[eurobeauty]

Me and this guy have been talking for a few months now ever since the end of November. He lives in Florida and I live in Ontario Canada. since the start, things have been great and we hit it off from the get go and getting attached to each other, talking like couples do saying how much we missed one another even tho we never met in person yet but we both craved to be with each other so much it felt like we’ve already been with each other. Then just after New Years in January he ended things saying that him and his ex were getting back together to try to work things out. That there were unresolved feelings there. So we cut all ties and stopped talking. About 2 months later he texted me out of the blue apologizing for everything and how stupid he was for hurting me and ending something so great to go back to someone who would never change and who had hurt him in the past. He wanted me back in his life however he could have me and he never stopped thinking about me. So we started talking again taking things slow. About a couple weeks after he came up here for work and I went to go visit him and we spent some great time together. We are still talking now, every day, i hear from him multiple times during the day and things seem great. I really care strongly for him. Now here is where I face a dilemma and need some advice on what to do. In about 3 weeks time we had talked about me flying down there to Florida to go visit him once he gets back from his work trip which Im hoping i do get to do because not seeing him is hard. But right now we are not together in a relationship. Im not sure where we stand to be honest. I really care for him and want us to be an item. We dont have a title. I dont know if he talks to other girls or not but tells me all the time that he is mine and showed a hint of jealousy when other guys tried to message me on social media. Girls leave comments on his pictures and Ive seen little comments here and there on other girls pictures also, nothing major but still bugged me but I dont have a right to say anything cause were not together. About 10 weeks back just shortly after we started talking again I had asked him if he was talking to other girls because I wanted to know where we stood and how much of me I should invest and he had told me at the time that he wasnt seeing anyone, that his main focus was himself and getting to the next chapter of his life and getting to know me more. Which I agreed with and was done with. We werent acting as close at that time, not like now where we feel extremely close and almost feel like we are in a relationship the way we talk to eachother and talk everyday. My predicament is that I don’t know if I should ask him where we stand or where he sees this going right now before I go down there to see him, or if I should wait for after the florida trip and seeing him to give us a chance to spend some quality face to face time with each other since this will only be the second time seeing each other face to face since we met back in November. The first time only seeing him for a couple hours while he was here for work. I dont want to lose him but I also dont want to waste my time if he doesnt see us being together. He seems like he does but Im just not sure. Please help!

[Ask April Masini]

Long distance relationships are very different than in town relationships, and if a guy hasn’t made a move to date you within three months, he’s probably not that serious about the relationship. 😕 At least not yet! 😉 My advice is that you hold off on flying to see him — and let him be the one to come to you. It will give you an idea of how serious he is about you.

As for his dating other women, I think you should assume he is, since the two of you are only talking online. This isn’t a bad thing — unless, of course, you are assuming otherwise. It usually takes three months of in person dating to decide if you want to continue seeing the person and six months of in person dating to decide if you want to be monogamous. Seeing other people before that six month mark, is healthy because it keeps you from committing prematurely.

So sit tight, and let him be the one to fly to you, and meanwhile, play the field, as he probably is, until the two of you know each other in person, well enough to feel there’s a commitment.

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[eurobeauty]

I feel as if I m waiting for so long for him to come up here and since he came up here to Canada last time when we saw eachother for work thats why i thought it would be ok to fly down to see him since who knows when he will come up here. He keeps telling me he is going to and just waiting to get enough funds together but Im growing impatient which is why I said Id fly there. So should I hold off on asking him about where we stand until after we see eachother?

[quote=”April Masini”]Long distance relationships are very different than in town relationships, and if a guy hasn’t made a move to date you within three months, he’s probably not that serious about the relationship. 😕 At least not yet! 😉 My advice is that you hold off on flying to see him — and let him be the one to come to you. It will give you an idea of how serious he is about you.

As for his dating other women, I think you should assume he is, since the two of you are only talking online. This isn’t a bad thing — unless, of course, you are assuming otherwise. It usually takes three months of in person dating to decide if you want to continue seeing the person and six months of in person dating to decide if you want to be monogamous. Seeing other people before that six month mark, is healthy because it keeps you from committing prematurely.

