[Anonymous]

HI

I met a guy at work last year who is in the same team as me, we both ended relationships to be with each other however he had got his ex pregnant with their 2nd child before they split up, we moved in togther within weeks and lived with each other for 6 months and i was on cloud nine, i totally loved him and we got on great! during this time his 2nd son was born and he deined wanting anything to do with him then i found out he had seen him behind my back which hurt me as i wanted him to know his son.
he left one night and never came back and since we have both moved back to our parents house. It was horrible as we still work together and i wanted him back, anyway in the meantime i met another guy who has no kids and is really nice and we have a lot in common and he seems the type to settle down!
Now my ex wants me back but wants to take things slow and at my age (31) I dont want to take things slow, I want a relationship but I dont know how I cannot go back with him as it is so hard working beside him?
Hope you can help
Thanks
xxx

[Anonymous]

Let me get this straight. You both left left relationships to be with each other? He had a kid with his ex but didnt want anything to do with it. You were ok with being with someone that didnt want to see his kid? Then he’s deceptive and goes behind your back to see him. Im sure he didnt spend any time with the ex during those little meetings with junior either. Then he abandons you and leaves, comes back and wants to pick up but only on his terms. Oh yeah, and you are willing to screw over your current beu who actually treats you with respect. You want my advice? I think you should jump in head first. Sounds like a match made in heaven to me. I dont see any reason why things wont work out wonderfully for you. Throw caution to the wind and go for it.
I could name a 100 things why this guy is bad news and what hes up to but you wont listen. I get the exciting umpredictable guy. There are plenty out there that arent abusive jerks. You have to look in the mirror and quit being a dormat. You “need” a relationship? No you dont, you need counseling. You need to like yourself to the point you dont need someone. Your only 31. Get a grip. You will go back with this guy. Please give us an update in 6 months so we can see how you and Mr Wonderful are doing.

[Ask April Masini]

Forget your ex-boyfriend. He has too much baggage for you, and you’re not compatible. Two children and an ex-girlfriend who is their mother is a lot for anyone, but when the guy is conflicted about being a father, he’s got bigger problems than you need to handle. His decision to leave his ex-girlfriend when she was pregnant, and was the mother to another of his children was immature. The decision to not want to see his newborn son, showed very bad judgment. His decision to lie to you about seeing his baby (and his ex-girlfriend who is his childrens’ mother) behind your back, was bizarre. His decision to leave you one night and just not come back was disgraceful and the final straw (and if you can’t see that, re-read this sentence!).

He’s in over his head, and he needs to focus on raising his two children either with his ex-girlfriend as a couple, or as a separated co-parent with his ex-girlfriend. Someone else may be able to do this with some grace, but from what you’ve described, your ex-boyfriend doesn’t have that grace. He has his hands full. There’s not going to be a lot of room for you.

Even if he thinks things are settled enough for him now to come back to you, he’s deluding himself if he doesn’t think there are going to be big bumps in the road ahead — just as there are when any two parents split up and have children between them.

Hooray for you that you’ve found someone else. Now focus on the good man you have, and don’t get distracted from the life you’ve built after he left you, with what he wants. He had you and blew it. Game over. He showed his true colors and guess what — you deserve better. A lot better 🙂

Value yourself and you will be valued. 😀

I hope that helps. You’ve been through a bad relationship with your ex-boyfriend. Make this new one a great one! 🙂

[optimistvik]

I feel you should completely forget about your ex and start to think of your life more seriously about your current guys. he sounds less trouble. your ex has broken your heart and went away without giving you a thought. so play safe with your current one. say how frankly about your feelings to him and keep everything transparent. all the best

[Ask April Masini]

Happy New Year! Let me know how things are going for you. 😉

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