[sunshine11]

Dear April,

I have a long distance relationship with my husband for 5 months so far. Unfortunately, we are going to have to keep this long distance relationship for another 2 years until my school finishes. Since we live so far from each other ( 23- hour flight distance), we can only see each other twice a year, a month at a time. We are both in our early 30’s and we know what we want in our lives and very excited for it. We share same values and goals in life and I am so grateful everyday that I met someone like him. He is everything I want in a man.

Here is the problem. I am very outgoing, love meeting new people and like going out. When we used to live together for 3 years before long distance relationship, we didn’t go out much. My husband doesn’t like going out/ he doesn’t drink and he is quite person which is all fine by me. Even if we go out, we dont’ have much fun since I know he is only there for me. So I followed his life style and didn’t find anything wrong or missing since I got to focus more on my school and future. Now that he is gone, after couple of months of being at home by myself, I started to go out and I found “old me” again. It was honestly so much fun. I felt alive again. I am a natural flirt and even went on a few dates. I felt very guilty at the begining but i just can’t imagine myself being all alone for the next 2 year and a half. So I let myself live a little(?!?)

If I just have a little fun, I don’t think there is anything seriously wrong with it given the situation but I think I like this life style so much more to the point that I wasn’t very excited to meet him. I am back with my husband for the summer, all I can think is to go back and have more fun. I love my husband, he gives me all the stability and love that I need. I have no intention to stay away from my husband after graduation whatsoever. He is the best thing ever happened to me. Then why do I love the freedom so much? What kind of person am I ? I really want to change the way I am but I can’t help how I feel…. What should I do??

[April Masini, your AskApril]

There are two possible issues here: 1) Marriage isn’t for everybody, and if you made a mistake by getting married too soon or to the wrong person, you always have the option of divorce. 2) Also…. long distance relationships aren’t for everyone, and while you’ve committed to living apart for two years, you may want to change your plans if you decide that your marriage takes precedence.

There isn’t anything wrong with you, but it sounds like you’re not that interested in your marriage and you miss dating. There’s a good chance that your husband will find out that you cheated on him, and while that’s one way to end a marriage, it’s going to be messy and there will be even more hurt feelings than if you “cut to the chase” now.

Lots of people have feelings that are conflicting, but what they don’t act on them. It doesn’t sound like going out and having a good time is the issue here — because you can do that while you’re married without harming the marriage. But it sounds like you’re enjoying dating other men, and that’s not something you should do while you’re married.

Decide to either stay married and stay monogamous or to split up and date other men. After you make that decision, if you do decide to stay married, reconsider the long distance situation. Sometimes marriage has to become a priority over school or even work. 😉

I hope that helps. Let me know how things go!

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Decide to stay married or

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