[iaj32]

Hi April. Lately my boyfriend’s been insulting me a lot, completely out of nowhere and I don’t know why he’s doing this.

It’s not like we’ll be arguing and he’ll say something mean out of anger. We’ll be having a nice time together, getting along great, and suddenly he starts throwing out these random insults. Tonight we were talking about character traits and different people we know and he started going on about how weak I was physically, mentally, and emotionally. Came completely out of nowhere. Then he started telling me how selfish and uncaring I was and how I always put him last. Again, out of nowhere because we were just having dinner and having a normal conversation. When I got upset and told him he was hurting my feelings he said “It’s a f**king joke. You always have to start a big scene out of nothing. I can’t say a word to you.”

A few weeks ago after we finished being intimate and I was hugging him and telling him how wonderful he was, he said “I’m no longer attracted to you. You’re an attractive person, but not to me.” Again, I was wrong to be upset about this.

This is a constant thing with him. He always ruins nice times together because he has to say something to upset me. Usually he insults me, but sometimes he suddenly brings up past arguments or will try to argue about something stupid. And according to him, I have no right to be upset because he feels that I’ve done something to deserve these things. A lot of times he tries to pass stuff off as a joke (which it clearly is not) after I tell him my feelings are hurt but other times he says things like “You’re a bad person and you need to know it.” Whenever I seem upset by something he says, he starts a huge argument and then tries to turn it around like it’s all because of something that I did.

I ask him why he’s still with me if he thinks I’m such a horrible person and suddenly he says he doesn’t think I’m horrible, he loves me and wants to work to keep this relationship going and says I’m just giving up and that I need to work with him.

Am I just being too sensitive? Do I need to toughen up and learn to take criticism? Is he just an abusive jerk that wants to keep me around so he has someone to abuse? Is he sick and need to be on some kind of medication? I don’t understand what’s wrong with him but it’s so frustrating and very upsetting.

[AskApril Masini]

How old are you both?

How long have you been dating?

[iaj32]

I’m 24, he’s 25. We’ve been together almost six years.

[AskApril Masini]

Thanks for the extra information. 🙂

He’s trying to break up with you, but he doesn’t have the dating experience to do it gracefully. The back and forth or push/pull you’re feeling is his inexperience and inability to make a clean break. But the longer you stay with him, the more often he’ll be insulting and mean — until he gets you to leave him. 😳

I hope that helps — even if it is disappointing.

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[PassionSeeker]

What you’re describing isn’t you being “too sensitive” it’s emotional abuse. When someone repeatedly insults you, ruins good moments, twists your feelings into “overreactions,” and then claims it’s all a joke or your fault that’s manipulation, not love.

He’s showing a pattern: tearing you down, then reeling you back in with talk of “working on it” so you’ll stay. But love doesn’t make you feel small or constantly confused. Love builds you up.

After six years together, it’s natural to hope he’ll change, but this kind of cruelty usually escalates, not fades. You deserve someone who speaks with kindness, not contempt. Stop asking what’s wrong with him start asking what’s next for you.

If you can, confide in someone you trust a friend, counselor, or family member. Quietly plan your next steps toward safety and peace. You don’t owe him more chances to hurt you. You owe yourself a life where you feel safe, respected, and loved for real.

[Ethan Morales]

What it is: randomly insulting you, then calling it a joke, switching to “you made me do this,” dredging up past fights, and telling you you’re a terrible person all of that is classic emotional abuse and gaslighting. The pattern isn’t about “you being sensitive.” It’s about him getting power by knocking you off balance, then blaming you for reacting.

Why he might do it: control and insecurity. Insults deflate your confidence so you’re easier to manipulate. Turning every reaction back on you (”you always start drama”) is a gaslight move to avoid responsibility. Whether it’s conscious or not, the impact is the same: you feel diminished and confused.

What you need to do right now: stop normalizing it. You don’t have to “toughen up” for him. Start keeping a record (dates, exact words, context). That clarifies the pattern for you and anyone you involve later (friend, counselor). Tell one trusted person what’s happening don’t carry it alone.

