[Nightmare]

So I’ve been dating this guy on & off for 3 mnths. He’s not a guy that is on my tick list. But nevertheless I can’t stop thinking about him. I’m not sure what it is I like so much I just feel this insane chemistry with him. Anyway My issue is he will never stay over. And his EXCUSE IS .. he has a funny sleeping pattern and he’s not use to sleeping next to someone. Even though he lived with his ex gf. Now he calls & text all the time. He wants to see me & go on dates. I have no other issue with him but this. I find it weird. I stopped talking to him for around 4 weeks hoping it would make him miss me & think about his sleeping pattern. I feel he did miss me, but did not change anything on his sleeping arrangements. Anyway I’d brought it up a few times. & last night he said ( over text I’ve not had him round since the fall out ) that because I’ve gone on about it so much he doesn’t think he will ever be able to sleep over .. and that I shouldn’t make a mountain out of a molehill???? This is a mountain to me though. This is God damn everest!!!! Even if a guy doesn’t particularly like some women the guy stays over. he doesn’t pack up & leave that same night. Now I know I should walk God knows I’ve tried but he pops back up & well he’s my kriptanite boo hoo. My question is .. could he be sincere & I see how it goes … putting my feelings in danger . Or do I run for the hills & never look back . I mean he’s not exactly thinking of my feelings and how this situation is making me feel. Even though I feel I have expressed it clearly.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I think there’s something else going on here. It’s not just about sleeping over. You said that the two of you had been dating on and off for about three months, and that’s about the time when you decide if you want to continue dating someone based on what you’ve learned about each other during the three months of dating. It sounds like you wanted more a commitment than he did and instead of focusing on that fact, you focused on his not spending the night as a way of his not showing that commitment.

My advice would have been, at the time, to chill out and focus on the big picture. If you really like him enough to let this difference slide for the time being, then you could have continued to date him and see how things progressed. Unfortunately, I think you were so focused on not getting what you wanted when you wanted it, that you pushed him away. 😳

Next time…. think big picture, not small one. 😉

[Nightmare]

Hi April

Thank you for your reply much appreciated
All my friends tell me to get rid of him. But I do not think he has actually done anything. Apart from frustrate me as I can’t get my own way. I’ve not scared him off he’s still around and wants to take me out on Saturday. Even though I have mentioned the not sleeping over again & again. The fact he still wants to see me, makes it even more confusing. He doesn’t want to fall asleep with me, but he wants to continue to see me. I’m confused is he just using me? I do give him a lot of stick & think if he was just using me he would of run a mile by now. As you are all ready aware patience isn’t my strong point.
So appreciate you messaging back thank you x

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I don’t think he’s just using you. 🙂

[Nightmare]

Hi April
Theres a whole new turn on the events. ….. So he wanted to take me out on saturday. But for some reason he changed this for friday. I asked if he had made plans for saturday but he just said he prefered fri. Which our date night had always been saturday. Anyway we went out for food & he actually SLEPT OVER!!!!!! Whooooo!!!! … This was a huge turning point for me. He also stayed the next day till after dinner, & i took that as a massive change in him, as this is what i have wanted, and hes been do adamant to give me, Anyway he got home & he text for a while. But then around 3oclock i replied with a smiley face to his text. & he never contacted me after that. Which has caused me to feel even worse than i did before he wouldnt stay over .
Why would he stay just to leave me ?
Is he seeing someone else hence why he changed our date ?
Why would he not contact me ?
I feel like he put me on a high ( by staying over ) and then just slammed me to the ground.
What do i do ?
I feel so upset, please help .. i feel i want to call him & go crazy!!!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Hi there and first of all — please don’t post multiple times in a row without having received a response from me. When you do that, you push your question to the back of the line, which I’m sure you don’t want. 😉 Also, the reason there is a word limit for this free service is to allow for others to get advice from me, as well. But keep your eyes peeled because they’ll be a new paid service coming out soon, where you have the option to expand on this word limit.

[quote]Why would he stay just to leave me ?[/quote]

He stayed because you wanted him to and this time, so did he! 😉 He left the next day because he has his own home. The date ended.

[quote]Is he seeing someone else hence why he changed our date ? [/quote]

He may have another date. Or something else.

[quote]Why would he not contact me ? [/quote]

Because he had Saturday night plans. They may have gone into Sunday.

[quote] I feel like he put me on a high ( by staying over ) and then just slammed me to the ground. What do i do ? [/quote]

You wanted him to stay over and he did. But now, you’ve turned this into drama. 🙄 Relax. The first 3 months of dating are to figure out if you want to continue seeing each other. If you do, then the next 3 months are to decide if you want to be monogamous. You’re still in that first 6 months, and this may or may not work out. Why not play the field to hedge against any disappointment and to take your mind off possible failures? 😉 I think you’ll be happier if you do.

[Nightmare]

My apologies

& thank you

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You’re very welcome. No apologies necessary — I just want you to be able to get your questions answered sooner rather than later. 😉

[rosie]

My advice would have been, at the time, to chill out and focus on the big picture. If you really like him enough to let this difference slide for the time being, then you could have continued to date him and see how things progressed. Unfortunately, I think you were so focused on not getting what you wanted when you wanted it, that you pushed him away. 😳

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Good advice!

[Sally]

It’s not really about sleep. It’s about feeling wanted and chosen.
Here’s the thing I learned the hard way. When a guy really wants to be with you, he doesn’t keep one foot out the door. The excuse might sound harmless, but the pattern isn’t. He shows up, dates you, texts you… then leaves every time. That does something to your heart, even if he doesn’t mean it to.

And him saying you’re making a mountain out of a molehill? That’s him brushing off something that matters to you. That part would hurt me more than the sleepover itself.

Could he be sincere? Maybe. But sincerity doesn’t cancel out impact.
If you already feel like you’re begging for something basic, that feeling usually doesn’t get better. Chemistry is powerful, but peace matters more. Protect yourself.

[Tara]

Stop lying to yourself. This isn’t “chemistry,” it’s an obsession fueled by inconsistency. A man who refuses to stay the night after three months, yet texts constantly, dates you, and disappears at bedtime is not confused, he’s containing the relationship to fit his comfort and nothing else. The sleep excuse is nonsense. He lived with an ex. He knows how sleeping next to someone works. What he doesn’t want is intimacy, vulnerability, or being fully present with you.

His reaction sealed it. When you told him it mattered to you, he didn’t try to understand; he dismissed it, blamed you for bringing it up, and punished you by saying he’ll “never” stay over now. That’s not sincerity, that’s control. He’s training you to accept less by making you feel unreasonable for wanting something completely normal. And no, men don’t routinely sleep with women they’re invested in and rush out like it’s a fire drill. That behavior screams emotional unavailability or a double life; pick one.

You already know the answer, which is why you’re calling it Everest. You feel unseen, deprioritized, and powerless,s yet you’re still negotiating against your own standards because he triggers your dopamine. That’s not love, that’s addiction. And every time you let him “pop back up,” you reinforce the dynamic where your needs are optional.

[Member]

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