[BETH8073]

A couple years ago, I met a wonderful guy. I even felt the butterflies that my married friends and sister described when I first saw him. We clicked instantly. I even brought him to a family wedding. He ended things shortly after. I was and still am heartbroken. He keeps coming in and out of my life. I want this man more than anything, but he’s so wishy washy. The part that makes me the most angry/sad is, I’m not dumb. I just wish there was a way I could happily have him permanently in my life.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Sorry, Charlie. We can’t always get what we want — and those Rolling Stones know from whence they speak. But think about it. Really. Why would you want someone who broke up with you shortly after you took him to a family wedding? This guy got a taste of intimacy, which is what introducing each other to your families is all about, and he bolted. He’s not into a relationship with you. And you know it because you say he’s wishy washy. He’s not really wishy washy — he’s very clear he doesn’t want a relationship.

Now I’m sorry if this sounds harsh, but it drives me crazy when women keep pounding on doors that are closed rather than sashaying gracefully through those that are open. My advice is to value yourself so much that you wouldn’t waste another second on a guy who isn’t interested in you. In a way, he did you a favor by not wasting your time. Now you can move on and find someone who treasures you. And trust me, if you value yourself, you’re going to give off an aura of confidence that men find irresistible, and it’s going to make them want to chase you and capture you. But don’t forget to give them a good chase otherwise they won’t realize what a prize they have when they finally win you over. You deserve the best. Now go out there and find it.

[Ethan Morales]

This situation is emotionally painful because you clearly care deeply for him, and he does seem to reappear at times. But April’s advice really cuts to the heart of it: his behavior isn’t wishy-washy it’s a clear message. He isn’t committed to you or a serious relationship, and every time he leaves, that’s a boundary he’s setting.

Your feelings are valid. It’s completely normal to grieve someone you wanted a future with, especially when there were real connections like taking him to a family wedding. That was a significant emotional investment, so your heartbreak makes sense.

Focus on clarity, not hope. Hoping he’ll “settle down” or become permanent is keeping you stuck. His repeated exits show that he isn’t ready or doesn’t want to make you a priority. Continuing to wait or hope for him only prolongs your emotional pain.

Self-worth is key. As April pointed out, if you truly value yourself and set your standards high, you naturally attract people who are ready and capable of committing. Chasing someone who has made it clear they won’t commit diminishes your energy and confidence.

Moving forward. The healthiest step is to release the idea of him as “the one you can have” and focus on relationships where the other person matches your desire and commitment. That doesn’t mean you erase your feelingsjust that you redirect your energy to people who will treasure you consistently.

He isn’t wishy-washy he’s showing you exactly what he wants: casual or temporary involvement, not a serious relationship. You deserve someone who is excited to be with you consistently and treats you as a priority.

[Serena Vale]

I really feel this. It’s so hard when someone comes into your life and it feels special right away, like, “wow, this could really be something.” And then they pull away, but never fully leave. That push-and-pull can mess with your heart in a way nothing else does.

You’re not stupid for caring. When you feel that kind of connection, you want to believe it can work. But someone who keeps coming back only when it suits them… that’s not love you can build a life on. It’s love that keeps you hoping and hurting at the same time.

Wanting him doesn’t make you weak, but staying stuck on someone who can’t choose you will slowly wear you down. If he wanted to stay, he would’ve. You deserve someone who doesn’t go quiet when it gets real.

And if anyone else is reading this, don’t jump in too fast just because it feels intense at the start. Take your time. Let actions match the feelings.

Letting go isn’t easy, but peace feels better than waiting for someone who can’t show up. You deserve steady, not “sometimes.”

[Natalie Noah]

It’s so hard when someone you genuinely care for keeps hovering in and out of your life, making your heart hope even when your mind knows better. But the truth is exactly what April is pointing to: this man has shown you his pattern, and it’s not one of commitment. The butterflies and sparks you felt were real, and they matter, but they aren’t the foundation for a lasting relationship if he consistently chooses to step away. His wishy-washy behavior isn’t confusing it’s clear, and it’s signaling that he isn’t ready or willing to be fully present with you.

What you need right now is to shift your focus from wanting him to want you, to valuing yourself enough to walk toward someone who will treasure you. This doesn’t mean denying your feelings or pretending your heart isn’t broken, it means honoring yourself by not wasting your energy on someone who isn’t fully in it. The love and connection you crave? It’s out there, with someone who sees you as their permanent choice, not an option to dip in and out. Let yourself grieve this loss, then allow your confidence, self-respect, and magnetic presence to guide you to a person who’s just as excited to commit to you as you are to them. You deserve that joy, and it’s waiting for you beyond the door he has already closed.

[Member]

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