[Sue]

This is more complicated than it sounds, although I told you about half of it before the latest developments (and thanks for your advice, btw). I’ll recap and boldface the new part at the end.

Out of town guy with whom I e-mailed and called drove several hours to my city for Friday and Saturday dates. Then no contact from him for two days when he e-mailed me about plans for a future visit within about 30 days. After e-mailing me for a couple of weeks about our future plans, he cancelled/postponed our plans, saying we could schedule another visit over the next couple of months. Now he takes 3-6 days (usually somewhere in between) to respond to my responsive e-mails, but he took 0-3 days to respond before we met. No calls since we met whereas there were calls before.

Eventually I figured I had devolved into some sort of out of town girl and decided to stop responding to his e-mails. After a few e-mails from him over about 9 days with no response from me, he closed our match on the dating site where we met. I couldn’t decide whether he thought I had lost interest (I hadn’t lost interest in him, just in his ways) or whether he lost interest in me period.

I sent him an e-mail and we resumed e-mail communication. My e-mail was light and breezy and made no mention of my having seen him close out our match. We resumed e-mailing.

His most recent e-mail is flirty, mentions making plans for another date, and asks whether I have any suggestions for plans. Before (when he was leaving my city after our two dates), he mentioned meeting in a third town which is close to mine and no closer to his than mine (and hence no more convenient for him), but is just a change of environment which offers new things to do. I had been receptive to meeting in a third town when we had the momentum of our two dates. Now that our momentum has wained and time has passed, I’d be more comfortable with him visiting my own town again, especially since it seems to me like he’s pulled back a little after we met.

What is the best way to respond to the last lines of his e-mail from day before yesterday which state: “I’ve been trying to think of our next plan. What do you suggest?” Thanks

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Can you please re-post this on the the same thread as the last time you wrote me? Just go to the last time you wrote and hit the “reply” button and then add this new question. That way I can see all of your information in one place and give you the best advice. 😀

[Sue]

I think I just did it – hope it worked 😕 This is the guy who shut down our match after not hearing from me. The thing is that before when we had made plans to meet somewhere in a third city (much closer to mine – just new stuff to do) we had the momentum from having just dated in person. Now, after a couple of months have passed, with the obvious present exception of trying to set up a new date, in between he has seemed to slow things down by communicating less often and only by e-mail. I like him a lot, but I’m not comfortable jumping from periodic (once or twice a week) pen pal to weekend vacation. Does that make sense? How can I tell him that without running him off? Thanks so much! I can’t tell you how hard it is to re-enter the dating world after 22 years (20 of which were married)! Thanks again!

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Didn’t work — try again.

Go to your old post where you first told me about this guy. At the end of that thread click on the “reply” button. Then post this new thread by cutting and pasting it.

[Member]

Posts