[Anonymous]

Long story short…

In the summer of 2008. My bestfriend had told me about a guy and his family who had moved into her neighborhood, and he was a cool guy, someone I could possibly talk to. I left my boyfriend of 16 months, any guy was better than him. He was immediatly interested, and I was very much caught up in physical attraction. So basicly we made it offical after a days or so. We were crazy for eachother. My parents did not approve, he really didnt have anything going for him, but I didnt care, we loved eachother. After being together for a year I got to see how it was after a while, him and his family moved about an hour drive from me. His phone got shut off, we barely spoke, he didnt have a car anymore so even living only an hour away we hardly ever saw eachother. His love started to turn into an obbession. He didnt want me hanging out with friends or going anywhere but school then home. Even then he started to question me about everyone I hung out with in school and asumed I was cheating. He had no money, no car, no phone. I wouldnt hear from him for days, then weeks. I never cheated on him, but I always had this one guy friend, even from the time of my ex of 16 months. We met online. He was the most funniest person Ive ever spoken to. He always made me smile, but even so, I would tell him about my boyfriend not being around. He was always there for me. Being online friends for about 2 years, the conversations become alot more intense. We spoke about our feelings toward eachother, and we both knew that i didnt need to be with a man who didnt even care to call me. The guy who I was talking to lived out in New York City. My friend and I took the trip to go out there and see him. It was akward of corse, but we hit it off pretty good. I had’nt heard from my boyfriend for almost 2 weeks. I made the choice to go on and leave him. The day i made the choice, he called me. He said that he has a phone now to call me from and that we can talk more and hes saving money to buy a car, that he has a job. I felt bad that he did all that for me and here i was planning to break up with him for another guy. I dont know how i managed to do so, but I did. He was histerical. He was begging for me back saying things will change. So basicly the past 3 months i have been seeing this online guy, every single weekend he comes over and we made things offical. But i have that other guy beliving that we are working things out. He went online and found out about the online guy and i told him the truth. Once again he was histerical but i found my self begging for him and his forgiveness. He said we can still be together if i leave him, i told him i did but i really didnt. And im not exactly sure who i should pick. The long distance relationship I have with the online guy is actually pretty good, he never made me feel any way upset, but the reson I feel im not completly happy is because Im still in love with the other guy….

[Ask April Masini]

The problem is that you’re afraid to be without a boyfriend and you seem to jump from one boyfriend to the next, keeping your bases covered with back up boyfriends waiting in the wings even though none of these guys sound like they’re Mr. Right. They’re all just “okay” but not really great.

My advice to you is not to get into anything exclusive right now, and learn how to date the field, have time alone, and figure out what it is you really want in a relationship before you commit to someone. If you don’t do that homework, you’ll end up continuing to bounce from one boyfriend to the next and living a life of high drama.

I’m not sure how old you are, so if you’re in your teens, it might be a better idea to date more “lightly” and in groups. If you’re old enough to have marriage or a monogamous long term relationship on your horizon, then quit dating guys who aren’t Mr. Right. It’s a waste of your time — not just spending the time with the guys, but spending so much time thinking about who you should be with and who’s available, etc.

Focus on what you want from life, and then pursue that in a guy — but don’t settle and then commit just because Mr. Right Now happens to be texting you.

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