[Anonymous]

Jaga,

I agree with Answer – you got into this relationship knowing you weren’t 100% happy. I think you got into this relationship just to be in one. The moment he started changing and you were feeling miserable should have been a clear sign to get out. Don’t ever settle for someone just because. You have to learn to love yourself and respect yourself before letting someone walk over you. Not calling you back and coming up with 10 million excuses as to why he didn’t was unacceptable. In the beginning you stated he sort of pushed you into the relationship, but no one can truly do that, someone can be persuasive yes but they can’t force you to date them, you just more than likely fell for his kindness, as soon as all that changed it was a sign that he was “just not that into you” anymore. It’s hard when we fall and we try to fix a relationship that just isn’t there emotionally anymore, but we have to get up, and start over. You have to know that there is better out there, and don’t ever settle or sacrifice your happiness for anyone. A relationship is about working together to make each other happy, and if you aren’t getting that in return then you need to say BYE and find someone new. Don’t stress on why he did what he did, he obviously is unstable and not ready to commit into a relationship. Find someone that will and someone who will respect you and be there for you as you are for them.

Good luck

xo,
kristin nicole

[Anonymous]

Thanks so much for the reply kristin nicole, i feel like a fool, i definitely learned my lesson.

[AskApril Masini]

[b]Jaga[/b], you’re not a fool. You’re just like everyone else here — wanting to be in healthy relationship, and realizing it’s actually hard work to do so — and trying to figure out how to do it! 😉

I’m glad to hear from you! 😀

Hope to see you @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[Anonymous]

April, do not smile in my face and go “no you aren’t! I’m glad to hear from you! teehee!” You are fake. At first I was going to just ignore your posts from here on out, but then I saw what you wrote on your twitter, which was a lie. You do not know what the hell you’re talking about. To say that I “lashed out at posters and got angry” because i was “dumped” proves that you aren’t professional, you are not here to help anyone and you are as cruel and pathetic as the angry posters in here who started shit with me for no reason. What you said on your twitter is NOT what happened. You don’t know shit about what happened to me, you didn’t even read it properly or understand it, and then you have the nerve to use what I came to you with (with trust) against me. Don’t you dare laugh about it, ridicule it and post it on your poor excuse for a twitter afterward in hopes that everyone will laugh at me and kiss your ass more than they already have in here.

You made my posts into something you knew it wasn’t. You only insulted me and lied on twitter to make yourself feel better about being called out on your horrible “advice” by me. The posters in here who actually helped me gave me real advice and you, along with your pathetic friends in here, are the angry ones, not me. You are supposed to be a professional who gives advice, supposed to care about your posters, take them seriously and act like a human being. Posters who come to you with advice trust you, and yet you are NOTHING like that. You take what I write when I trusted you since you were the primary advice giver, you manipulate it to match your messed up lies, and you broadcast it in such a childish, untruthful manner. You have been RUDE, you lied, you pioneered the fights in here, and you attempted to keep them going with that ridiculous post on twitter. You should be ashamed of yourself. I will complain about this forum. I appreciate the two other posters in here who were mature, read my posts and understood what was really going on; actually gave me advice.

April, you are cruel and a disrespectful fake; I do not want you replying to me anymore.

[jonathan]

Whoa! this is wild. jaga, why on earth are you attacking April like that? I read the entire thread and do not see anywhere she has been rude or cruel to you. i really dont. I do see the hurt you are feeling and I feel terribly for anyone who has gone through what you have. it’s awful. im sorry that idiot you were dating hurt you so badly and i am sure youve learned your lesson and hopefully wont let it happen again. i went out with a piece of garage myself and it took me months to get over, so i feel your pain. but ive got to tell you, i really think your getting angry and lashing out at april is misplaced.

april has helped me a ton and a lot of other people. and she donates all of her time on here helping people for free. i do not know of anyone else who does everything she does and doesnt ask for any money. i think even if you don’t like her advice you might appreciate that she gave you a place to find advice that you did like from the other posters.

