[Emmaneedshelp]

I’m in desperate need of help! I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year and I know for definite that I’m in love with him. But gradually over time I’m thinking more about how much better my life would be without him and so on. He adores me but he’s one f these “needy” types. He requires constant praising and does the whole “you’re so beautiful” thing. I’m not exactly a girly girl but still I hate his compliaments and hate it when he does it. I liked him SO much when we first starting dating but now it’s really faded. I don’t know what to do because I don’t feel as though I want to break up with him, but other times I just want to shout it at him. There are times that we get on really well and just have a great laugh but that is never anything that is more of a relationship level, it’s more a laugh is have with any guy which is leading me to think he’s just not that special anymore. He buys me REALLY expensive gifts (not why I like him or why I am not considering this break up) and I just feel bad! He is really controlling as well. I haven’t worn a skirt in years! If he’s ever away and I’m off for a night out, I can’t wear anything that makes me feel good cause we always gets pics and put them on Facebook. He doesn’t like my two best guys friends which is kind of expected but they were there first you know? I never see my girlys and have to ask permission from him to go out for lunch with them! He hates me drinking too so I barely have a glass of wine even. He would just go in a mood and then guilt trip me. I’m a very dominant person and he isn’t really and I hate being under control but it may come across as he’s controlling but really he’s not but I have to tell him the wrongs and rights as he’s English and I’m Scottish and we lived in very different communities and different cultures really! My family(father and aunt) aren’t best fond of him but a father never wants to see his little girl go off get married but sometimes I think just screw them! But really I think I should be with someone that’s from my culture and understands everything. He just isn’t right for where I’m from and you could get frowned upon of you’re with someone from a different part of Scotland let alone england. I talk myself into breaking up with him and then he’ll do something and I’ll think, yeah! He’s not that bad. But then he’ll anger me so badly I just want it over with! He controlling, a whine and a needy kind of guy. But I still like him a lot! I just feel that at this point in my life (I’m quite young) I should be allowed to be free. I just would like a break. I like him a lot and wouldn’t want it to be the end but I LOVE his family and I can’t wait to meet the rest of them but sometimes I feel I’m only with him so I can meet his precious nieces which sounds HORRIBLE! I wish I was single but I love my boyfriend very much. What on EARTH do I do?! Please help!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You have to do something differently or you’re going to end up getting so angry and frustrated that you’ll direct your anger at yourself (for staying in a relationship without being true to you) at him and push him away. This is what people do when they don’t have the courage to be honest with themselves and their partners. 😳

I’m not sure how old you both are, but I think the crux of the problem lies here:

[quote]He is really controlling as well. I haven’t worn a skirt in years! If he’s ever away and I’m off for a night out, I can’t wear anything that makes me feel good cause we always gets pics and put them on Facebook. He doesn’t like my two best guys friends which is kind of expected but they were there first you know? I never see my girlys and have to ask permission from him to go out for lunch with them! He hates me drinking too so I barely have a glass of wine even. [/quote]

He’s not controlling you as much you’re enabling him. You can easily wear a skirt or have a drink — but you don’t. This is where things have gone wrong. When you’re not honest about who you are or what you want in your life, you end up in a bad relationship dynamic.

My advice is that you start being honest and doing what you want to do in your life. You can tell him that you understand he doesn’t like skirts, but you do. If he won’t date you because you’re wearing skirts, then you’re really in the wrong relationship.

I know he has some wonderful qualities, but if the two of you are not compatible, this won’t work. Your post really sounds like you want to break up with him, but you want my permission. Well, consider permission granted. Decide what is important to you in your life and then find someone with mutually compatible values, goals and desires. Compromise is required in any relationship, but so is honesty. 😉

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