i do admit i have trouble letting go…but this is the first relationship where it has not been about sex and im proud that I have been able to be with a guy who hasnt tried to get in my pants and this is also my longest relationship most of my relationships last about a month and then thats it…im now going on 5 months with my current guy and yea we have our issues but we work through them. when i first met him he accepted my insecurities of guys hurting me and he took me in knowing that I had bad thoughts about men in my head I have been getting better and he has taught me a lot of things during these months that no guy has ever done before.

[queend2606]

You know what I think I have answered my own questions…I know what I want and I know how he treats me. Its human nature to look at all the bad things that a person does instead of looking at the good that they do. In my case the good outweighs the bad. So thanks for Your help but I know deep down its my decision to either accept his flaws or not as with him he accepts my flaws. Sorry for wasting your time and writing so many post but I had a moment of realization that the decision to stay with someone is solely up to ME!

Thank you and have a great day April!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome! 😀

I’m glad you came to a conclusion that works for you!

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[queend2606]

UPDATE!!!
So I decided to let him go finally I was getting bored with the relationship and tired of us constantly fighting I feel free and now I can find someone is who is willing to compromise and and not argue with me when I bring up issues…you were right that his behavior was gonna show again but I guess I just didnt want to be single again but Im doing totally fine. Thanks again

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome! 😀

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