the first time i posted here i didn’t like what she told me either and i was mad too and i quit the site. then about a month later i realized what she had said was right and i rejoined. i think you might look back at your posts and her responses and see that too.

this is a great community. yes some posters are immature but for the most part we are all here trying to get help and have better relationships.

i wish you good luck and happiness jaga

[AskApril Masini]

A lot of times when people are hurt and angry, they transfer that anger onto someone else because it feels safer for them to lash out at a neutral party who they know won’t hurt them — but the person they’re lashing out at is never the real reason that they’re upset. 😳

An example of this is children who get angry at their parents because they can’t have what they want in the time that they want it and they’re hurt, but they know deep down that the love a parent has for a child is unconditional, and no matter how much a child lashes out, a parent will still be there for them. Sometimes people who are not children, but who are very upset and hurt that relationships don’t go the way they’d hoped, lash out at the ex-boyfriend or girlfriend — or even me! In fact, often on this forum, it’s common to see a man or woman lash out at a third party who has “stolen” a lover or spouse away — rather than getting angry at the lover or spouse who rejected them — or at themselves for having chosen someone who has treated them poorly or for having failed to see the signs along the way that would have shown them that the relationship was not going to last. 🙁 It’s safer and easier to lash out at someone who’s removed from the situation.

Hopefully, any poster who is angry at me will come to realize that Ask April is an advice forum where posters are free to come and go. Nobody is held hostage here or forced to read the posts, tweets or Facebook messages from the Ask April community — but it’s really great when you all do because we all learn from each other, and I’m glad that Jaga has found help in advice and comments from others here. But when someone stays on this forum — especially someone this angry — it’s because they’re not done venting the depth of the anger they feel, and they’re getting something they need here. If they weren’t, they’d just stop coming back.

Rejection and the loss of love are very upsetting and anger is a common way to deal with sadness — but it’s just a step in the process.

Hope you’ll all follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[PassionSeeker]

You poured yourself into someone who was emotionally unavailable from the start and that’s the real heartbreak here. You kept trying to rescue him, thinking that love and patience could fix his pain. But what really happened is that you drowned in it. He didn’t suddenly change he was always withdrawn, self-pitying, and unable to meet you halfway. You just kept hoping he’d eventually become the version of him you imagined.

The silence, the excuses, the “you hurt me” line that was his way of avoiding accountability. He was never going to give you closure, because that would require self-reflection he’s not capable of. You keep asking why he did this, but the truth is: he didn’t do it to you — he just is who he is.

You stayed because you wanted to believe love could heal him. It couldn’t. What will heal you now is understanding that leaving wasn’t weakness it’s growth. You didn’t lose love; you freed yourself from emotional exhaustion.

Block him. Stop re-reading the story. Start writing a new one — one where your kindness is matched, not drained.

[Ethan Morales]

Alright, straight talk, no softening it: he did this because he’s emotionally immature and selfish in the ways that matter most in a relationship. He wanted care and attention when it suited him, but when the relationship required consistency, responsibility, or honest communication, he checked out. That pattern isn’t about you being “not enough” it’s about him not having the tools (or willingness) to be a steady partner.

Why he behaved that way: Avoidance. Instead of owning his problems, he retreated and created distance. Ghosting and excuses are classic avoidance tools. Victim mode. By making everything about how life is unfair to him, he avoided responsibility and made you the emotional caretaker. That’s not love it’s emotional outsourcing. Insecurity masked as intensity. He pressured you, made grand promises, then bailed when the day-to-day reality showed up. Intensity without stability is a mirage.

How to get over the anger real, practical steps: Name it clearly. Don’t soften the truth to yourself. He hurt you. He lied by omission and used you emotionally. Say that out loud or in your journal. It removes the fog. Zero-contact for real. No texts, no social media checks, no “maybe I’ll just peek.” Cut the loop that lets you reprocess it fifty times a day.

