Hi April,
I am in my mid 20s and my guy is in his 30s. I have been seeing this man for 11 months. At first things were going in a relationship direction, but then after a month he told me that he has realized that he has some issues from his childhood that he needs to work on. There are some abandonment issues on his mother’s part and alcoholism on his Father’s. He had some anger issues (which I never saw) and some emotional issues as well that were never dealt with in his life. He said that because of this, he would not be able to be in a relationship right now. He sought help from a therapist who told him that he is not to get into any relationships with anyone until he has gone through therapy. I told him that I completely understand. He said it is not because of me and that he would still like to see me and hang out with me, and then maybe we can pick up where we left off. He said that in the meantime, if I do find someone else that he would not be upset with me for not wanting to wait for who knows how long until he figures himself out.
I really liked him a lot. After this happened, I initially thought that hanging out would mean no sex. We kept hanging out and kept having sex. I didn’t mind because I thought that he still wanted to be with me, he just was not able to make it official or commit right away. I kept waiting and waiting for him to finish therapy so we could be together, but who knows how long that would be. I noticed his interest in me slowly started to fade away. He stopped staying over to my place. He stopped calling me (would only text me, usually only in response to me texting him). He never asked me to meet his friends or to do anything with him outside of my apartment. Our interactions became limited to once every 1-2 weeks and it would only be for an hour or two with sex. He would then immediately leave and not text me until I texted him first. He always blamed it on work, being busy with things, etc. I know he does have a very busy job… he is married to his job in fact. He works more than anyone I have ever seen. But I also believe that you will always make time for the things and people that are important to you. He makes time for the gym, training, his friends, cleaning, reading, etc. Am I right?
Do you think he just doesn’t care about me at all anymore? Has he simply lost interest? Or is he just working on himself and keeping his distance for fear of getting too close to me? I talked to him the other day about it and I said that this setup is not working for me anymore. He said he totally appreciates that I feel that way and he hopes that we can still talk and see each other sometimes. He said that things right now are not stable enough for a relationship with his job and personal issues. He said that maybe in the future when things settle down and if I am not tied up with anyone that we can be together again. Is this a legitimate reason? I have always been told that when a man truly wants to be with a woman, there is NOTHING that will stop him from pursuing her. What do you thing the extent of my involvement with him should be at this point? Should I stand back and not text/call him at all and wait for him to contact me if he wants to see me? Or should I take a “remain friends” stance and text him in a friendly way and have him over for dinner, etc? I want him to know that I still care about him and I want to remain in his life for when he is ready. But I don’t know if that is what he wants… Any suggestions?
Thanks!
