[dawgapella]

i met a guy three weeks ago at a club and went home with him. although this is not something i normally do, it seemed right at the moment.

we slept together and what i thought was just a fling has become something that i’m not sure what to call.

since that night, we have been in contact constantly. we text each other daily. we’ve hung out, had dinners and lunches together, we’ve talked a lot and of course, still have sex.

whenever he’s away (he travels for work), he’s constantly saying he misses me, that he’d like me there with him, etc. and then there are times that he seems a little elusive…he’ll say things like “anyone in their right mind would do it” or “i’m just being humane”.

he’s really sweet and we’ve spent a lot of time together, it almost feels like we’re dating. but yet, it feels like we aren’t. i’m not sure how to explain it. i’ve met with his friends and some of his family (he took me to a party) and it seems like i could be more than just a fling or friend but i wonder if it’s just convenient of him or he’s just being nice.

i guess what i’m trying to get at is that i really like him and i’d like for us to be dating properly or exclusively. but i’m not sure how to go about it. it seems that he might want the same thing too but i just can’t tell or maybe he’s playing it slow and i just can’t wait. either way, i don’t want to be seeing other people and don’t want him to be either.

what do i do to get us to move to the next stage, do date exclusively? without freaking him out into some kind of commitment. i’d just like to see where this leads and if there is some kind of future in this thing.

please advice.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

Three weeks of dating is too soon to decide if this is a monogamous relationship or not. That’s why I advise not to have sex too soon — and certainly not on the first date. 😕 But you’re not the first person to make this mistake. The problem is that it advances the relationship for the woman, but not for the man, and she (you) usually looks to leverage the sex into deeper feelings. For men, the sex is physical and emotional, but mostly physical. Men have sex because they can, and if you’re willing, he’s ready.

It’s usually around three months of dating that people decide if they want to continue seeing this person, and around six months that they decide whether or not to be monogamous and take it to the next level. When you slow things down, you’re not as invested, and you can make clearer decisions about who you think he is, if he’s good for you, who you are with him, etc.

Don’t pressure him. Instead, try and learn who he is, and if he is someone who you want to continue dating. It sounds like you still have some questions. If he is someone you want to continue with, then you have to understand that there’s competition in dating, and you’re going to have to give him something to win over — because that’s what makes men feel good about the woman they’re with. 😉

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