[Ask April Masini]

[quote] Should I contact him? And should I ask him why he’s been so distant the past few days?[/quote]

No and no. Since he’s coming to town in two weeks, he’ll probably ask you out on a date and you’ll get to see how things go then. 😀

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[eurobeauty]

So just wait until he contacts me first then?

[Ask April Masini]

Yes! 🙂 When you wait for the guy to contact you first, and ask you out on a date, you know exactly where you stand and there is no confusion. 😉

I hope that helps. Let me know if you have any other questions.

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[eurobeauty]

Well I know I will be staying with him for the couple days while he’s here so I’m sure we will be able to do something while he’s not working. He did text me today and said he was looking forward to seeing me. So I guess things are ok. But there is still that underlying feeling like he is probably seeing other people which I don’t like. But will try to not think too much about it. I just hope that things get better and not sure how I will know if he wants to be exclusive in the future or not. If he doesn’t bring it up is it ok to ask him later down the line? I just don’t want to sit here wondering and waiting where we stand forever if he doesn’t bring it up himself

[Ask April Masini]

[quote]Well I know I will be staying with him for the couple days while he’s here so I’m sure we will be able to do something while he’s not working. He did text me today and said he was looking forward to seeing me. So I guess things are ok. But there is still that underlying feeling like he is probably seeing other people which I don’t like. But will try to not think too much about it. [/quote]

[b]He IS seeing other people.[/b] And it’s healthy and normal, since the two of you have spent very little time together and don’t have a commitment. 😀 Playing the field is the way you figure out if someone is right for you or not. 🙂

[quote]I just hope that things get better and not sure how I will know if he wants to be exclusive in the future or not. [/quote]

You will know if he wants to be exclusive because he will treat you like somebody special. He’ll introduce you to his friends and family. He’ll want to see you regularly and often. He’ll give you gifts and try to make you his own! That’s how you’ll know whether or not he wants to be exclusive.

[quote]If he doesn’t bring it up is it ok to ask him later down the line? [/quote]

No. Let him be the one to chase you — don’t you do the chasing. If you do, it takes away his opportunity to do so, and men love to be the ones to win women over. When you take that opportunity away from them, they lose interest. 😕

[quote]I just don’t want to sit here wondering and waiting where we stand forever if he doesn’t bring it up himself[/quote]

You shouldn’t sit there wondering — you should be out playing the field since you’re you’re not in a committed relationship with him. 😉 And you do know where you stand, but you don’t like it. 😕 When he starts sending you flowers, and buying you jewelry and introducing you as his girlfriend — that’s when you’ll you know there’s a commitment. 😀

I hope that helps. I know this is difficult for you.

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[eurobeauty]

Ok thank you April. I guess time will tell. And in the meantime let him take the lead and hope for the best. Thanks again xo

[Ask April Masini]

You’re very welcome. 🙂

In the meantime, I suggest you buy and read [b]Think & Date Like A Man[/b], the book I wrote for women who want to find, get and keep Mr. Right. I think it will have a lot of good advice for you. You can get it here: [url]http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0595374662/ref=lpr_g_1/102-2178981-9624908?s=ebooks&v=glance&n=551440[/url]. Some of it may seem very basic, but there is a lot of advice in here that I think will apply directly to your situation. 😉

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[eurobeauty]

Great! I’ll take a look thank you!

[Ask April Masini]

You’re very welcome. 🙂

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[eurobeauty]

Hi April,

So he will be here in a couple days to spend the weekend together while he’s here in my city for work. I still suspect he’s seeing another girl because of comments and things I’ve seen posted. It’s really bothering me. How can I get past this uneasy feeling knowing that he’s been talking and possibly sleeping with someone else while I’ll be spending the weekend with him and being intimate. With those thoughts being in the back of my mind. It just puts a bad taste in my mouth and I can’t get over those thoughts. I should be excited to see him not feeling bothered and uneasy.