So sit tight, and let him be the one to fly to you, and meanwhile, play the field, as he probably is, until the two of you know each other in person, well enough to feel there’s a commitment.

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[Ask April Masini]

Don’t ask him where you stand. 😯 You already know where you stand. You don’t like it, and by asking, you’re trying to leverage an answer that makes you feel better — because the reality isn’t. 🙁 Asking where you stand, when you’ve never even had a date, puts pressure on the man. Believe me — if he wants you to feel like you’re his girlfriend, he’ll do that. If he doesn’t, he won’t. Don’t do the chasing or the backing him into a corner. 😉

Also, I’m confused. In your first post, you said you’ve never seen each other in person. 😕 In this second post, you said you saw each other.

Third, if he doesn’t have the funds to visit you and take you out on a date, you may be getting involved with someone who, long distance, who doesn’t have the resources to sustain a long distance relationship. This problem will just become more magnified as time goes on.

I know you’re impatient, and that’s really the problem here….. do some nice things for yourself, and consider playing the field and meeting other guys to date while this LDR relationship you have with this man you’re writing about, plays out. It will alleviate your impatience, and help you make decisions that aren’t based on panic or anxiety, but are, instead, smart dating decisions. 🙂

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[eurobeauty]

I’m sorry for the mix up. I mentioned in my first post that we did meet up once while he came up here for work 2 months ago. I went to see him for a few hours while he was here and we spent some nice time together. Since then I have not seen him. That’s why we were planning to see eachother soon, either me fly down to Florida or he flies up here to see me.

He also does have the funds and he does work and does pretty good for himself but I think it’s just like any normal situation where you want to get the extra money together and take the time off work to make a trip instead of flying out on a whim. So I think that once we were in a steady relationship (if that happens) we would end up seeing eachother more often.

Thanks April. You’re absolutely right. I guess I just really have strong feelings for him and want to know where this is headed so I don’t waste time on him. I’m not the type of girl who likes to date multiple men at once when I really have eyes for one guy and like him. It’s hard for me to date like that. But you’re right not to ask him and let things go where they may at his own pace. I need to try to not be so impatient and worry that some other girl will snatch him up and I end up hurt again cause my feelings for him grow everyday as much as I try to hold back

[Ask April Masini]

I understand — but putting all your eggs in one basket comes with risks. My advice is to diversify your risk by not investing that way when you don’t really have a relationship going yet. And you’re right — dating is competitive, and some girl may snatch him up — but, so, too may some guy snatch you up, as well! 🙂 Always bring your A game, but play it cool. It’s a balancing act like so much of life, but simply processing it, as you are is a good way to do this.

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[eurobeauty]

So your end advice would be to just leave things as they are, and just let things fall into place themselves without asking him where we stand? And also let him be the one to come up to see me first?

[Ask April Masini]

If you wait for a man to pursue you — instead of making it too easy for him, or even doing the chasing, yourself — you will have a clear idea of how much he likes you. 🙂 That’s why I think you should wait for him to decide he wants to see you so much, he’s going to fly down and make a date! 😉

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[eurobeauty]

Yes you’re right. I just have to fight the impatient feeling of wanting to get things going. Waiting on him is taking forever. But you’re right to leave him come see me when he wants and move at his pace. Thanks for the advice April

[Ask April Masini]

Waiting is no fun for anyone. 🙂 That’s why I suggested earlier that you focus your energy on you, your friends, playing the field — healthy things that keep you from obsessing or focusing so much on his response that you get anxious or needy. 😉

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[eurobeauty]

Thank you April 🙂 Very happy I found this forum. You’ve definitely helped put things in a new perspective for me. I’ll use your advice and focus on me and let him come to me at his own pace. Thanks again 🙂

[Ask April Masini]

You’re very welcome – and thanks for the kind words. 🙂

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[eurobeauty]

