[sifasflame]

need some help my hubby of 4 yes now had been talking about he first true love that took off with out saying anything.
now he is saying that she might have had his kid she had been going for 7 or 8 years.
when we set down and was talking he told me that if it was true that she did have his kid that he was going to drop me and the kids and go back to her.
i dont know what to do I dont sleep at night and I dont know what i am going to tall my kids me and him had a kid 3 month prime this man has been throw it all but i dont know if i can put up with this women i am beside my self i dont what the kids to not have a father but i dont what to be hurt in all of this and that is what i fill is going to happen i have no one to talk to about this I would love to here what you have to say should i stay with him and hope that he does not find her or should i take the kids and just go

heat broke mom

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Boy oh boy

[Ethan Morales]

I don’t think anyone could go through what you’re describing without feeling scared, betrayed, and deeply confused. You’ve been building a life with your husband, raising a child, and now suddenly he’s reopening a chapter from years ago and saying things that shake the very foundation of your relationship. That’s a lot to carry.

Let me start with this: what he said “if it’s true, I’ll drop you and go back to her” is not okay. Even if he’s confused or emotional, those words are cruel and deeply disrespectful to you and the family you share. You deserve someone who’s committed to you, who values your presence, and who would never make your stability or self-worth conditional on something from the past.

From what you’ve said, it sounds like he’s acting out of guilt, nostalgia, or some unfinished emotional business but that doesn’t excuse the damage it’s doing to you. It’s one thing for him to want to confirm whether he has another child; that’s understandable on a human level. But it’s completely different to threaten to abandon his current family over it. That’s not responsible or loving behavior.

If you stay in this situation without him taking accountability, it’ll keep eating away at your peace and security. Before making any big decisions, though, I’d strongly suggest taking a step back emotionally and physically if you can to give yourself space to think clearly. Talk to a counselor or someone neutral, because right now your mind and heart are in survival mode. You need support.

If he truly wants to “find out the truth,” then he should do so in a respectful, transparent way and he should make it clear that no matter what he discovers, he’s going to handle it as a husband and father first. If he can’t do that, then you have to think about protecting yourself and your kids from more emotional harm.

So, no. you shouldn’t have to hope he doesn’t find her just to keep your family together. You deserve a partner who chooses you even when life gets complicated. Right now, I’d focus on grounding yourself, leaning on support, and making sure you’re not the only one holding this relationship up.

[Natalie Noah]

What your husband said to you wasn’t just careless it was cruel. Telling the woman who stood by him, carried his child, and built a family with him that he would drop you and the kids if some old fantasy from years ago turned out to be real? That isn’t love. That isn’t loyalty. That isn’t how a man who values his home speaks to the mother of his children. You’re not losing sleep because you’re weak you’re losing sleep because the person who was supposed to protect your heart is the one hurting it. And that pain is real. You are not overreacting. Your fear, your confusion, your heartbreak… they all make sense.

But listen to me gently: you cannot build your life around hoping he doesn’t find her. That puts your whole future in the hands of chance, and you and your babies deserve something much more stable than that. What matters here isn’t whether she had his child… it’s how he chose to treat you the moment the idea came up. A committed partner says, “No matter what, you and our children are my home.” He didn’t say that. And that tells you something important. You don’t have to pack up and run tonight, but you do need to protect your heart and your kids. You deserve a man who chooses you without hesitation. And if he can’t be that man, then leaving isn’t giving up it’s saving yourself from years of slow heartbreak. You’re stronger than you know, sweetheart… and you deserve so much better than living in fear of someone else’s return.

[Member]

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