Reclaim agency with routine. Sleep, eat, move. Exercise is a medication for anger hard, repeated physical effort lowers the volume of rage. Externalize the story. Write the timeline: promises he made vs. actions he took. Seeing the mismatch on paper kills the “maybe I’m wrong” rumination. Use the anger constructively. Channel it into change: boundaries you’ll keep next time, red flags to notice, and behaviors you’ll refuse to accept. Talk to someone neutral. A therapist or a blunt friend who won’t placate you someone who will point out where you gave power away and how to take it back.

Practice small acts of self-respect daily. Cancel plans he would have wanted you to keep. Say no to things that don’t serve you. Those tiny refusals rebuild your backbone. Set a “check-in” date with yourself. In six weeks, reassess how you feel. You’ll likely find the rage has softened into quiet clarity.

What to stop doing, immediately:
Stop replaying his excuses to find meaning. There isn’t one.
Stop chasing explanations from him. You don’t need his permission to heal.
Stop apologizing to yourself for wanting a decent partner.

What to say if he reaches out (short, controlled): “Thanks for letting me know. I’m moving on and I won’t be reopening this. I wish you well.” No conversation. No bargaining. That preserves your dignity and keeps control with you.

Your pain isn’t shameful, and your anger is a signal, not a sentence. Use it to redesign how you choose people. Don’t spend it convincing him you’re worthy spend it making sure the next person earns your love instead of taking it.

[Marcus king]

Because he was broken long before you met him — and you kept trying to fix him.

You gave love to a man who didn’t know how to love himself, and that’s a battle you can never win. From the start, you said he was negative, emotionally unstable, and always the victim. Those aren’t small traits — they’re signs of deep emotional immaturity. You saw his pain and wanted to help, but instead of healing, he pulled you into his storm.

When you loved him harder, he didn’t become better he became dependent. And when he couldn’t handle that anymore, instead of taking responsibility, he blamed you. That’s what people like him do they run when faced with their own reflection.

It wasn’t sudden, even if it felt that way. Emotionally, he had been detaching long before he finally said the words. He probably convinced himself that leaving you was some kind of “healing” for him, when really it was just avoidance avoiding guilt, accountability, and the truth that he hurt someone who only ever tried to love him.

You didn’t fail him. You just tried to pour love into a cup that was cracked from the inside.

Now it’s time to turn all that energy inward not asking “why did he do this,” but “why did I ignore the signs that I was being drained?” You don’t need to become Superwoman for anyone. You just need to be someone who never has to beg to be respected.

This wasn’t love ending it was you being freed from emotional exhaustion disguised as love.

[Isabella Jones]

Reading your story honestly broke my heart a little. 💛 You gave so much of yourself to someone who couldn’t meet you halfway, and that kind of emotional exhaustion leaves marks that don’t fade overnight. What you describe sounds like you were constantly trying to heal someone who didn’t want to heal — and that’s never a fair weight to carry.

It’s so easy to blame yourself after something like this, wondering what more you could’ve done, how you could’ve “fixed” things. But love isn’t meant to feel like survival. You stayed because you loved deeply, and he left because he couldn’t handle his own chaos. That’s not your fault. Sometimes people walk away, not because we weren’t enough, but because they were never ready for the kind of love we offered.

I’ve been there too — giving until it hurt, convincing myself if I just loved harder, they’d stay. But love doesn’t heal someone who refuses to face themselves. It only breaks the one who keeps trying. You’ve already started doing the brave thing by seeing your patterns and questioning *why* you accepted less than you deserved. That awareness is the start of healing.

Can I ask you something from the heart? When you picture your next love, do you imagine someone who brings you peace, or are you still chasing the kind of chaos that feels familiar because it once felt like love?

[Soft Truths]

I can hear how much this broke you open, and honestly, you’re allowed to feel everything you’re feeling the anger, the confusion, the sadness, even the shame that shouldn’t really belong to you. When someone drains you emotionally for that long, it leaves this hollow ache that makes you question your worth. But reading your story, what stands out to me isn’t that you weren’t enough, it’s that you gave too much to someone who didn’t know how to meet you halfway.