Hi April.
I wrote in a little while ago regarding this guy I’m seeing. We have been talking for a few months now, it’s a long distance thing, he lives in Florida I live in Ontario Canada. Since we started talking we’ve only seen eachother once when he came up here for work but speak almost every day. Where he would text me almost every morning and a couple times during the day and we talk to eachother like we are a couple even tho we’re not in a committed relationship. He’s coming up again in two weeks for work where we had planned for me to go stay with him while he’s here which we were both excited for to see eachother. Now here is my dilemma. I speculate he is talking to other women as well. I guess technically he is allowed since we’re not in a relationship but seeing as I’m not like that it’s difficult for me to date other men as I have such strong feelings for him. I see other girls comments on social media and things like that to make me pretty sure that he is. And it really bothers me. But for the past Week about, I’ve noticed a change between him and I. I’ve noticed he’s a bit more distant towards me. Doesn’t text me in the morning anymore , doesn’t text me as often through out the day, maybe like once each day, I’ve sent him a couple pictures on snap chat where he used to respond to but the last two I sent I noticed he just looked at them and never replied to them with another picture or a text reponse. Told him a couple times I missed him where he just replied with a kissy face emoticon like sending me a kiss. The past few days hasn’t told me he missed me or was thinking about me where before he used to. He still texts me every day but once later in the day and just briefly. Send me a kiss emoticon and just a brief conversation and that’s it. Maybe will send me a picture of himself from the day but that’s all. I’ve been feeling in my gut that something is off and there is something wrong but afraid if I bring it up and ask him why things are different between us, it’ll make me look needy and bad and will push him away. He’s supposed to be coming up in two weeks. Should I step back a little and give him his space and wait to see him, maybe seeing eachother will make things better since its been almost 4 months since seeing him last? Or should I bring it up to him now and ask him what’s going on? Please help. I’ve been losing sleep over this the past few days and have anxiety. I haven’t even heard from him all day today and that’s not really normal. Usually I’ll hear from him at least once but today nothing even though he’s been online social media and chat apps. I’m really scared to lose him but worrying maybe he’s pulling away.

[Ask April Masini]

Long distance relationships are different than in town relationships. They’re easier in some ways, and much more difficult in others. But the biggest issue is the opportunity for miscommunication — especially when you don’t see each other regularly and often. [u]You should assume he’s dating other people.[/u] And if you don’t date others as well, and he does, over the course of the 9 months you’ve been talking to each other, you’re going to rely on the relationship more than he is. That inequity is what’s making you feel so anxious. 😳 Instead of being realistic about the situation, you’re putting all your eggs in a basket that’s breaking. And because you’re bothered by this so much that you’re losing sleep, you really should only date people in town. Desperation pushes men away — and it doesn’t feel good to be the one who’s desperate, herself! It sounds like you’re about to see each other for the second time in 9 months, and you’re looking forward to it — but don’t assume this is monogamous or serious. When a guy doesn’t make an effort to see you more often than two times in nine months, it’s because he’s not ready for a long distance relationship, or he doesn’t really want one that’s more than there is. If you do, you should look elsewhere. 😉

I hope that helps. Let me know if you have any other questions.

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[eurobeauty]

From the beginning of January to the end of March we werent talking. He had gotten back together with an ex which then it didnt work out. Since the end of march he contacted me again apologizing for ending something good that him and I had to go back to his ex which was a complete mistake he said. we re connected and saw eachother once since then. and now will be the second time if i do end up seeing him.

I know I should be dating other guys and I am talking to other guys but my hearts all about him. And im more into that relationship with him then with anyone else. It’s just how I’ve always been.
So I have not heard from him since Saturday afternoon. Should I contact him? And should I ask him why he’s been so distant the past few days? I just sense a shift in us and it concerns me. I dont know if I should ask him about it or not. Or should I not ask him about it at all and just wait to see eachother if we do end up seeing eachother? Ive also been told to leave it and not message him at all and wait for him to contact me first. Not sure what to do.

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