[Anonymous]

My bf of 3 years, and my first love (right out of high school – I’m now in Uni, and he doesn’t go to school) is now my ex because I broke up with him. We were fighting ALL the time, and I wanted to go on a break to sort things out, but he didn’t want to go on a break, he made me feel really bitchy about it, we got back together for four days, he called me and started bitching at me, told me that I either give him a 100% or break up with him and then went on to tell me all the things that are wrong with me and all that he has to put up with… so I broke up with him because I just couldn’t take the fighting anymore (he made me near suicidal).

So, after all that, I just didn’t want to be friends anymore, but he insisted, so we still keep in contact. However, I’m obviously still not over it – we were dating for more than 3 years, so it hurts a LOT. Ever since then, every time I’ve seen him (like twice or 3 times), he’s been texting other people constantly while he’s with me, barely even paying attention to what I’m saying. I was kind of stand-off-ish to him the other day because I was annoyed that he was yet again texting someone else when I asked him to do something for me. Then the next day, he called me and asked me to hang out – and surprise, surprise – from the moment he got there, he was texting someone else. I had asked him to bring something of mine back to me, and he just walked in, threw the bag at me, and started texting. I asked him some normal, small-talk questions, and he basically gave me short answers, like he didn’t want to talk to me. Then, when I asked him why he was with the police the day before, he told me it was none of my business, so stop asking me questions (even though he’d just finished asking me exactly what I had done today). Then, we had a big fight, and again, he kept yelling at me, and telling me how much of a bitch I am, and how I do bad and rude things to him – that I should apologize or he has no interest talking to me – I was bawling my eyes on the bus as he kept yelling at me over the phone. The conversation ended with him saying that he wanted to be friends and give it his all, so I said yes.

Then yesterday, being a “friend” I saw that he was online, so I just msged him and asked him “busy?” because I didn’t want to interrupt him, but he like snapped at me at that, saying stuff like, “wtf, hello to you too. You know, why dont u say hello instead of being a bitch and saying “busy” – wtf is that? blah blah blah” and I started crying and began to leave the convo, but then he’s like “im sorry, i miss u, blah blah blah” and when I didn’t respond for his messages for a while cuz I was crying, he got mad again and started yelling at me, saying how he’s doing this because I’ve done it to him in the past, so I shouldn’t expect any better from him, how it was all my fault, blah blah blah, that convo ending too with how he needs to get away from me but still wants to be “friends” – at this point, I don’t believe him. And then, today, I asked him to return my stuff and we were setting up a time to do it, and then I noticed that I needed something colour printed and since I dont have a colour printer, but he does, I asked him if he could do it for me, and he’s like “no, sorry, do it somewhere else. bye”.

It’s like… wtf? If he ever needed my help I would give it to him in a minute because of the history we’ve shared, but he can’t even do this for me. I just… I don’t understand. WTF is the point of keeping me as “friends” when he clearly doesn’t want to talk to me or be nice to me… I just feel so broken and I have no one else to talk to about this… please help .

[April Masini, your AskApril]

What you’re not comprehending is that he’s angry about the break up. I know you think that just because [b]you [/b]can be kind to him means that [b]he[/b] can be kind to you, too. Wrong! 😳 He’s showing you his true colors. They’re ugly and yet, you keep wondering why he can’t behave or be someone he’s not. It’s time for you to see him as the angry guy he is, and more importantly, to learn how to respect yourself and stay away from people who are abusive to you. There is no reason for you to keep going back to him when he’s clearly shown you he’s not going to treat you like a friend. He’s going to lash out at you over and over again. Wake up and smell the coffee — it’s time to REALLY break up with this guy and not be his friend. It’s over. For good. Forever.

I know you have some nice memories of the three years you dated, but if you don’t get out of this relationship altogether, those memories are going to be dwarfed by these nasty behaviors of his.

Put on your big girl clothes and man up. You need to break up with him, not see him, not take his calls, e-mails, and stop instant messaging him or agreeing to meet up with him. You’ll feel badly; you’ll feel sad; and you’ll feel lonely, but just because you dated for three years does not mean you should stay in touch. In fact, my advice is that you don’t.

Time to move on and heal your heart, then start looking for [i]the real[/i] Mr. Right in your life. 😀

[Member]

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