[Ask April Masini]

[b][i][u]He IS seeing other women, and he’s probably sleeping with them, too. [/u][/i][/b]You’re not imagining it. It’s happening. And it’s normal. People play the field [i]before[/i] they have a commitment with someone. It’s a healthy approach to dating. [i]It’s time for you to get over this idea that he’s monogamous with you.[/i] By trying to convince yourself that he is, you’re making your own life miserable. 🙁 Try to face reality. That’s why I suggested you buy and read [b]Think & Date Like A Man[/b], [url]http://askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], so you’d get advice and tips on dating — to win! 😉

[quote]It’s really bothering me.[/quote]

That’s normal. It’s bothering you because you want him to be monogamous to you and he’s not. Things bother people when they don’t go the way that’s hoped.

[quote]How can I get past this uneasy feeling knowing that he’s been talking and possibly sleeping with someone else while I’ll be spending the weekend with him and being intimate.[/quote]

Good question — and here are the answers:

1. Process the reality of your relationship instead of daydreaming about it. You seem to be fantasizing a relationship that doesn’t exist. 😕 I’m not saying it won’t one day, 😎 but right now, you’ve only been with him [u]once[/u] before. This is essentially [u]a second date[/u] in a long distance relationship that’s been going on for 9 months. Don’t pretend it’s more than that — even if you wish it were. It may give you a temporary good feeling to do so, but it’s going to haunt you, as it is now, in the long run. 😉 If you can get a better grip on the [i]reality of the relationship[/i], you won’t be so bummed out. 🙂

2. Read the book I’ve been telling you to read, so you can really understand that dating is a process, not a magic potion that you add water to, shake and — voila, have a boyfriend! 🙂 You have to get to know each other before there’s a commitment. That’s what the dating process is all about, and the trick is to date smart, not impetuously. If you don’t get to know him and jump the gun into a premature commitment, you’re going to have relationship problems. 😮 Slow down and see if he’s really someone you want to continue dating — and if you’re someone he wants to continue dating, before you do anything else. Enjoy — don’t rush, and take a healthy approach, not an impulsive one.

3. If you can’t handle the fact that he’s dating and sleeping with other women, then don’t put yourself in a position to get hurt. 🙂 This type of long distance relationship isn’t for everyone. There’s no shame in deciding it’s too difficult for you, and you’d rather have the security of an in town relationship where it’s easier to get to know each other more quickly and more often!

[quote] With those thoughts being in the back of my mind. It just puts a bad taste in my mouth and I can’t get over those thoughts. I should be excited to see him not feeling bothered and uneasy.[/quote]

This all has to do with the way you’re approaching the relationship. You seem stuck in wanting this to be something it isn’t — instead of approaching it realistically. My advice all along has been to play the field to hedge against this slow moving relationship not working out. If it does work out, great — but if it doesn’t work out, and you’ve invested all your time in this one guy, you’ll be more let down and upset than if you had played the field and been honest with yourself about the relationship.

I hope this helps. I know it’s all so difficult for you. I hope you’ll buy the book and read it because it’s going to give you a helpful perspective on things. Let me know how it goes!

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[Ask April Masini]

Whatever happened with this guy? Have you moved on? Or are you still involved with him?

[PassionSeeker]

I can tell how deeply you care about him, and I completely get why this distance and silence are eating away at you. When you’ve built such a strong emotional connection — especially long-distance every small change in his behavior can feel huge.

Here’s the thing, though: you don’t need to chase him or press for answers right now. If he wants to be with you, he’ll reach out. When a man is genuinely interested, there’s no confusion about it. His energy matches yours he shows up, he communicates, he makes you feel secure. Right now, he’s not doing that, and that tells you more than his words could.

So take a breath and give him space. Don’t message him first. Focus on your own life, your friends, and other possibilities. It’s not about playing games it’s about protecting your heart from being the only one trying.

If he reaches out and follows through on seeing you, great. But if not, you’ll already be standing strong on your own. You deserve someone whose actions never make you guess where you stand.

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