[max1673]

my wife died in September last year, my 20 year old daughter already met my girlfriend when do i tell daughter that my girlfriend will be spending some times with me, even stay over night?
my daughter already told me a couple months ago that she thinks that I have a girlfriend too fast.I knew my girlfriend before my wife died, our relationship was rocky.
My girlfriend and I, we are working on making a baby and also we’re talking about marriage.
Can you give me some advice please?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

First of all, I assume your 20 year old daughter does not live at home with you, and if she does, it’s time for her to move on with her own life either as a college student or get a job and an apartment. She’s no longer a minor, and you’ve raised her. It’s time for you to be able to move on with your own life with a modicum of privacy.

Since your daughter already knows you have a girlfriend, you should feel free to date as you like. It shouldn’t really affect your adult daughter. You’re an adult. She’s an adult. You’ll make your own decisions in your own lives. You won’t always agree with each other, but neither one of you is a child. Whether or not she likes your girlfriend doesn’t mean you should stop dating her. You can take her advice and thoughts into account and then make your own decisions.

As for the order of things with your girlfriend, you’re asking for trouble if you’re trying to get her pregnant while “talking about” getting married. Stop with the pregnancy project and focus on your relationship with her. If you do decide to get married, then have the wedding and afterwards, focus on getting pregnant, but not before.

I hope that helps.

[max1673]

Why is it bad to have kids before mariage?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

In [i]your specific case[/i], the reason not to get your girlfriend pregnant before you marry her is that you don’t know your girlfriend that well and you’re jumping the gun with something that is very serious. Making a baby is a big responsibility. That future child deserves to have a solid family, and it doesn’t sound like you have that stability just yet.

You’ve been widowed a little over a year and a half, and you admit that the relationship you have with your girlfriend is rocky. This is not an ideal situation for getting pregnant or getting married. That you’re only “talking about” getting married, rather than feeling sure that this is Ms. Right, is a flashing red light. 🙁 Getting pregnant when you’re not even sure you want to marry the potential mother of your future child is setting up a very shaky foundation for that child, your girlfriend and yourself.

Slow down. What’s the rush? Decide if you want to marry your girlfriend first. If the answer is yes, then do that. If the answer is no, then don’t, and forget the pregnancy project. It’s understandable that having lost your wife may make you feel that you want to replace that part of your life that is no longer there, and that’s normal. But acting hastily and leaving yourself and others vulnerable to big mistakes, isn’t smart.

[max1673]

It is true that I’ve been widowed a little over a year. You’ve misunderstood what I’ve said.the relationship I have with with my girlfriend is not rocky. The relationship with my late wife was rocky for at least 12years. I stayed because of my daughter.
Yes I want to marry my girlfriend and I want to have a family with her 😀 She is 38 years old and I’m 44years old.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Your rocky relationship with your late wife doesn’t really enter into this, as far as I can tell. It sounds like you didn’t start dating your current girlfriend until after your wife passed away.

Because having a baby is such a big undertaking and responsibility, and you’ve just undergone a big transition in the loss of your late wife, I stick by my advice that it’s better to slow down, marry first and then decide that the timing is right for a baby. 🙂

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