[howardsam]

Hi there,
Im hoping you can help me….

I got with this girl on 10th febuary 2011, her mum died of cancer on 28th january. we had only known eachother for like 2 weeks. But we seemed to click straight away, everything was fine for 2 month but then she cheated on me. After a week with this new guy she dumped him and begged for me back, we talked and she promised she wouldn’t do it again and i took her word for it. We was all fine after this apart from occasional silly arguments. But a few weekends ago she wanted a break, after we was on a break for 3 hours she rang me up crying and said she had made a huge mistake and didnt want the break anymore…. I told her to think about it fot an hour and then ring me again, so she rung me and we got back together, we went out that weekend, my treat i tried to get her out the house some more. After this we was fine for about 2 weeks then we stayed down her nans caravan and we went out that night with her dad, and both her nans. We had a laugh but she seemed distant… I didnt think anything of it, and when we got back we started “fooling around” a bit. But she was getting texts from another guy saying think of him while we fooled around… And i was going to text him but she said to leave it shr just wanted to carry on… So we started messing around, and all of a sudden she stopped… And said she might go to bed. Thats when i asked her why she didnt like having sex anymore, and thats when.she replied “thought you said it wasnt about that” and i said it isnt but is nice to every now and then. After this she went to bed, and although we were texting i asked her if she loved me…. she replied saying she wasnt sure…. When we woke up in the morning it was a bit awkward but it seemed okay. anyway after being in the car and dropping her 2nd nan off she text me saying we need to talk when we get in… I knew what was coming. She broke up with me i burst out crying and went home… A few days later she text me saying she wanted me to get back with her, shes sure shr wants me back… After talking to her we got back together… We met on saturday and sunday, but saturday we had a bit of fun and we did again on sunday… Then monday she was really blunt and when i demanded why she said she doesnt feel the same anymore… I asked why and she said the spark had gone… So i asked her if we could meet and talk about things… I went round hers that thursday, but i had brought her a card with loads of stuff saying i love her and dont want to let her go etc. A teddie saying i love you, flowers, chocolates and a frame of loads of pictures of us whrn there was clearly a spark. After talking she explained she doesnt feel the same still, and wanted to be “best mates” as she couldnt bare losing me altogether. I went along with this and it was going okay, we had a argument and i phoned her up and said some stuff about me not trusting her and tht… The next day after ignoring 9 missed calls and 4 texts i replied and we sorted things out to be mates again. We met up a few days later and she was distant to start with, but when we went in her room she took my keys messing about so i tried getting them… And she was messing about nd stuff not giving them back, and she put them down her bra… So i immedietly started trying to get them out and stuff, but it ended up us both turning eachother on… we got called for dinner the keys still in her bra… After dinner we went back in her room and this time she turned off the lights. I started again going for the keys but started grabbing her boobs squeezing them turning her on, kissing her kneck. After doing this i lifted her up and moved her to where her pillows where and carried on kissing her kneck, i lifted up her top and started sucking on her nipples remembering she used to love this… and then i went in for a kiss while rubbing her pussy thru her tights. We snogged and after a while of carrying on doing what we was still kissing she said “this isnt right” i replied with “what is right?” And thats when i said ” i didnt want any of this apart from the kiss” and thats when she stopped it. I blurted out my feelings, and she just went blunt and i said to her we need to talk… After talking and me saying i still love her and will do anything to get her back… She still wants to be best mates, i agreed again… Now i know this sounds stupid… But i dont want to move on, i think she is the one, i know im only 16 and she 15 but the way we clicked and got on so well, i dont want to move on, i want another chance, have you got ANY idea how i could get her back, its stupid but thats what i want. Im seeing her tomorrow and just want to get her back. Any ideas how i could turn her from bestfriend to girlfriend again. I love her and will do anything… I mean anything!
Thank you so much

[AskApril Masini]

If you told me that you just got a cat and you want it to bark and every now and then it makes a barking noise, but then it goes back to meowing, I’d tell you that this cat is not going to bark because it’s not a dog. Like the cat, this young woman is all over the map emotionally, and has been from the day you met her. She’s not going to change for a long time. In addition to that, her mother just died this year, and she’s got legitimate emotions to sort out — this isn’t the time for you to be able to count on her for constancy given who she is, what she’s gone through and how old she is (teenage hormones are responsible for a lot of behavior that isn’t all consistent).

I don’t think there is anything you can do to make her be your girlfriend — and stay your girlfriend. She may come back to you, but she’ll break up with you again soon after. That’s who she is.

I hope that helps, even if it isn’t good news.

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[howardsam]

Yeah that is great advice… But what do i do about “trying” i want to be mates, but i don’t want her to move on, because that will kill me inside! ive always tried best for this girl, should i for this situation, be there for her, and just try to make her feel secure…. i don’t know why because i have dealt with breakups before…. but this is the worst. It felt like she was the one, and we were so close. I know this sounds so stupid for someone to be so young, but ive always been mature, and not easily put off. I want this girl, and wanna try anything.

What is the best option for now?
Should i back off of the “i love you” or shall i keep telling her i love you?
I thought of just being like best mates and messing around, nothing sexual, no touchy feely etc… but have a laugh. and then just as i am about to go home, kiss her on her head or something…. something to let her know she is still the one for me, and i’ll keep on trying no matter how hard it is.

Thanks for your advice…. it kinda helped me understand :/

[AskApril Masini]

There’s not a lot you can do because she’s all over the place. I don’t recommend continuing to tell her that you love her. And I don’t think she’s going to be your girlfriend right now, without breaking up with you shortly after she tells you she will be.

I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but I don’t think you can have what you want here with her. 😳

[howardsam]

Okay yeah :/ well thanks alot for your help… It kinda helped ill just see how things go… If i have to be her best buddy i will. Thanks for all your help

[AskApril Masini]

You’re welcome. 😀

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