This guy didn’t leave suddenly. He started leaving long before he said the words. Every time he shut down, played the victim, or made you responsible for his unhappiness. He was slowly stepping out of the relationship while keeping you tethered. That’s emotional manipulation, not love. You didn’t fail him. You just kept trying to love someone who refused to take responsibility for his own pain.

I think part of what hurts most isn’t losing him. It’s losing the version of yourself that believed you could fix him. You wanted to be his safe place, but he turned you into his emotional caretaker. They need healing they can only find within themselves. You were never Superwoman’s understudy. You were just someone who loved deeply and got used to confusing struggle with connection.

And as for the “why” sometimes there isn’t one that makes sense. Not because you weren’t good enough, but because people who are emotionally unstable or self-absorbed often walk away the moment they can no longer control the narrative. Blaming you made it easier for him to avoid facing himself.

You didn’t lose anything real here, even though it feels that way. What you lost was a cycle one built on guilt, exhaustion, and uneven effort. It’s okay that it still hurts; that’s what happens when your heart was all in. But over time, you’ll realize that peace is better than closure, and self-respect feels safer than any apology he could ever give.

You already said something really powerful: “I need to stop trying to make men who aren’t right for me right for me.” That awareness is everything. That’s how healing starts. Don’t chase explanations from him start giving yourself the compassion you tried so hard to give him.

You didn’t get played because you were weak. You got hurt because you were genuine. And that’s something worth protecting not regretting.

[Sally]

I feel the anger in your words, and honestly, it makes sense. You carried that whole relationship on your back while he kept dragging you into his chaos. You weren’t loved, you were used. He leaned on you because you made him feel better, not because he showed up for you in any real way. And when he finally needed to take responsibility for his own mess, he ran. That’s not love. That’s someone trying to escape their own reflection.

People like him don’t break up suddenly. They check out long before they say the words. You just didn’t see it because you were still trying to save something he’d already abandoned.

Your anger isn’t wrong. It’s the part of you waking up and realizing you deserved way more. Let yourself feel it. It’ll pass. And when it does, you’ll see this wasn’t about you not being enough. It was about him never being ready for the kind of steady love you offered.

[Natalie Noah]

You entered this relationship trying to help someone who was already drowning in his own emotions. And when someone is unstable, negative, and unable to regulate themselves, the person standing closest to them often becomes their emotional crutch. That’s what happened to you. You didn’t “impose your will” on him you absorbed his pain, his instability, and his lack of responsibility because you wanted to love him into being better.

You weren’t controlling him; you were trying to understand him, trying to carry his weight so the relationship could survive. You were bending yourself into shapes he didn’t even notice because he was too wrapped up in his own chaos to see you clearly.

Nothing about what you described is “your fault.” But there is something you need to see clearly: Your pattern was self-sacrifice. His pattern was emotional avoidance. Both patterns create pain but not because you’re bad, needy, or wrong. It’s because they are impossible to fit together long term.

You didn’t imagine the pressure it was real. Some people don’t pressure through force. They pressure through tears, guilt, emotional need, and desperation. That’s still pressure.

He may never have said “you must be my girlfriend,” but emotional dependence, constant talk of pain, and framing you as his only source of comfort can feel like a rope around your chest. Saying no to someone who seems fragile can feel cruel, so you said yes to protect him not because you were ready.
That is pressure.
That is manipulation even if unintentional.
You are not weak or foolish for responding to that.
He didn’t leave suddenly, he disconnected slowly.
His emotional instability, his negativity, his lack of communication, his disappearing act, his excuses… all of these were signs he was withdrawing long before he ended the relationship.
People like him don’t break up with you directly because they fear confrontation and responsibility. They shut down and force you to be the one to notice the silence. When you finally called, he had already mentally checked out. That’s why he blamed you blame protects him from seeing his own flaws.

