[Santana386]

Firstly, I wanted to thank anyone for advice. So here goes…

I met this guy online and we soon started talking on the phone and getting to know each other through there. Every conversation we had was hours long, and he would consistently text me throughout the day and call me. He even left me voice messages to say good morning and would always text me to say how great he thought our conversations were. He did tell me that he has been cheated on and hurt in the past and asked if it bothered me. He also said he was very selective with women, wanted to do things right, and is in the search for his future wife.

On our first date, he had 3 backup plans because a couple of things went wrong during the date. But he said he had 3 plans to make sure I enjoyed myself. (I had been to locations #1 and #2, and it was raining for #3) He got me flowers, picked me up, was a complete gentleman, and we spent about 8 hours together. We then skyped and talked for about 5 hours a couple days later, and made plans to see each other again. Soon he began to complement me more on my looks, opened up more about his life, and I did as well. One night I had an issue with my car, and he offered to bring me back home, even though he was an hour away.

We then expressed our feelings to each other and he said that he wanted to meet my parents and for me to meet his. I thought this was much because we had been dating 3 weeks, but I am serious about him so I went for it. He met my mother and father and took me on another amazing date. After this however, he told me that he was going to be busy for the next two weeks because of family things, but that afterwards (the week of August 5th) he wanted to make me dinner and meet my parents. He also said he was buying concert tickets for late August because he was sure we would still be dating. However, for the past two weeks I feel like he has been very distant. He always text me good morning, but does not make the time to actually have a conversation with me. I expressed how much it bothered me to him and he did try to do better for like 4 days…but because of different situations we never had time to actually have a conversation longer than 30 minutes. Then one night he “lost his phone”…I was worried as to where he was so I called him many times. He then called back and left me a voice message apologizing, but the conversation was awkward after. That night I told him to please make time for me, and that if he doesn’t that our dating would be over. He got quiet and then said, “But what about all the moments we shared?” “I’m sorry for making you feel this way, and I don’t want this do fade away”. He said he was making plans for me to meet his parents still. The very next day, he barely texted me because he was busy with work, and then did not call me even though he said he would. I tried calling him at night, but he did not respond. This was the first time he didn’t pick up for me, and I let my emotions get the best of me. I sent him a text message saying that I think we shouldn’t talk anymore because he wasn’t making the time for me like he used to. I told him it hurts me because I genuinely care about him, and I thought he did too,…but I think I was wrong. I also told him that actions speak louder than words and that if he does want to talk about the situation that he knows where to reach me.

I havent heard from him since, and its been 3 days. I want to call him, but I know it would not be best for me. I sincerely think he does care but I am very confused as to how someone could put so much effort for 3 weeks and then completely drop the ball. He was receptive for a week when I expressed how upset I was…but I am very dissapointed in how things are. I sincerely think he is a good man from what I had gotten to know of him…I don’t know what to do. I greatly appreciate any help

[April Masini, your AskApril]

How old are you both?

[Santana386]

We are both 23. After 6 days of waiting for him to respond, I tried calling him & left him a voice message apologizing about how I handled things & hoping to hear back from him. It was short & simple, but he has not responded & probably won’t. I am highly upset, but I guess he wasn’t who I thought he was

[April Masini, your AskApril]

You chased him away. 😳

You were needy, and instead of doing a better job of giving him something to chase and being more enticing so he’d want to be with you, you told him it bothered you that you didn’t have more conversations, you called him a lot when you couldn’t reach him for just one night, etc. He probably felt criticized and not good enough for you. Being needy isn’t attractive. Being didactic isn’t, either. Men want women they can chase after and win over. They want women who think they’re amazing. If you start turning into someone who’s writing the rule book on how he should behave (because he’s not), instead of coaxing him into what you want with your behavior, he’s going to want to be elsewhere….. which is what happened. 🙁 When you told him to “please make time for you or your dating relationship would be over” you gave him an ultimatum — never a good idea. He chose the relationship being over, not you. Now you’re calling him even after having given him that ultimatum, trying to do damage control, but it’s too late…….

…. for this relationship. But it’s not to late for you to learn from your mistakes for future relationships! I know you think it’s confusing for someone to put so much effort into a three week relationship and then disappear, but that’s exactly how long it took him to realize you weren’t his Ms. Right. 🙁

My advice is to work on not being needy or demanding in a relationship and instead being enticing, flirtatious, and the kind of woman a man wants to chase after, not run from. 😉

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