[htotheizo]

Here’s the situation:

I was dating this girl for like 1 1/2 to two months and decided that I really liked her. We went on a few dates and she was certainly interested in me as she would reply to all of my texts and occasionally initiate contact. On our dates though, there were always a lot of other people around so I never was able to make a move. Because of this, I kept trying to get together with her as soon as possible to allow things to progress. I simply tried to pull her closer to me, got more relationshipy and kept chasing as I felt like she was starting to fall away and I guess this made me appear as needy and desperate. I pretty much became the “nice guy” cause that’s what I thought she wanted. We had a date set for her to come over to my house and study for an exam but she canceled on me the day before with some bs excuse and didn’t offer an alternative. She started giving me this look of disappointment when I would see her in school and seemed quite irritated when I talked to her once, So I didn’t contact/talk to her for a few weeks. I finally talked to her again without going out of my way to do so and things seemed better. She started looking at me differently when I would see her in school and I would see her and her friends looking at me and talking. At the end of the school year into summer, I went and told her that I thought that we should hang out this summer. She said she was down with that, would be around and said that she would “keep me updated”, but then said that she wasn’t looking for a relationship right now, but didn’t give me the “let’s be friends” speech.

Since then she’s been posting a lot of pictures on facebook with her friends so I’m not sure if that’s her saying that she’s over me or trying to catch my attention? Either way she hasn’t contacted me and I haven’t contacted her but of course its only been a week.

Obviously she doesn’t want a committed relationship which I didn’t really want anyways I just assumed that all girls wanted this, but other than that I have no idea what she wants. I can’t tell if she just wants to hook up with me (which is possible b/c she hinted at me sexually when we were together and I’m one of the most attractive guys in the grade), actually wants to be friends, or just doesn’t give a crap about me at all and would rather me leave her alone.

Basically what I want to know other than what she wants is:
1. If I should contact her or just wait and see if she ever contacts me? If so, how much longer should I wait before contacting her?
2. How should I go about figuring out what she wants?
3. If she wants to get together, what should I suggest that we do?
4. If she doesn’t contact me within the next couple weeks then I might just text her, “I’ll see you at the start of school” basically saying that I’m tired of her. Is this a good idea?
5. Should I go about trying to make her jealous with another girl that’s shown interest in me?

But overall I guess I should just move on for now and find someone else… But I just wanna know what she actually wants and how to figure this out because that will really help me move on entirely.

[AskApril Masini]

You’re putting all the responsibility on her by asking what she wants from you — when the reality is, you should be asking what it is that YOU want. Getting that answer is going to be a lot easier. 😉

If you want to date a girl, then you have to really do it. No excuses. When you said that you dated her for a couple of months but couldn’t make a move because there were other people on your date….. 😯 that’s not a date. A date is the two of you. You have to ask her out on a real date so she knows that that’s what it is. A movie is a date. Going out on a Saturday night for ice cream or dinner — that’s a real date. Inviting her hiking and on a picnic — that’s a real date. It’s fine to want to study together, but that doesn’t convey to her that you really want to date her. So, although in your head, you were dating her, she may very well have not realized the same thing! When you ask a woman out on a date and she says yes, you’ll know that she wants to date you. It’s that simple — but you have to do the work. You can’t skirt around it, and then wonder if she likes you or not. If she says no, and turns you down, then you’ll know she’s not interested in dating. 😉

[quote]Basically what I want to know other than what she wants is:
1. If I should contact her or just wait and see if she ever contacts me? If so, how much longer should I wait before contacting her?[/quote]

If you want to date her, then you should ask her out on a date. That’s how the typical dynamic goes. 🙂

[quote]2. How should I go about figuring out what she wants?[/quote]

Easy! If you ask her out on a date real date — one where it’s very clear that it’s a date — and she says yes, then you should assume she wants to date you. If she says no, she doesn’t.

[quote]3. If she wants to get together, what should I suggest that we do?[/quote]

If you know what she likes, then obviously, you should try and create a date that’s going to make her happy. The zoo, a sports event that she’s interested in, a museum, a play, a movie, a concert, a meal, coffee, desert — those are all some ideas of typical dates!