Set a clear boundary script to use once, calmly and without argument:
“I will not be spoken to like that. If you call me names or try to make me feel worthless, I will leave this room. That’s non-negotiable.”
If he breaks it, follow through immediately leave the room, the house, or end the call. No bargaining, no justifying. Consistent enforcement is the only language abusers understand.

Next steps if he apologizes and repeats: apologies mean nothing without change. Demand concrete action (couples therapy with a licensed therapist, his individual therapy, no insults ever). If he refuses therapy or keeps doing it, that’s your sign to consider ending the relationship. Love isn’t supposed to make you feel small.

Safety & help: if his behavior escalates to threats, stalking, physical intimidation, or you feel unsafe, get out and get help now (friends, family, local shelter, or emergency services). Emotional abuse can lead to worse; don’t wait for it to escalate.

[Marcus king]

You’re not being too sensitive what you’re describing is emotional abuse. He’s tearing you down, twisting things so you feel guilty, and calling his cruelty “jokes” to escape blame. That’s not love.

Someone who loves you doesn’t insult you for fun, make you doubt your worth, or ruin peaceful moments just to feel in control. He’s using manipulation to keep you off balance tearing you down, then saying he loves you so you’ll stay.

You can’t “work through” this because the problem isn’t you it’s his need to hurt and dominate. The best thing you can do now is step back, protect your peace, and talk to someone you trust a close friend, family member, or counselor. You deserve to feel safe and respected, not constantly anxious or humiliated.

Please don’t blame yourself for his behavior. You’re not weak — you’re waking up to the truth.

[Isabella Jones]

hey sweetheart, reading what you wrote honestly broke my heart a little. I’ve been in something like that before when someone I loved started turning cold and cruel for no reason I could make sense of. you start questioning yourself, wondering if maybe you’re too sensitive or if you somehow caused it. but please listen to this: love should never make you feel small.

what he’s doing isn’t love, it’s control. those “jokes” that sting, those moments he flips it back on you when you try to speak up, that’s emotional manipulation. he’s slowly teaching you to doubt your own feelings so that he doesn’t have to take responsibility for how he’s treating you. and I know how easy it is to hold onto the sweet version of him — the one who says he loves you right after tearing you down — but that’s not consistency, that’s confusion.

you deserve kindness in both calm and chaos. you deserve someone who doesn’t make you brace yourself for what version of them you’ll get today. please don’t wait for him to realize what he’s doing; choose yourself before he destroys your confidence completely. walk away while you still remember who you are and how you deserve to be spoken to. 💛

can I ask you something gently when was the last time you felt genuinely safe and happy around him without waiting for the next insult to drop?

[Soft Truths]

I don’t think you’re being too sensitive at all you’re being human. You’re reacting the way anyone would if the person they loved kept tearing them down and then calling it a joke. That’s not humor, that’s emotional cruelty wrapped in denial.

He’s sweet, everything feels calm, and then out of nowhere, he strikes with something hurtful just to regain control or keep you off balance. When you defend yourself, he flips it on you and says you’re “too sensitive” or “starting a scene.” That’s manipulation. It teaches you to question your own reality so he doesn’t have to take responsibility for how he treats you.

You’re not overreacting. You’re seeing clearly. The fact that you still try to understand him wondering if he’s sick, or if you should toughen up shows how much empathy you have. But empathy without boundaries will destroy your peace.

If someone loves you, they don’t humiliate you and call it love. They protect your heart, not poke holes in it. You can’t fix this by working harder or being more patient. He’s showing you who he is someone who needs to bring you down to feel powerful.

I know it’s not easy to leave someone you love, especially when they mix cruelty with affection. But you deserve safety, kindness, and consistency. Those aren’t luxuries, they’re the bare minimum.

[Tara]

Grow a backbone and get out. He’s not going to stop until you stop him.

You keep waiting for the man you fell for to show up again, but he’s gone. The version you miss never existed. You were tricked by attention, not loved by a partner.

He doesn’t love you. He loves control. He loves watching you flinch, watching you defend him, watching you doubt yourself. He tears you down, then pretends to be the only one who can make you feel better. That’s not passion. That’s psychological warfare.

