[Greg1004]

Hi, im a 20 year old male, not sure if you need to know much about me but may help, im a student, Im usually pretty outgoing and social and reasonably confident but im quite shy also. Ive never had a relationship last longer then a month but have had an emm enough one night stands i guess, which some have been repeated but not gone anywhere. Now to what id need help with:

I met a girl on holiday in Zante (Lads holiday) in july and slept with her on 2 occasions after nights out as we were in the same hotel, seems from chatting round the pool we got on well and she lived nearby, approx 35 min train journey. We left on different days as we flew from different airports, and upon leaving she said get in touch..please.

So a week or so goes by and she adds me on Facebook and we begin chatting and its all going great. We have a reunion with her and my mates renting a barn and we had intercourse over this weekend and made plans to see each other again more individually and not part of a group. So again a few weeks go by and were exchanging texts etc. I went to visit her and we went for some food and then to a bar and was a great night and i dropped her home and left.

Since then we had been getting more personal and both expressed our feelings for each other, however shes very laid back but also uptight about relationships and committment, therefore i didnt want to pressure her into anything, and she explained how it would take time but would work out in time.

Few weeks on we meet in manchester with all her friends and mine and have a good night and she stops in my hotel with me, have intercourse and i get a lift back with her and a few mates and it was cosy in the car etc. We again arranged to meet again individually but this time she would stay at my house and we’d go on a date typed meal and drinks.

2 weeks pass and its the saturday shes meant to be coming, she says shes still coming at 6pm and is awaiting her mother to drop her to the train station, 4 hours go by and her mam hasnt got home so she cant get here blah blah blah so we leave it and rearrange for the following weekend, this weekend comes and again it falls through. Im left thinking is it me, but weve been chatting and its normal chat and we still say we like each other etc.

We then have a deep convo one evening of which i just let out the fact that i cant see any progress and it doesnt seem to be going anywhere and i need some sort of reassurance, she vaguely reassures me, but im still left iffing and butting whether she really wants anything, but the next night she again expresses that in time it will work just give it time.

so last week i went to a nearby city to her for a night out for a lad on my courses’ birthday and she says she’ll meet me out, so we meet and have some small drunken argument about nothing, and i proceed to get my own taxi back to my hotel for the evening sligtly upset and slightly angry, come 2 o clock she asks if she can come see me says she thinks we need to chat (i barely remember this stage), i agreed and she came over, the argument had pretty much deteriorated completely and we just proceeded to have intercourse. In the morning it again was cosy and she was acting like i was her boyfriend, cuddling in and just general bf/gf behaviour. Since this the contact is still there but its toned down a bit, so i asked if there was a reason why and she said im thinking to much into it, nothings changed.

I now feel like i just want to say look i need to know where this is going if anywhere, but i know the answer will still be, give it time blah blah blah, but i really like this girl and just want it to go further, i rarely see her to be honest and i think this doesnt help but its not helping me that the only time i see her is when i go out of my way. I do like this girl more so then i think ive ever liked a lass before, but i keep second guessing myself and thinking to myself that she doesnt want me, or it’ll never work, why dont i just give up and move on?..but whilst she keeps saying she does like me i just cant up and get past her.

Im just after some advice as to what i can do?..This girl doesnt deal well with stuff when i throw it on her from nowhere and want answers, i just need to somehow find a way of knowing how much she likes me and to be honest some solid reassurance, like for her to do something to make me realise it will all be worth it but im just not getting that at all, i dont know if its me just being negative or the actual fact that she doesnt want me and its just occupying her at the moment. I just need some outside advice from you on how to deal with my feelings so that it doesnt all jumble in my head and maybe some ways of finding out where i am and what she wants without being pushy. Its been almost 3-4 months and things havnt really changed apart from intercourse, would it take this long to progress if the feelings i have were mutual (see i second guess and doubt myself a lot).

Hope you can help and ill thank you in advance for any information back!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]I now feel like i just want to say look i need to know where this is going if anywhere, but i know the answer will still be, give it time blah blah blah, but i really like this girl and just want it to go further, i rarely see her to be honest and i think this doesnt help but its not helping me that the only time i see her is when i go out of my way.[/quote]

My advice is that you DO go out of your way to see her. Pursue her, and win her over! 😉 Luckily, you’re only half an hour away from each other, so it shouldn’t be that hard to try and date her weekly, depending on your schedules. In the interim, send her flowers, love letters — let her know you want more. Her reaction will be the answer to your question, is she willing to give you a bigger commitment than the one you have now. 🙂

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