[quote]4. If she doesn’t contact me within the next couple weeks then I might just text her, “I’ll see you at the start of school” basically saying that I’m tired of her. Is this a good idea?[/quote]

No. It’s not a good idea. If you’re truly tired of her, why expend the energy to tell her so. It’s insulting to her, and it doesn’t make you look like someone who’s generous or kind. It’s always good to make a good impression — even when someone rejects you. You never if and when things will turn around, and she may decide she’s interested in you again. Don’t burn bridges, unnecessarily. 😀

[quote]5. Should I go about trying to make her jealous with another girl that’s shown interest in me?[/quote]

Women love men who are desirable, and it’s always a good idea to pursue women, and have a good time. There’s a saying that living well is the best revenge, but I like to say that living well just makes other people want you. 😎

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[htotheizo]

[quote=”April Masini”]You’re putting all the responsibility on her by asking what she wants from you — when the reality is, you should be asking what it is that YOU want. Getting that answer is going to be a lot easier. 😉

If you want to date a girl, then you have to really do it. No excuses. When you said that you dated her for a couple of months but couldn’t make a move because there were other people on your date….. 😯 that’s not a date. A date is the two of you. You have to ask her out on a real date so she knows that that’s what it is. A movie is a date. Going out on a Saturday night for ice cream or dinner — that’s a real date. Inviting her hiking and on a picnic — that’s a real date. It’s fine to want to study together, but that doesn’t convey to her that you really want to date her. So, although in your head, you were dating her, she may very well have not realized the same thing! When you ask a woman out on a date and she says yes, you’ll know that she wants to date you. It’s that simple — but you have to do the work. You can’t skirt around it, and then wonder if she likes you or not. If she says no, and turns you down, then you’ll know she’s not interested in dating. 😉

[quote]Basically what I want to know other than what she wants is:
1. If I should contact her or just wait and see if she ever contacts me? If so, how much longer should I wait before contacting her?[/quote]

If you want to date her, then you should ask her out on a date. That’s how the typical dynamic goes. 🙂

[quote]2. How should I go about figuring out what she wants?[/quote]

Easy! If you ask her out on a date real date — one where it’s very clear that it’s a date — and she says yes, then you should assume she wants to date you. If she says no, she doesn’t.

[quote]3. If she wants to get together, what should I suggest that we do?[/quote]

If you know what she likes, then obviously, you should try and create a date that’s going to make her happy. The zoo, a sports event that she’s interested in, a museum, a play, a movie, a concert, a meal, coffee, desert — those are all some ideas of typical dates!

[quote]4. If she doesn’t contact me within the next couple weeks then I might just text her, “I’ll see you at the start of school” basically saying that I’m tired of her. Is this a good idea?[/quote]

No. It’s not a good idea. If you’re truly tired of her, why expend the energy to tell her so. It’s insulting to her, and it doesn’t make you look like someone who’s generous or kind. It’s always good to make a good impression — even when someone rejects you. You never if and when things will turn around, and she may decide she’s interested in you again. Don’t burn bridges, unnecessarily. 😀

[quote]5. Should I go about trying to make her jealous with another girl that’s shown interest in me?[/quote]

Women love men who are desirable, and it’s always a good idea to pursue women, and have a good time. There’s a saying that living well is the best revenge, but I like to say that living well just makes other people want you. 😎

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
[url][/url]
And… you can follow my interviews and advice in the press on Twitter [i]@AskAprilcom[/i][/b][/quote]

Right, but she called it a “study date”, and was the one who had the idea originally I’m assuming that that meant it was an actual date and we were gonna be alone until she decided she had had enough of me. And nah we spent time alone at lunch during school but there were people around.

I also asked her in the 1st place on a legit “date” and she said yes to that but then she rescheduled and we ended up going on a double date. We also went to prom together.

She said she would “keep me updated” this summer, so I’m assuming if she doesn’t contact me then she’s not interested. I dunno if this is the right way to think about it though? But if she really wanted to get together she would probably contact me…

I’m cool with hanging out with her as a friend as well and that’s what I was getting at as to what should I suggest we do… as friends?
Cause I’m not tryna ask her on a date over text cause that’s just kinda lame to me at least. And she already said that she doesn’t want a relationship right now, so I don’t know if that could change or not but for it to change I feel like I have to change her perception of me as a “nice guy” that’s not really who I am, I just really wanted to keep her around for summer and had a screwed up perception that being so nice was the right thing to do…

She said yes to me every time I asked her to do something together, but the last time I eventually canceled it myself cause she was acting really shitty around me.

