[lovingxlife]

me and this guy were hooking up over winter break. I developed feelings for him, and I thought he felt the same way but I was going back to college which is 4 hours away from home, and he was going to college at home. he told me it was hard for him to catch feelings for me when he knows I’m away at school and I told him “clearly I want a relationship and you dont, and that’s fine” and he said “its not about me not wanting it, its about the fact that it can’t happen right now.” I got back to school and about a month later he started dating his ex again. I was heart broken, but I got over it eventually. I graduated in may and he was away for the summer, but he contacted me the day after he got back in august. he texts me all the time, and is always asking to hang out. I’ve been hesitant for awhile because he still has his girlfriend, which causes us to argue a lot because some days im nice and wanna hang out, and other days i have an attitude with him because i wanna push him away because he has a girlfriend. (it makes sense in my mind). however, last week we ended up hanging out and having sex. i know it is so wrong, and i do not want a lecture, i already feel bad about myself and what i did. I was a mess after it and told him we couldn’t do that anymore, he ignored my text, and I said “i guess you have nothing to say?” and he said “what do you want me to say, you said it can’t continue, so fine it can’t continue, I don’t know what your looking for me to say.” after that he was ignoring all my texts, and I got weak and said “nevermind we can hookup, etc.” he never answered me and I started texting and calling excessively and he was just ignoring me. I was just acting crazy and annoying, and yes i will admit it was a little out of control. and now he’s ignoring me completely, he won’t answer a single text, or phone call, and I think he forwarded my calls to voice mail because when I call it goes to voice mail, and when I call from another number it rings. ughhhh I feel like I messed up everything. I know he cares about me at least as a friend, but we fight every week and I know he was getting fed up with it, so I’m afraid he’s never going to talk to me again, and he’s done with me. but I even messaged him and said “if your done with me you need to tell me right now” and he hasn’t even responded. i know it sounds stupid but i feel that he has something more for me but wont admit it. idk if hes conflicted. and i know it doesnt matter because i cant trust him. i dont know why i care so much, even if he left his gf for me, i cant trust him, he could do the same thing to me and cheat on me. so i know all of this. but is it possible he does have feelings for me? do you think he will contact me? or ever talk to me again? im so confused. thanks so much for your help!

what do you guys think? could he have feelings for me and be conflicted? will he never talk to me again? I’m beating myself up over this, and I’m so upset. I know he really cares so he can’t just walk out on me right?

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]but is it possible he does have feelings for me? do you think he will contact me? or ever talk to me again? im so confused. thanks so much for your help!

what do you guys think? could he have feelings for me and be conflicted? will he never talk to me again? I’m beating myself up over this, and I’m so upset. I know he really cares so he can’t just walk out on me right?
[/quote]

Let me answer your questions one at a time before I elaborate:

1. Is it possible he has feelings for me? Yes — but they’re not good ones.

2. Will he ever contact me or talk to me again? Only if he’s looking for a hook up.

3. Could he have feelings for me and be conflicted? No.

4. Can he just walk out on me? Yes — but it didn’t “just” happen. He walked out on you after time.

I’m sorry that you’re so upset and that this isn’t what you want to hear, but you made a couple of mistakes that I hope you can learn from for next time. 😉 The first is that if you hook up with a guy, he thinks of you as a hook up — not as a girlfriend or girlfriend material. When he tells you he doesn’t want a girlfriend — you should listen to him. When guys tell you they don’t want a relationship, don’t decide you can change his mind. Instead, don’t waste your time!

He’s made it very, very clear that he’s no longer interested. My advice is that you move on and find someone who wants to date you the same way you want to be dated. 😀 I know you’re sad now, but when you realize that the two of you are incompatible, you’ll feel a lot better about moving on.

Let me know how things go and please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url].

[lovingxlife]

did i do something wrong though? like i felt like he cared about me, and i’m afraid that i went so psychotic and texted and called a million times and now he doesn’t care about me because i did that. he acted like he had feelings for me, it felt like too much effort on his part especially because i’m so flaky when it comes to hanging out. idk maybe i’m just dumb, but now i feel like everything is my fault. i thought that maybe he had feelings for me and his girlfriend and didn’t know what to do

[April Masini, your AskApril]

[quote]did i do something wrong though? [/quote]

Yes, you did. I tried to tell you gently, and I’ll show you the quote I wrote you in my last post to you: [quote]I’m sorry that you’re so upset and that this isn’t what you want to hear, but you made a couple of mistakes that I hope you can learn from for next time. The first is that if you hook up with a guy, he thinks of you as a hook up — not as a girlfriend or girlfriend material. When he tells you he doesn’t want a girlfriend — you should listen to him. When guys tell you they don’t want a relationship, don’t decide you can change his mind. Instead, don’t waste your time!
[/quote].

And, yes, you’re right, when you acted out and called him over and over after he said he didn’t want to see you again, you sealed the deal. 😳 But not in a good way.

Re-read my last post. It has some pretty good advice in it. I know you’re upset and disappointed, but if you learn from your mistakes you can move on and become successful in your future relationships. 😉

And for some great help — especially now! — please buy and read Think & Date Like A Man: [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url] because it’s going to give you A LOT of tips and advice on how to win in relationships! 😀

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

[lovingxlife]

he never said he didn’t want to talk to me again. he has just been ignoring me, and it’s hurtful. yes i understand what i did was not right, but this guy puts way too much effort into me for him to just want sex from me. i believe he has feelings for me and his girlfriend, and now i’m afraid i ruined my chances because i acted so psychotic.

[April Masini, your AskApril]

I hope you’ll take my advice and read Think & Date Like A Man, [url]https://www.askapril.com/relationship-dating-advice/think-and-date-like-a-man.html[/url], so you can understand how to make relationships work. Behaving like a “psychotic” person isn’t very attractive. 😕 Read the book so you have a better grasp on things.

Please follow me @AskAprilcom on Twitter and on Facebook at this link: [url][/url]. 😀

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