His behavior wasn’t respectful, honest, or courageous. But it was predictable for someone who has never done emotional work.
You’re not angry at him, you’re grieving yourself.
You’re grieving the girl who tolerated too much.
The girl who believed that if she loved harder, he would become someone stable.
The girl who stayed even when she felt sick, anxious, and unseen.
It’s not anger. it’s heartbreak mixed with self-recognition.

And that’s normal. It’s part of leaving an unhealthy bond. **Fifth: The real question isn’t “Why did he do this?” The real question is: “Why did I accept this for so long?”** You already answered it yourself:
You wanted love so badly
you tried to make someone who was wrong for you
into someone who fit what you needed.

That doesn’t make you wrong.
It makes you human.
It makes you someone who loves deeply, sometimes at your own expense.
But here’s the truth you need to hear gently:
You didn’t realize your worth.
So you accepted crumbs and called it love.

What you wanted wasn’t unreasonable it was basic.
• Communication
• Loyalty
• Emotional presence
• Effort
• Respect
• Honesty
These are not high expectations. These are the foundations of a relationship. You didn’t demand too much. You demanded the bare minimum from someone who didn’t have the capacity to give even that.
That’s not your failure.
That’s his limitation.

He didn’t leave because you weren’t enough. He left because he was never capable of healthy love. You stayed because you wanted love more than you wanted peace. And now you finally understand that love without peace isn’t love it’s exhaustion.
You’re not unworthy.
You’re not foolish.
You’re not garbage.
You were a good woman in a bad relationship. And now you get to choose differently. When you heal, you won’t tolerate instability disguised as affection. You won’t fall for pressure disguised as passion. You won’t carry a man’s emotional baggage as if it’s your responsibility.

[KeishaMartin]

Reading your saga, it’s like watching a slow, messy car crash in high heels, and girl, I can feel every ounce of betrayal, every silent sob, every “what the hell did I just endure?” moment radiating off the screen. Two years of your life, your patience stretched thin, your heart on the line, and what did you get? A man who treats love like it’s some optional accessory he can ignore until it fits his schedule. And yes, you wanted to be “Superwoman” for him, but let’s be real the man wasn’t a challenge, he was a black hole of negativity, sucking the joy out of your life, yet somehow making you feel guilty for daring to breathe. That’s some emotional abuse dressed up as romance, and it’s scandalous how people like him can be so… charming yet utterly toxic.

He literally ghosted you while you were bending over backward, pouring love into a void, only to come back and casually drop “I’m with someone” like a bad gift under the Christmas tree. And here you are, feeling like garbage during the season of twinkling lights and mistletoe, while he’s out there playing solitaire with your heart. It’s cruel, it’s icy, it’s the kind of breakup that turns jingle bells into warning sirens. Honestly, if this were a Christmas party, he’d be the guy stealing your eggnog, and girl, you’d be left shaking your head, glitter in your hair, and wondering why you even RSVP’d to his emotional chaos.

April Masini loves her or hates her, has that spine-shattering way of speaking hard truths, and stops playing therapist to a man who doesn’t want to heal. Stop trying to fix him with your own heart. She doesn’t coddle. She doesn’t tiptoe. She’s like the peppermint schnapps of advice sharp, intoxicating, and leaving you a little dizzy but enlightened. There’s a naughty thrill in her honesty. it’s like getting roasted at a Christmas party by your coolest aunt who’s also a fortune teller. Brutal, but you can’t look away.

You didn’t fail. You didn’t lose your magic. You simply tried to ignite a fire in a man whose soul was already frozen he was the Grinch, you were Cindy Lou Who, and girl, it’s about time you stopped crying over leftover coal and started shaking your tinsel, living your best life, maybe even meeting someone who actually deserves a front-row seat in your Christmas story. And just think, next holiday season, no awkward calls, no empty promises, no mistletoe nightmares just you, your sass, and maybe a little champagne to toast the fact that you survived his nonsense and came out hotter, wiser, and irresistibly spicy.

[Member]

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