Ha I’m just pissed off that I never got an entirely direct response and she left me with the “I’m not looking for a relationship right now”, like does this mean you’ll be looking later or do you just want me to go away!? Guess I’ll wait another week and then seek out an actual direct response… she doesn’t seem like the type of girl to be doing that though… and I’m done with being led on.

[AskApril Masini]

You’re still not copping to what YOU want. You’re just looking to her to define things. And then you’re angry when she does. 😳 I still don’t know your ages, but I’m going to guess you’re in your late teens since you mentioned prom. 😉

[quote]Right, but she called it a “study date”, and was the one who had the idea originally I’m assuming that that meant it was an actual date and we were gonna be alone until she decided she had had enough of me. And nah we spent time alone at lunch during school but there were people around. [/quote]

If you want to date a woman, you have to ask her out on a date. That’s how she knows you want to date her, and that’s how you know whether she wants to date you or not. When people refer to “study dates” it doesn’t necessarily mean it’s a romantic endeavor. It’s just a time to spend studying together. Lots of same sex buddies have study dates, and it doesn’t mean that they’re interested in each other. It was probably a mistake to assume that that was a real date. It wasn’t. 😉

[quote]I also asked her in the 1st place on a legit “date” and she said yes to that but then she rescheduled and we ended up going on a double date. We also went to prom together.[/quote]

Okay — those sound like real dates! 😀 But the prom would have been the time to make your move and kiss her. 😎 I’m not sure why that didn’t happen, but I’m only guessing that when it didn’t, she didn’t see this as a serious dating situation. When you have an opportunity, it’s a good idea to take it — and that defines the relationship. 😉

[quote]She said she would “keep me updated” this summer, so I’m assuming if she doesn’t contact me then she’s not interested. I dunno if this is the right way to think about it though? But if she really wanted to get together she would probably contact me…[/quote]

You’ve taken yourself out of the equation, again, and let her lead! If you want to date her, then you should ask her out on a date!

[quote]I’m cool with hanging out with her as a friend as well and that’s what I was getting at as to what should I suggest we do… as friends? [/quote]

My advice is NOT to try and be her friend. It won’t work. You like her more than a friend, and you’re not going to be her friend. You’re going to end up being a guy in the friend zone, trying to leverage his position into more. My advice is to date her, or not — and if it’s the latter, then move on.

[quote]Cause I’m not tryna ask her on a date over text cause that’s just kinda lame to me at least.[/quote]

Agreed! 🙂 Asking her out in person is great, and if not in person, on the phone is fine. Asking a woman out by text is tacky. 😕

[quote]And she already said that she doesn’t want a relationship right now, so I don’t know if that could change or not but for it to change I feel like I have to change her perception of me as a “nice guy” that’s not really who I am, I just really wanted to keep her around for summer and had a screwed up perception that being so nice was the right thing to do…[/quote]

You’re absolutely right — nice guys finish last. But in order not to be that nice guy who’s her doormat, you can’t be around. You have to move on, date other women, have a real life, and let her see what she’s missing! 🙂

[quote]She said yes to me every time I asked her to do something together, but the last time I eventually canceled it myself cause she was acting really shitty around me. [/quote]

Sounds like it’s time for you to move on and get your “not Mr. Nice Guy” on. 😉

[quote]Ha I’m just pissed off that I never got an entirely direct response and she left me with the “I’m not looking for a relationship right now”, like does this mean you’ll be looking later or do you just want me to go away!? Guess I’ll wait another week and then seek out an actual direct response… she doesn’t seem like the type of girl to be doing that though… and I’m done with being led on.[/quote]

First of all, you don’t need a direct response. You already know her position, so why engage her? It sounds like the negative engagement is your way of keeping in touch — but it’s not the most effective way to have a great life. If you drop her and move on to have the kind of life that is going to leave her wondering if she shouldn’t have shown you more interest…. that’s a winning position for you! 😀

[b]Everyone likes to be liked! If the advice you found on AskApril.com was helpful “like” us on FB — and tell a friend!
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