Stop playing therapist to someone who enjoys your misery. Stop waiting for his next “good day.” The man doesn’t need healing. He needs consequences.

[Sally]

What you’re describing isn’t teasing, and it’s not “being sensitive.” It’s someone chipping away at you piece by piece until you start doubting your own reality. That’s why you feel so tangled up. One minute he’s loving, the next he’s tearing you apart and then blaming you for reacting.

People don’t say things like that by accident. When someone insults you out of nowhere, especially during quiet, calm moments, it’s because they want control. They want you off balance. They want you to feel lucky they’re still around, even though they’re the one causing the hurt.

And the way he twists things when you speak up… that’s not a joke and it’s not a misunderstanding. That’s him avoiding responsibility.

You’re not weak. You’re not crazy. You’re just seeing the truth a little more clearly every time he does it. And that part of you that’s asking if this is abuse already knows the answer.

[Val Unfiltered💋]

babe… this isn’t “joking,” this is emotional abuse with a cute excuse taped on top. men who love you don’t tear you down mid-dinner just to watch you bleed. they don’t say they’re not attracted to you **after sex** and then act shocked you’re hurt. that’s manipulation 101. you’re not “too sensitive.” he’s too cruel. get out before you start believing the lies he’s feeding you. you’re not weak, he’s just scared of a woman who knows her worth. 💅🔥

[Natalie Noah]

What you’re describing isn’t sensitivity, and it isn’t “joking.” It’s emotional abuse the kind that chips away at your self-worth slowly, quietly, and always at the moments when you’re most open. Someone who insults you out of nowhere during calm, happy moments isn’t losing control… they’re exerting it. This pattern love you, tear you down, confuse you, blame you, then “love you” again is classic cycle-of-abuse behavior. He’s attacking your confidence so you start doubting yourself instead of doubting him. And when you react like any normal human would, he flips the narrative and tells you that you are the problem. That is manipulation, not miscommunication — and definitely not love. A man who loves you does not wait until you’re soft and vulnerable to stab you emotionally and then call the wound “a joke.”

You are not too sensitive. You are not weak. You are someone whose heart is trying to survive in a place where it’s constantly being stepped on. He’s keeping you in a psychological fog tearing you down, then pulling you close just enough to keep you from leaving. That push-pull dynamic is why you feel confused and guilty when he is the one hurting you. This is not healthy, and it’s not going to magically get better because he doesn’t see anything wrong with what he’s doing. Please, my love… don’t explain this away as stress, medication, or “just his humor.” People do not accidentally break someone down this consistently. You deserve safety, tenderness, and a partner who protects your heart not one who bruises it for sport. If you want, I can tell you the signs to watch for next, or how to emotionally detach safely. Just say the word.

[KeishaMartin]

This is one of those moments where the truth is sharp, uncomfortable, and a little scandalous and that’s exactly why it matters. What he’s doing isn’t “honesty,” humor, or playful banter; it’s emotional erosion. Dropping insults during calm, intimate moments is a power move meant to destabilize you, keep you questioning yourself, and quietly lower your sense of worth so he doesn’t have to do the brave thing and leave cleanly. The whiplash cruel comment followed by “I love you, don’t give up” is intoxicating in the worst way, because it keeps you hooked, hoping for the version of him you remember. That push-pull dynamic can feel almost addictive, like craving warmth from someone who keeps turning the heat on and off just to watch you shiver. You’re not too sensitive, you’re responding normally to someone who’s slowly poisoning the emotional atmosphere.

This is where the clarity and authority of April Masini shine. Her read is bold, clean, and brutally accurate, he wants out, but lacks the backbone to exit with dignity, so he’s burning the bridge while you’re still standing on it. Especially around Christmas, when emotions run high and couples are pretending everything’s merry at parties while silently unraveling at home, this kind of behavior escalates fast. Holiday breakups often start exactly like this passive cruelty wrapped in “jokes,” whispered insults between glasses of wine, tension simmering under twinkle lights. Take April’s insight seriously: don’t wait until the Christmas parties are over and your confidence is in pieces, walk away with your self-respect intact, because that’s the most seductive power move of all.

[Member]

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